Tag Archive | new year

High-Highs, Low-Lows

It’s the New Year.  And normally I would do a summary of the old year.  I would reflect on all He had done and how He had moved and how far I had come.  But I won’t do that this year.  Not because He hadn’t moved and He hadn’t done and I hadn’t come.  But because it still hurts.

When I think about this season I realize it is the pattern He has always used with me.  A series of high-highs and low-lows.  Except the lows were exceptionally low this time.  And maybe, in some sense, the highs were exceptionally high.  I guess it is a result of the advancement in the journey.  The “greater levels” Church culture speaks of.

I ended 2018 on a “high” note.  I spent 2 weeks in the Caribbean with a dear sister and friend.  A woman who has been by my side for over 20 years.  We are amazed at that fact by the way!  She is the only one who “knew me then”, and I her.  She was the one who stayed the longest when my mom moved on to glory and she was the one my mom loved the most.  Growing up she didn’t have a close family and unbeknownst to me, mine became hers.  My grandmother and mother invested in her immensely and I don’t doubt that the fruit of her accomplishments and successes will be distributed to their heavenly accounts.

As we traveled to Mexico and then Honduras and then Belize, I thought about these great women who came before us.  They were the reason we could lay on white sandy beaches, swim in clear blue waters, ride on beautiful stallions and visit the Mayan Ruins.  They were the reason we could live life so abundantly.

So often I think back on my childhood.  I realize there is no one on this planet who will appreciate it as much as those two women.  Who will “oooh” and “awww” over my baby pictures.  Who will be more excited then me for my next birthday.

These are the lows.

I realize I must process it all in order to move forward.  Healing can only come through truth.  And the truth is, life is both.  It is high and low.  It is dark and light.  And I don’t know if we really appreciate the light unless there is darkness.

After my cruise I met with a different sort of companion.  We exchanged late Christmas gifts and made up for our time apart.  We watched movies and had dates and went ice skating.  It was clear the Father was giving me what I longed for, for so long.  And on New Years Eve, I got my New Years’ kiss.  Something I had never before experienced.  Another high.

 

 

I was asked what I wanted in 2019.  What was my goal?  What did I want to accomplish?  “Healing”, I said.  Knowing it was not necessarily what I wanted, but what I needed.

“Healing and restoration”.

I have always been someone very sensitive to times and seasons.  I was excited to see how the Father was working in my life in the earth.  I enjoy seeing the purpose of numbers and calendars (both Hebraic and Gregorian), but time seemed to have stopped this past year.  And maybe if it didn’t necessarily stop, it didn’t seem to matter as much.

Going into this new season I look forward to building my business.  I have already received my first paycheck which overwhelms me with encouragement.  I look forward to enjoying my loved ones and being grateful for those who are here to offer comfort and support in this journey.  I truly don’t deserve the love they have demonstrated.

 

And I look forward to the moments I have with him.  The man who treats me better than any man has ever treated me before.

The Father is full of surprises.  He knows those hard things and though He doesn’t exempt us from them He offers support and strength as we walk through them.  Through it all I know one thing is certain, He is there.  And He cares.

SHALOM.

 

 

 

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2016-Year End Review

The year started off HOT as I was fitted in a nice HOT dress with my HOT college besties on a cold winter night. We went to the Casino downtown and were pleasantly surprised with decorations, food, drinks and music. 90s hip-hop and r&b blared through the sound system and we danced our way into 2016.



Then February rolled around. Not only did my BFF from Haiti pay me a visit but I got to have my first speaking engagement! I had no idea I was the key speaker until after the event my great friend Hope who came with me informed me of this important detail. The event was not without its warfare but I prevailed and actually sold so many books I had them on back order!


That same month I received a word from the Lord that I was to start my 2nd book, which I immediately began working on! I was also blessed to be apart of an international conference call. There were several authors who led the call and that opportunity connected me with more writers who I would work with on future projects throughout the year.

In March I stayed busy doing taxes during the tax season while still looking for employment. Since I was laid off the previous November I had been unable to find another full time job. Thankfully God provided every step of the way and I never went without. He also gave me the desire of my heart by allowing me to work as a Tax Preparer full time.


My birthday then came in April. I was overwhelmed by the calls and love shown. I actually had to turn my phone off at one point because I was getting so many phone calls. I did not get to speak with everyone simply because I did not have the emotional capacity to. Instead I chose to quietly celebrate with my mom at dinner. Afterward we did the thing we love most: shopping! That weekend I went to dinner with my girls and was so blessed by all who chose to come and spend it with me. What can I say? 33 looked good on me…


Another big event took place this month! My friends and I were featured in Essence Magazine!! Check out the article here.  Make sure to check out #12😉. God is AMAZING😊.

