Archive | December 2015

In Position for the New

At the beginning of the year I made a list of things I wanted to accomplish this year and you know what? I met many of those goals. The Father honored my heart and desire to keep moving forward in passion and purpose and faith. He gave me a personal word that He was going to do a new thing and He did. I’m hesitant to jump on board with well known ministers coming up with promises and words for the New Year. Sometimes we think that just because there is a change in the calender year there is a change in season. Sometimes the year changes but the season does not. So the only reason I believed at the beginning of this year He would do a new thing was not because someone said it but because His Spirit did. And He said it to me about 4 times in one week. Still, that new thing was not what we would think in terms of those long awaited promises but instead was in terms of much needed healing, growth and reconcialiation.

Maybe its because I’m not one to jump on board with the latest slogan or word from the pulpit regarding the upcoming year. I am more apt to get on my knees, quiet my spirit and yield my ear to heaven to hear the still small voice. Maybe it is for that reason I have ironically found myself in transition right around the time of a new calendar year, in position for a change in season.  And the word I am hearing is “open doors“. I am not quick to share this information. I have walked with Him for some time and have learned how easy it is to be deceived by my own heart and thinking. But maturity has its advantage and when you yield to His process you tend to hear and see better.

This has been a trying time of battling in my thought life. I have questioned what is true and I have faced great torment. Today I realized this is happening because I must manifest the greater level He is calling me to. And then His love came. And it removed the fear.

All of our circumstances and life experience and people in our lives are there to keep molding us and conforming us to His idea. They are working something in us to remove the false and unveil the true. The true is always there but it is hidden under the false. The love is there underneath the fear.

In this season I pray you yield to His process leaning not to your own understanding but in all your ways acknowleging Him. I agree that He who has begun a good work in you is faithful to complete it. And I pray that you are sensitive to His timing for your life. Be sensitive to His timing for your life.

These last few years He has been bulding something specific in me. He has been preparing me for healthy relationships. It has been a process and the thing about being in process is when you are in it, it looks confusing. It is still unformed and hasn’t taken shape yet. But I am taking shape and it is a sight to behold to my Maker.

Thank you all for your faithfulness to this blog and I wish you all the best in this upcoming year!


End of the Year Review (2015)

2015 started off with my good friend flying in all the way from Haiti to spend the New Year with me! We ended up at her friend’s neighbor’s house and captured the moment with a selfie.  
February brought in a huge blizzard but that didn’t keep me from celebrating the release of my first book “How to Overcome Heartbreak: Recovering from Misguided Love”. On Valentine’s Day I slipped and slid all the way across town to pick up homemade cupcakes from my friend who has her own bakery. I did think about re-scheduling the event due to the many accidents I was seeing while I was out and about getting ready, but I’m glad I did not. Apparently 6 inches of snow and ice does not scare Clevelanders when there is a holiday to be celebrated. I had a great turnout for the first release party.  
March was full of planning for the larger book release party being held on my b day. I scheduled the caterer, made the playlist, booked the venue, and hired the photo booth people. April came in style and my 32nd b day with it. My 2nd release party was a smash and I was overwhelmed by the love of the Father. This was truly a time of celebrating the work He had done in my life thus far regarding healing, wholeness and relationships. I was able to share my story at the party via the youtube video I created. The food was amazing, the photo booth was so much fun and everyone had a grand time. It felt like we were in some ritzy club in New York. God is faithful.   
That very next month my friend flew me in to Boston to continue my b day celebration. We were spoiled by her rich sister and enjoyed walking the city. We visited MIT, ate at a 5 star hotel and took the Harvard tour. We even watched Legally Blond in honor of being in Boston 😆.   

That same month my friends and I made our way to our alama mater to walk the campus and celebrate our 10 year anniversary!   


And of course there was Mother’s Day…  

The summer was full of time with friends, b days, graduations and wedding celebrations. My high school BFF dropped in for a visit and we hung out with our fam.    

My college BFF flew in from Florida and we kicked it Cleveland style. Then I made my way to Cinci to celebrate my friend’s 32nd b day. In August I got to celebrate my friend’s wedding. She married as a 50-year-old virgin. God is faithful.    

 The big event came in September when I took my first international trip to Haiti. I could not have imagined what a blessed time I would have there and how naturally beautiful the country is! My friend spoiled me with showing me its beauty and I enjoyed the tropical waterfalls, the pools, the mountains and so much more. I will never forget Haiti.    

 October revealed another first. I took my mom to Disney World for her b day.  She had never been before and we had a grand time.    

 I also had the blessing of selling more books!  

 But little did I know, God had another huge blessing in store for me around the corner. After 3 years of waiting, He released me from my current employer. Once again, I had learned contentment, I had learned joy, I had learned endurance, and His grace was sufficient to finish the assignment that once brought me to tears. I honestly did not think it would ever end. I projected 2 more years of the same. I succumbed to my destiny of boredom and humility. But He saw, when I didn’t see. He believed when I didn’t. And He showed me that once again, there is an end date to the waiting. 

