Songs of Solomon 1:2
At 38 and counting, I’m grateful for the Father’s path for me. I’m grateful that He put me exactly where I always wanted to be in so many ways. I’m grateful for the things that are on the horizon, especially with my business(es). But the question tucked in between all of that gratefulness is,
Will I have children?
From my very own womb? And in these moments of questioning, I am Hannah. And Abraham. And David. Who all asked the same thing. With the same yearning. And the same burning desire.
I had an amazing visit with a dear friend this past week. You may remember me discussing my ex roommate-turned friend-turned lifelong sister, Lianna. At one point, we were even co workers when God used her to send me my very first bookkeeping client! Talk about a divine connection! I thoroughly enjoyed her visit because… Continue reading A Measure of Success
In my early 30s, a sudden shift happened in the dry season that had lasted over 10 years of my nonexistent dating life. My heart cried out to God and He heard me. I asked God to move and He did. The floodgates opened, and y’all, it was literally raining men 😂🌧💃🏾. This new experience of hearing God say “yes” (with boundaries) is so opposite of hearing Him say “no” for so long that the sudden onslaught of attention and interest still has not been the easiest to navigate. In fact, I’ve had plenty of pitfalls, tear-stained nights and burdensome conversations. That being said, I also have had SO MUCH FUN.
This weekend I prepared to share the story of my career, and how in hindsight I can see patterns that emerged. Though I didn’t get to share my journey in its entirety (I am rescheduled to do so at a later date), I decided to share on this here blog for those who may be… Continue reading There is Purpose in the Process
How many Christians and church people are conducting their faith out of fear? I’m sure there are too many. What I learned through this experience, is that, just as scripture says, nothing can separate us from His love. After my healing, I learned to be more free in my faith, and I was released from feeling like I always needed to make the right choice.
How many are walking around today who look perfectly normal? How many appear to have it all together when their internal world is falling apart? You would be surprised. Many are probably surprised at this post. I have shared in parts about my struggle with mental health issues before, but never to this degree. I hope that someone is encouraged that even though it can take a while, the pain does end.
Of course, it was still going to be a while before I would see some real progress in my healing journey. My mind, at this point, felt like it was being eaten alive by rats and like they were gnawing at my brain. I so desperately wanted relief.
What tools are you using in fighting your experience with mental health? Do you have someone or people in your life to confide in with your battle?
All of a sudden, I became afraid to make the next move. All of a sudden, I became afraid to make the wrong move. I had these thoughts in my mind that said, “What if I am outside of God’s will if I apply to this job? What if I am outside of the will of God if I apply to that job? What if, what if, what if…”Have you been there? Do you struggle with excessive, compulsive thoughts that have no rhyme, reason or even logic to them?
I have been blessed to have found an outlet for the current of life, in my friendships. These women have adopted me into their hearts and named me their sister. They say the word so effortlessly and fill it with a grace that smooths out my broken edges and difficult ways. They have been the very sponges to polish my jarring weaknesses. They have been God’s hands to uphold me in the midst of trauma, loss, heartbreak, and pain.
Is it better to wait knowingly, when it’s hard and the anxiety and uncertainty of the future is your companion, but the fruit of the waiting is that your desire is adequately fulfilled in the very best possible way?