In mid April the tax season ended and the very next day I began working for my landlord as his bookkeeper. God did not miss a beat and it was a much-needed open door. I was at my wits end struggling with depression and anxiety. I wanted to give up but just when I felt there was no hope, a beam of light shined brightly upon me through this opportunity, tho it came from the most unlikely of places… For the first time in my career I was working in an accounting position!  Additionally I got an up close and personal view of an entreprenuer’s life. I have known entrepreneurship was a calling on my life for a while now and I felt that this job opportunity was further confirmation of that. This job was also another desire of my heart fulfilled, as it was located downtown in the heart of the city–exactly what I wanted. I LOVED going across the street to Mel’s for a cup of joe every morning, using my parking pass on the weekends to kick it in the city and being a “downtown girl”. The Father was showering me with His love.

In June Cleveland was rocked with winning and celebrating the NBA national championship! I’m not a big sports fan but out of all sports basketball would be my favorite to watch. And it was amazing to watch the Cleveland Cavaliers win their first ring in 50 years! The city was on FIRE. There was such a spirit of encouragement, hope and unity wherever I went. Everyone had on their CAVS gear at the parade and I was so blessed to experience a historical event in a city God loved. We were champions, and now everyone knew it!

That same month I had the amazing opportunity to be a guest on a really dope podcast! It was my first time and hopefully not my last! I was so honored and blessed by this open door to talk about a topic I’m passionate about–being a healthy and whole single😊.  You can check out the podcast here.  

The summer was full of activity with friends and family. My mom treated my friend and I to a day at Cedar Point. I took my god-daughter to the Universal Soul Circus. My college bestie visited from Orlando and I took a road trip with my other bestie to D.C. I was honored to celebrate her 33rd with her in style.


My Haitian bestie and I took a road trip to her hometown in Indy. It was go go go and by the end of the trip my introverted self was pooped. But I knew God was showing His love and goodness through so many social experiences. It was truly a blessing to spend such quality time with my friend who now lives so far away.


In September I got a roommate for the first time in 3 years. She was another answer to prayer.   Not only did she provide financial assistance but also companionship in the home (which I didn’t even know was needed.) I LOVE our story of how we met on my blog and how God connected us through writing. Who knew starting this blog 4 years ago would lead to SO MUCH? She is such a gem and I love having her in my home! Shortly after her move we added another member to our household: Ben-Samuel. He has been another source of joy and companionship that I know the Father ordained.

September and October provided more open doors with my writing. I was finishing up my 2nd book and had some book selling engagements for the first one. I was blessed by the support of those who came and encouraged that God was moving in my calling as an author.

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And then suddenly it was November: one year after my layoff. My position as a bookkeeper with my landlord was great but it did not offer a long-term solution, so I applied for other jobs. Never in my career has God used practical means to employ me and I was frustrated by this fact. Whenever I had a job assignment it came through supernatural means, which I was grateful for, however I struggled with my own insecurities at being a competent professional. Did I have the skills, knowledge and abilities to work in the field of Accounting? Would my degree ever be of use? Do I have what it takes? God was about to answer all of those questions. I excelled at the phone interview and 2 panel interviews and after almost a month of waiting (because that is just my path) I was hired as a bookkeeper for a small janitorial company! When asked if I would accept the position I felt like I was accepting a marriage proposal! I happily said yes. In addition to this huge blessing my 2nd book came out that same month! How to Overcome Heartbreak: Stories That Heal was available, 9 months after I started writing it. God had given me a dream earlier that year that I would have a huge spiritual birthing. I felt this 9 month time frame was further confirmation…

The year ended the same way it began: in style. There were more social events with friends and the celebration of life. Yet 2016 was not without its hard times and in fact they still continue. God did many new things for me this year, things I didn’t expect or even believe He would do for me, simply because He had never done them before. At the end of last year I heard Him say, “Well done my good and faithful servant!” I knew I had passed another series of tests and that I was being promoted. What I did not understand was that spiritual promotion means a higher level of testing and warfare. This year I have experienced that higher level.

Everyday I am learning God’s ways. He is a good Father who has a set path and course for each person’s life but we must seek Him to have understanding of that course. For a long time I felt His hand and His way with me. I was always aware of His presence and intimacy. In this season I did not have that luxury. He was growing me up and I did not want to grow up.

God’s ways are higher than our ways. When He says promotion and advancement it does not always mean what we think it will mean. Sometimes it does not even look like a promotion in the natural. But always it is for our good and if we give Him time we can gain understanding of His ways.


There were unmet expectations in 2016. There were times of utter darkness, aloneness and feeling abandoned. But the fact that I have made it to the end confirms what I feel He is teaching me in this season: my feelings are temporary. Even when I feel alone, I never really am. Yet it is His grace for me to walk out this truth.

I am ministered to through the lyrics of an artist who I appreciate. “If I make it through hell and then came out alive I’ve got nothing to fear”.

He has caused me to face my fears in 2016. The fact that I am still here shows me what He wanted me to see all along. My fears were false and they are not the giants I perceived them to be. In fact, they were only here to reveal the greater version of me that was hidden beneath the surface.

