Hello there! I’d LOVE to catch you up on the latest events for How To Overcome Heartbreak! Just click here to receive this news!
Hello there! I’d LOVE to catch you up on the latest events for How To Overcome Heartbreak! Just click here to receive this news!
Yesterday I had a book event. It was my first event with the new book How To Overcome Heartbreak: Stories That Heal. Unfortunately I didn’t sell as many books as I wanted. I know my mom was a little discouraged by that, but God has taught me an entrepreneur does not just look at the day to day of work, they look at the long run. Sales are up and down when you have your own business and so my outlook is just to look forward to the next opportunity to spread His Word through my writing. Though book sales weren’t what I wanted them to be, I still had a good time.
My mom was there to support as well as my roommate and a good friend. The café was crowded and the city was getting ready for a parade outside. It felt like the perfect fall evening as people were getting into the holiday spirit. We ate and talked and I ended up reflecting on this journey in singleness with my friend. She shared she had no idea that she would not be able to control her path. She thought marriage was just something she could make happen. I echoed her sentiments. I’m a few years older and my path has taught me that I am simply not in control (as much as I have wanted to be). I, like her, thought I could just settle and choose a guy and make it work. I’m a go getter and a planner. I like to check things off my checklist and obtain what I think is success. But God keeps teaching me, this world’s version of success is not always His version of success. Actually, it hardly ever is. 2 ½ years ago I thought I could choose the counterfeit and make a life work that I so desperately wanted. I held on to the false as tightly as I could yet still felt God prying my fingers away. Sleepless nights and a restless spirit haunted me and no matter how I tried I could not escape His voice. He was saying, “No”. I battled and ran and tried my hardest to make my plan happen but in the end I obeyed. God wanted Isaac. I thought about these things sitting across my friend in this little café. Maybe the book sales weren’t as important as sharing my testimony with her. She and I actually became friends because she read my first book…
I was talking to my friend tonight and she shared she did not know how hard this would be. She did not anticipate that the waiting and trusting and believing would be so difficult when there was not a prospect in sight. When none of us had a prospect in sight and the mid 30s are right around the corner.
I love God. And that has been the strength I have needed and used on this journey. But in this season I did not have the intimacy and companionship He gave that has helped me up until this point to walk His path. That’s what made it harder. Not having that strength.
I had to develop strength in other areas. I had to develop mental strength. I had to learn to rely on His voice through His people and His Word instead of through my heart. I am still learning…
There are times I wish I had not laid Isaac down. That is my humanity speaking. It is Christ saying, “Father, take this cup away from me”. He did not want to do it. It was the very thing He did not want to do. And the fact that He did it is just a testament to the power of God.
The fact that I did it is just a testament to Him. It is not my will but His…
This week was full of both rest and fun. Rest because I had 5 days off work (3 of those PTO) and fun because many days were spent with really good people. For Thanksgiving my mom and I went out to eat. Normally one of us cooks (usually her) but this time she wanted something different. After dinner we treated ourselves to a movie and then met her friends for bowling. It was a full day and I was thoroughly stuffed. Then Friday I had some alone time. I went shopping on Black Friday at my favorite mall and marveled at the crowds. Still, it was nice to be around so many yet be “alone”. What can I say, it is the introvert in me that appreciates such an occurrence…Later on I relaxed with a 90s flick, only to meet up with a good friend for a latte at Starbucks. I enjoyed a grande and even a chocolate chip muffin. Then Sunday my friend and I made our way to the Browns’ game. I will admit I have lived here over 10 years and have never been to a game! Lucky me the tickets were free, the weather was nice and our seats were phenomenal. It hardly mattered we didn’t win. We had fun anyway…
But even in the midst of all these blessings I would be dishonest to say this holiday was not without its own difficulties. The lack of family was evident for me while watching my mom’s friend’s daughter and her fiancé interact. I glanced at her ring once or twice and stuffed down the never-ending longings…There were moments I was home alone when I really didn’t want to be. Instead I wanted people, I wanted companionship, I wanted love. But as I told my friend last night on the phone, even with all the people who do love me, they will still choose family over friendship. It is natural. God does set the lonely in families, but I often wonder, when will He not need to? When will I have my own?…
The holidays are here and they are festive. They are a mixture of fun and rest. They are a mixture of enjoyment and lonelineness. That is life. The movie my mom and I saw had a character who was facing a divorce. She was freaking out and said “What will I do now?” My mom replied at the large screen in front of us, “Keep living”. She was right.
One thing I have learned in this season is the importance of resilience and the ability to keep moving forward. Someone near you dies? You keep living. You lose your job? Keep living. Depression hits? Keep living.
It has been a year where I have practiced this concept to “keep living”. It has been the fastest year of my life. There were nights I didn’t think I would get through, but I am here. And you are too. And that means there is a hope for the future.
And what a lovely future it must be…
I was told good things come in 3’s. I’m not a superstitious person however I know that there are patterns and ways of God that we can become awakened to. Our change in the seasons in nature are an indication of that.
That being said, if such a thing exists then I am a recipient of the “3-rule blessing”. My first week at work went well. For three workdays in a row my employer treated me to lunch. The first day was actually with my former employer who will now be my current employer part time since I’m still helping him with his business. Someone tell me how you go from 0 to 4 jobs in one year??? Only God. Training is just what I needed too. I have had so many insecurities and fears concerning this calling in accounting. My undergrad experience was pretty shocking and I think my accounting prof would think it laughable I am actually considering my CPA. But God is our weakness where we are strong. He definitely has been my strength in this area…
It turns out I had nothing to fear as my Controller took his time training me and I was even able to help him in some areas. The overall feel of this position is one of “chill”. The atmosphere is void of the stress and anxiety my previous employers carried. The anxiety that I too previously carried…Maybe it is a prophetic picture. I can rest now.