 I had another miracle occur in November. Some much needed healing from a broken relationship. My mantra for this year has been “healing 2015”. It has even been passwords on my work computer. I have been so adamant about getting healed from childhood issues and other relationship trauma. God has shown me the purpose of my singleness and why He kept saying “no” to all the previous men who pursued. He has been making me into the woman He originally intended. That takes TIME. I never wanted to give Him time, but that is what He asked for. When the Creator of all things asks you for something, you can’t help but give it to Him.  

This week I will plan for a gathering at my house. I will show a slide show of highlights from 2015 and all of the blessings God has given. He has overtaken me with blessings (Deut 28:2). I will celebrate the New Year with women who love me with His love and I will look forward to the new door He will open in my career. 

 I am still in waiting. I am waiting in my career (again) and I am (still) waiting for the man He has promised. I am learning that I am a work in progress and always will be. But I’m thankful that the burden is not on me to complete this work. It’s on Him. And He already did it on the cross.

Shalom & Happy New Year!!!!

Exposing the Lie of Fear

Fear is a tricky thing. It is false and untrue but appears so real. For a long time I had a fear of singleness. Even after walking it out for 10 years, I feared the very thing I had already overcome. That is how the enemy does it; he tries to get you to fear something you already have victory over. Adam and Eve feared God was holding out on them. They feared they were not like Him, but they were made to be just like Him. They had no reason to fear. 

What I have found in this season is that once you agree with one small fear (or lie) in your mind, it can snowball into a huge fear that rocks your faith so much you didn’t even know what hit you. Kind of like when Adam and Eve ate the fruit. They agreed with the lie. One small lie, and it cost all of humanity. Fear is a distraction and I didn’t see it as such until this latest attack of faith. I thought distractions came in the form of good-looking men, who were really into me and wanted to marry me but who were not my husband. I was ready for those men. I was ready b/c it had happened so many times before that I actually thought the enemy was so obvious in his attempts. But I did not see this kind of distraction coming. The kind that would challenge long held beliefs and mindsets.  

I got to have lunch with a good friend today. We talked about this fear and how it has been rearing its ugly head in this season in both of our lives. We are seasoned warriors in this spiritual battle. Not as seasoned as some, but still seasoned. We have seen the gifts of the spirit made manifest, we have lived out of His presence, we have overcome many tests and battles, but we have never faced this kind of test. So we came together because His word says if 1 can put to flight 1,000, 2 can put to flight 10,000. We ate soup and caught up on life and parted ways saying that we would pray for one another. Prayer is such a great weapon of this warfare. So is His word.   

Even though I have struggled in this season in my mind I do believe ultimately it is the Father’s will. He is awakening me to the false beliefs I have had in my faith. He is taking me back to the beginning. I am remembering that I did not call myself. I did not choose myself. I was minding my own business, doing my own thing, and woke up a new creature. I cannot possibly take credit for the transformation He has done in my life. It is His faith and His desire and His righteousness, not mine. 

Somewhere along the way I started believing it was me. That I had to work out my own salvation, but I don’t believe that passage of scripture refers to works in and of ourselves. By grace we are saved and not of works lest any man should boast…

In other news, yesterday I went to a high school basketball game with a friend. I have not attended a high school game since I myself was in high school! Where does the time go?



Being Made

I was listening to a podcast this afternoon that really resonated with me. It talked about young women always having a crush and always wanting to be in a relationship. Story of my life. It seems there was always a man either in my life or in my heart. I remember in my mid 20s being physically single but not emotionally. I was holding out for a young man I was friends with. I believed with all my might this was “the one”. Unfortunately I believed that about several others. My saving grace with this young man was that I knew enough to know that if it was to be, he would pursue me. So I never said a word. And then he got engaged. And then he got married. And I was glad I had never said anything. God was merciful and did give me a heads up about the situation and I was able to let go of that idea prior to the marriage. But still, it HURT. It seems I was always getting hurt that way; putting my heart on the line, and wanting someone who was not for me. 9 years of singleness didn’t seem to deliver me from this unhealthy habit and I couldn’t seem to find that healthy space of being single of heart. Not until this year. What I realize now is that I had the idea of a relationship with a man in the wrong place in my heart. It was in the center. Truth be told I have had a lot of things in the center of my heart: men, jobs, dreams, aspirations, and goals. But just as God told me several years ago when I wanted that man and He said no, I understand His reasons for saying no is the same for all of these things.
“I will have no other gods before me”.

He told me that when I was at a funeral, worshipping Him. I was struggling with this latest emotional breakup and that was His response.

“I will have no other gods before me”.

It was a hard word for me. But character can only be built through adversity and this walk of singleness has been its own kind of adversity.

Finally this last year I have learned He is the center. He is for our fulfillment. Everyone and everything is just extra. But I had to walk out those 10 years, because I had to unravel the generational curses in my bloodline. I had to be refined and proven. That was the only way for me.

I see now the longing and emptiness I felt was from a lack of awareness of His fulfillment, His contentment, His satisfaction.

I read Psalm 63 and knew I did not know Him in the way the Psalmist did. “You God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for You, my whole being longs for you in a dry and parched land where there is no water”. I looked at others and could discern their commitment to Him. I could discern that I was missing something.