I can honestly say that I am better at the end of this year than I was when it began. And I guess that would be the goal for any year or any season of life.

To get better.

To become more whole.

And to walk in greater purpose and manifestation of the original intention of the Creator.

If you’re interested in checking out my latest youtube video “Encouragement to be a light in 2017” click here.

SHALOM

In Position for the New

At the beginning of the year I made a list of things I wanted to accomplish this year and you know what? I met many of those goals. The Father honored my heart and desire to keep moving forward in passion and purpose and faith. He gave me a personal word that He was going to do a new thing and He did. I’m hesitant to jump on board with well known ministers coming up with promises and words for the New Year. Sometimes we think that just because there is a change in the calender year there is a change in season. Sometimes the year changes but the season does not. So the only reason I believed at the beginning of this year He would do a new thing was not because someone said it but because His Spirit did. And He said it to me about 4 times in one week. Still, that new thing was not what we would think in terms of those long awaited promises but instead was in terms of much needed healing, growth and reconcialiation.

Maybe its because I’m not one to jump on board with the latest slogan or word from the pulpit regarding the upcoming year. I am more apt to get on my knees, quiet my spirit and yield my ear to heaven to hear the still small voice. Maybe it is for that reason I have ironically found myself in transition right around the time of a new calendar year, in position for a change in season.  And the word I am hearing is “open doors“. I am not quick to share this information. I have walked with Him for some time and have learned how easy it is to be deceived by my own heart and thinking. But maturity has its advantage and when you yield to His process you tend to hear and see better.

This has been a trying time of battling in my thought life. I have questioned what is true and I have faced great torment. Today I realized this is happening because I must manifest the greater level He is calling me to. And then His love came. And it removed the fear.

All of our circumstances and life experience and people in our lives are there to keep molding us and conforming us to His idea. They are working something in us to remove the false and unveil the true. The true is always there but it is hidden under the false. The love is there underneath the fear.

In this season I pray you yield to His process leaning not to your own understanding but in all your ways acknowleging Him. I agree that He who has begun a good work in you is faithful to complete it. And I pray that you are sensitive to His timing for your life. Be sensitive to His timing for your life.

These last few years He has been bulding something specific in me. He has been preparing me for healthy relationships. It has been a process and the thing about being in process is when you are in it, it looks confusing. It is still unformed and hasn’t taken shape yet. But I am taking shape and it is a sight to behold to my Maker.

Thank you all for your faithfulness to this blog and I wish you all the best in this upcoming year!

SHALOM

Rosh Hashanah 2015

Happy Rosh Hashanah!! Well I’m a little late since technically Rosh Hashanah ended Tuesday but I wanted to at least address this holiday as God has spoken so much to me this last year about the importance of knowing His times and seasons. For the uniformed Rosh Hashanah is a Jewish holiday celebrating the beginning of a new year. While western culture tells time by the sun, Jewish culture tells time by the moon. God showed me how as a result of our time system, in western culture we can miss His appointed seasons of blessings simply b/c we are operating on a different time system than He originally intended.  
The most interesting thing happened to me a few days ago. It was on my heart to reach out to my brother who is a Messianic Jew and see if he was “hearing” anything in regards to this new season. Just as I was sending him a message on FB I received another social media notification from a minister I follow about Rosh Hashanah. The minister shared about knowing God’s times and seasons and fasting for 10 days during this new season to hear what God is saying. Crazy. And that stuff has been happening a lot recently where I get INSTANT confirmation from Jesus. It’s like He stalks us or something 😁. Anyways, I chose to fast from negative thoughts and even as I was entertaining this idea I was thinking, “There’s no way I can do that”. I know. I know. Pretty negative. And then I was reminded that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”. So I’m on Day 3 and it is definitely a CHALLENGE. I really struggle with anxiety and fear and so that has been the battle. BUT at least the fast is helping me to be more aware of my thoughts and helps me not to indulge in them like I normally would. I also know from experience I have received the biggest break-throughs during “unorthodox” types of fasts. Basically when I fast from things other than food, especially unhealthy relationships. So I’m looking forward to any insights/revelations on this fast for that reason.

I have been feeling God’s presence a lot the last few days and I know its b/c He cares so deeply for His children. He has moved so much in this last season I can’t even imagine what things He has in store for the next. There is movement happening on the job as well, though it is not the movement I would have wanted. But I know the changes in the dept. are even a reflection of the change in seasons. I feel God was touching on my international call in the last season and even slipped in my trip to Haiti at the last second to confirm it. We will see if there are any other open doors in this upcoming season internationally. I know I have some financial goals I want to meet. Other than that, I am an open book. I’m learning to hold this life loosely and hold my goals/desires just as loosely. I’m learning to trust Him even when I don’t agree or it doesn’t look the way I would want. It seems I am always learning that lesson.

Blessings to you in this new season of life! May He reveal Himself in deeper ways as you continue moving forward in His purposes for you.

SHALOM