So I’ve been worried for nothing (as is always the case). It is like the Father is holding my hand and walking me through the steps it takes to get to where We are going. I am overwhelmed with His good gifts to me in this season. One of those gifts is my new book How To Overcome Heartbreak: Stories That Heal. This book took me exactly 9 months to begin and publish. Earlier this year He gave me a dream showing me pregnant with a very large child. He showed me it would be an easy delivery. It was…
I never imagined I would be an author. That I would write about very personal things. That the place that used to be my hiding place as a child–the library–would now find my own writings in its aisles and on its shelves. I am in awe.
I was told more books would come and there would be a demand for them. I was told they would come without sorrow. I desire that. To not have to go through very hard things in order to write. I look forward to this next chapter of my life, which consists of my new accounting position, this new book, and a new grace…
To find out more about my new book How To Overcome Heartbreak: Stories That Heal click here.
Some really good times lately…
It’s interesting how this spiritual journey demonstrates many contradictions. Those who lose their life will gain it. Those who come in last will be first. And those who are going through really hard things should count it all joy…
I remember when this scripture first came alive to me. I had my first heartbreak and my whole world was crumbling around me. My very serious, committed relationship ended in betrayal. How could this be a joyful time???
But in many ways it was. I had supernatural PEACE, and LOVE, and STRENGTH. I made it through the storm and it worked for my good. In fact, I learned how to worship through the storm. But years have gone by and though the victories have been great the tests have gotten harder. I don’t have those manifestations of PEACE, LOVE, & STRENGTH. Instead His love, God’s love, is shown through my community. It is in the visit of a longterm friend, the daily text messages from my family and the understanding of those who share in my pain. I don’t have those manifestations and that’s hard for me. The girl who came to Jesus through dreams, signs and wonders. Who equates His love with feelings. But that is the test. I must know that love, real love, is not conditional. It’s not given and taken away based on our behavior. Instead, it is steady, sure, & faithful. It is wrapped in His Word which is eternal and says,
“I will never leave you or forsake you”.
I don’t have those manifestations I’m so used to in this season, but I have His Word. And I have His people. And I have my past memories that testify over and over and over of His goodness.
I stood in the parking lot of the apartment complex and flashbacks one after another clouded my vision. Could it really be that once upon a time I lived here? With him? If not for the memories, which I felt very unattached to, I would not believe that fact. But the memories were plenty and I even had a book I had written about the heartbreak from that relationship. So it must have really happened.
I remembered my grandmother dropping me off at “home” one day. We sat in the car talking. My once favorite person in the whole wide world had been replaced. I was in love. I’m sure it broke her heart to see me in such a state, living with a man unwed. Following the same path of so many before me. Following her own. I’m sure she was wracked with fear that I’d end up pregnant and drop out of school.
I should have ended up pregnant and dropped out of school.
I stood there and thought about our pet. The rabbit we owned that ended up dying. We both grieved heavily for that loss; he was like a child to us.
I thought about how far I had come and realized I was a teenager back then. I’m in my 30s now. A full grown woman. I have come leaps and bounds.
I’m still leaping.
Still overcoming. Still learning my identity and how to have victory in weak areas. Still learning about how much God loves me.
I know her prayers have been answered. The grandmother who interceded on my behalf that I would get out of that toxic relationship. I know He (God) did more in me than she could ever fathom.
It is a beautiful thing when you can reflect on a man who was at one point your whole world and not feel a tinge of loss.
The Father had mercy on me. He taught me true love. I’m still learning.
I’m still overcoming.
These last few days I have been OVERWHELMED with people and their love. I know Christ is the One who gives good gifts and these people in my life are that good gift. In spite of my history of unhealthy relationships, drama and brokeness He flooded my life with love. My experience on this journey is such a testimony of His faithfulness. For some reason I believed a lie that I had anything to do with this faithfulness or His blessings, but no. He is faithful because He is faithful. That will never change and He doesn’t need a reason to be faithful. It is who He is.
2 nights before New Yrs I had a little gathering at my house. I served sweets and shared the slide show I made for 2015. The group that came were from various parts of my life and I was so touched they came to celebrate with me. Opening up my home was an act of faith and Im so glad I obeyed. We ended the gathering with powerful prayer and I know the Lord was pleased and heard us. A few scragglers stayed behind and we fellowshipped in my kitchen until well after midnight.
The next evening I kicked it with my girls and we brought in the New Year with old school 90s music on the dance floor. It was perfect. I just love when God gives you the desires of your heart😉.
Just last night after a day of rest 2 more friends visited, one purchased 3 more of my books. I was so touched by the blessing of this unexpected ministry. To speak healing and hope to the brokenhearted is quite an honor when I myself have been so brokenhearted.
And I ended the evening with a last hurrah with the bestie from Florida. This woman whom I have known over 13 years. A woman who has loved me like a sister. I have been susceptible to the lies of the enemy regarding this friendship but am now healing and seeing truth. It is beautiful to see us coming into our own and manifesting true identity. Healthy boundaries and maturity go a long way. So does love… I know these blessings are a result of answered prayer. He is giving wholeness and abundant life. He is preparing me for the new season.
Seeing God's goodness in the unexpected path.
Testimonies of a Christian and lessons learned on the journey. Psalm 119:2
A saved single Mother pursuing Jesus
Gospel-Centered Resources For The Gospel-Driven Life
just about life.
A blog for Single Men and Women Who Desire to Marry
Becoming a Proverbs 31 wife...
... About Living Humbly and Loving Well
musings of a modern monk
Thoughts on Christ Centered Singleness and the Church
Expressing the love of Jesus through my personal reflections.
is now http://www.loveinwaiting.wordpress.com
Embarking on motherhood through the miracle of adoption.