He did not hold that against me. He did not condemn me. Instead He paved a path that would cultivate this Oneness with Him on my journey to wholeness.

I am still learning to trust Him with the desires of my heart. I am still learning His completion and contentment and oneness. But I have hope now that I will manifest His promises over me because of how far He has brought me. I have hope to be whole, to be complete and to not only receive the promise, but to be it.


Taking the Leap

Yesterday my mom called extremely upset. Her beloved flip phone had died. While she shared her angst at her current predicament, I beamed for joy. It was time for an upgrade! We made our way to the Verizon location of her choice and spent 2 hours reviewing, discussing and finally settling on the perfect purchase for her. Now, for the uninformed you must know my mother is super old school. She does not like change and if that old flip phone of hers had not finally given up the ghost, well, there is no telling when she would have taken the leap into smart phone land. But leap she did! Even when the sales rep tried to offer her the little phone that has the key board that slides out (which is a step up from the flip phone but not as savvy as the smart phone) she was torn. I had already groomed her for the smart phone. I had already been introducing her to text messaging and was getting her comfortable for this change. In the end all of my efforts paid off. She was the owner of her very first smart phone.  
I tell this story because I know it is a picture of God’s goodness towards us. Sometimes we are fearful of the blessing simply b/c it means change. Our wounds, our pain, our poverty can be comfortable and for that reason alone we hold on tight to our current state. I myself am struggling to walk in freedom from a poverty mindset and walk boldly towards the promotion and blessings God has promised. But yesterday, I knew that my role was to help my mother transition. I knew that when fear tried to keep her in her comfort zone I was to encourage her to do what she really desired to do: receive the more. “Don’t settle” I told her. And I knew I was talking to myself. I watched her feel disappointed when presented with the keyboard phone. I felt her confusion. Should she get this one? It wasn’t really what she wanted but it was a step up from the flip phone. Here’s the thing, we don’t always need to make contact on each step. Sometimes, we can skip a few, simply b/c we have been so faithful on the step we were on. Sometimes we were there too long and God wants to get us to the top of the staircase faster as a result!  

In this season He has opened up so many doors of ministry for me with my book. Just today I was told that I needed to be utilized now b/c when the door in my career opens I won’t have time. I have been told that a few times and have not really believed it until told once again today. Maybe I won’t have time for these things in the next season. Either way I have every intention of being about my Father’s business TODAY.

I am saddened by the loss of lives terrorism and crazy people are causing in this generation. It makes me so sad. It also gives me a sense of urgency. My life is but a vapor. The window of time I have may seem long but that is deception. There are only a number of days I have, a number of months, a number of years for me to impact this generation for the kingdom’s sake.  

I don’t have time for fear.  

I must walk by faith, take the leap and receive the blessing.


One Month In

This week will be one month since the lay off. It has flown by. My how I have grown! 8 years ago when I faced unemployment I was ready to cash out my savings from fear that God would not provide and everyday that eeked by felt like eternity. I was so stressed I lost my hair and felt like God had abandoned me. Now my hair has been its own source of joy.
  When I first graduated college I was so worried about my lack of experience. I did not have the internships lined up like my peers or the savvy business connects. I felt like a fish out of water. All I had was a very expensive college degree and a call from God. Turns out that was all I needed. Actually, I didn’t even need the degree-He was enough. So now 10 years later I marvel at His hand. I marvel at His provision and how He is transforming me and writing a story I never knew I wanted written. He is now even using me to write other people’s stories. I tried so hard to box myself in. I felt boxed in that cube for 3 years and thought it would be the death of me. But I learned joy. I chose to make the best of that cube and that was what He was waiting for. So often we think we are waiting on Him. I bet you He’s waiting on you even more!

I met with my career coach and let her fine tune my resume, my cover letter and my Linked In profile. My business cards for both my professional endeavors as well as my book are on their way. It all looks so amazing and yet it doesn’t even cover all of the other professional experiences I am getting with writing in this season. Whatever God has for me is going to be phenomenal.

10 years ago I couldn’t see my future. I couldn’t see where I was going. I had a totally different view of how my life would look and who would be in it. I thought I knew myself. I had no clue I would keep changing. That much of what made me “me” back then was actually not me at all. It was brokenness, wounds, pain, and lies believed since childhood. There is still brokenness, and there is still pain, and lies, but He has made it His mission to keep making me better.

The pruning is worth it. It’s hard, but so worth it.

I finally see now that the path God creates for each of us is to bring out our best. He does not allow us to stay immature and selfish and needy. He keeps us walking by faith so that we are being developed into His image. This image for me has been long luscious locks of natural hair, a 25lb weight loss, clean eating life style, improved fashion style and a radiant dark chocolate skin tone. And that doesn’t even cover my improved character!

I thought I needed a man to make me worthy. I thought I needed a relationship to have value and be beautiful. Actually it was a relationship I needed to make me amazing. But it was a relationship with Christ.

If you are on Periscope please check out my guest spot on TriF.Y.R.E’s “Transparent Tuesdays”! I will be weighing in on the topic of “Christian Singles Being Sexy”.