Tag Archive | dating

Getting Older

 

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People have been asking me what I’m planning for the big 3-4.  I honestly have no plans.  My emotions have been up and down (ok, mostly down) about the upcoming event and I don’t know how I will feel when it gets here.  Will I have a series of bursts of energy and strength that I’ve often experienced when the enemy has tried to come up against me?  Or, will I give in to the quiet stillness of my soul that has marked this season with Christ? 

I told my friend recently that I’m allowing myself to experience both.  I’m allowing myself to be grateful for the ground the Father and I have gained together, the victories and the wholeness He has created.  And also, I’m allowing myself the disappointment, confusion and frustration at the waiting.  I’m a numbers person and I do believe I am supposed to be, working in Accounting and all.  I believe numbers mean a lot to God as well.  He taught me a lot a few years ago just how important they were.  What I learned then was that His ways are not our ways.  His view is not ours and often He wants us to come up higher to see things from His perspective.  For a while there I was seeing but then the darkness came and I found myself lost, questioning very foundational truths that had guided me these 15 years.  I was tormented with fear and anxiety and I didn’t have time to think about singleness, I was just trying to choose life.  But I did choose and one day at a time I made it to where I am now: more soundness of mind.  More peace.  More grace.  Now that I’m here, singleness is a focus again.  I honestly never thought it would be this long.  I don’t disagree with the Master’s hand and plan.  I know without a shadow of a doubt His way, His timing is best.  But I need to process the fact that his timing is longer than I imagined.

For most of my journey I felt a security in my future.  I felt confident of His path.  Much of that confidence stemmed from my emotions and feelings; the perks of being less mature in the faith I suppose.  But now He has said I am more mature and He has treated me as such.  Instead of doing things for me He is teaching me to do them for myself. That’s been a paradigm shift.  One I haven’t welcomed freely.

The Father has been faithful in all things.  He has made promises and I have no doubt He will deliver.  But there is a process involved before the manifestation of those promises.

Psalm 105:19

Until the time that his word came to pass,
The word of the Lord tested him.

Like Joseph my friends and I know this testing.  We have each encountered our own paths of being formed by the Master’s hand and we have overcome many things.  But it seems no matter how many victories I’ve experienced, the next level is even more fierce than the last.  I believe this to be true with marriage.  I believe the tests will get more difficult and that is why the process in singleness is so needed, to create a sturdy foundation.

I am a blessed woman.  God is faithful and my cup runs over.  But I am still waiting and I did not know the wait would be this long.

The process this thorough.

The mountain this steep.

SHALOM

When You Like Them But They Don’t Like You Back


It happens to the best of us: someone catches your eye or maybe you caught theirs. Perhaps there followed a nice stimulating conversation after that initial attraction. The atmosphere seemed perfect, the dialogue phenomenal, and you can’t help but think, “Hmmm, this may just lead to something”…

To read more check out my guest blog post at Single Roots “When You Like Them But They Dont Like You Back”!

SHALOM

God Wants Isaac

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Yesterday I had a book event. It was my first event with the new book How To Overcome Heartbreak: Stories That Heal. Unfortunately I didn’t sell as many books as I wanted. I know my mom was a little discouraged by that, but God has taught me an entrepreneur does not just look at the day to day of work, they look at the long run. Sales are up and down when you have your own business and so my outlook is just to look forward to the next opportunity to spread His Word through my writing. Though book sales weren’t what I wanted them to be, I still had a good time.

fullsizerender-3My mom was there to support as well as my roommate and a good friend. The café was crowded and the city was getting ready for a parade outside. It felt like the perfect fall evening as people were getting into the holiday spirit. We ate and talked and I ended up reflecting on this journey in singleness with my friend. She shared she had no idea that she would not be able to control her path. She thought marriage was just something she could make happen. I echoed her sentiments. I’m a few years older and my path has taught me that I am simply not in control (as much as I have wanted to be). I, like her, thought I could just settle and choose a guy and make it work. I’m a go getter and a planner. I like to check things off my checklist and obtain what I think is success. But God keeps teaching me, this world’s version of success is not always His version of success. Actually, it hardly ever is. 2 ½ years ago I thought I could choose the counterfeit and make a life work that I so desperately wanted. I held on to the false as tightly as I could yet still felt God prying my fingers away. Sleepless nights and a restless spirit haunted me and no matter how I tried I could not escape His voice. He was saying, “No”. I battled and ran and tried my hardest to make my plan happen but in the end I obeyed. God wanted Isaac. I thought about these things sitting across my friend in this little café. Maybe the book sales weren’t as important as sharing my testimony with her. She and I actually became friends because she read my first book…

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I was talking to my friend tonight and she shared she did not know how hard this would be. She did not anticipate that the waiting and trusting and believing would be so difficult when there was not a prospect in sight. When none of us had a prospect in sight and the mid 30s are right around the corner.

I love God. And that has been the strength I have needed and used on this journey. But in this season I did not have the intimacy and companionship He gave that has helped me up until this point to walk His path. That’s what made it harder. Not having that strength.

I had to develop strength in other areas. I had to develop mental strength. I had to learn to rely on His voice through His people and His Word instead of through my heart.  I am still learning…

There are times I wish I had not laid Isaac down. That is my humanity speaking. It is Christ saying, “Father, take this cup away from me”. He did not want to do it. It was the very thing He did not want to do. And the fact that He did it is just a testament to the power of God.

The fact that I did it is just a testament to Him. It is not my will but His…

SHALOM

Blog Series: Encouragement From Marrieds to Singles (Kandis Taylor)

Hi guys!  The following interview is our final interview for this blog series “Encouragement From Marrieds to Singles”.  Enjoy!!!

 

Me: How long were you single?

Kandis: I was single for about a year before I met my husband. We met when I was 25 years old and he was 27. We married 4 years later.

Me: When you think back on your time of singleness what is one word you would use to describe that time and why?

Kandis: During my singleness I wasn’t exactly looking for “the one”. I had two serious relationships prior to meeting my husband and some “flings” in between to fill the void. So I guess my my one word would be “restored“. I wanted to have a feeling of peace and love that I knew I wasn’t receiving with my past relationships.

Me: What were some of the hard times of your singleness?  What were some of the great times?

Kandis: The hard times were sometimes feeling like I should settle and just go back to my ex. But I knew deep in my heart that God had different plans. I felt alone at times but again I knew that I wanted restoration and peace and I wanted real love.  The great times would have to be the process of moving on and not having any regrets and just enjoying life without the need to be in a relationship with someone

Me: What is one important lesson you learned in singleness?  In marriage?

Kandis: Getting to know yourself during singleness can be tough but at the same time fulfilling, having that time alone allowed me to discover myself. I discovered that I wasn’t adjusting my personality to suit the person I was with at the time. I discovered that God had a plan and purpose for me and in marriage it’s such a wonderful feeling to be with someone who helps you to grow spiritually and stands beside you while you’re fulfilling God’s purpose.

Me: What advice would you give to those who are waiting on God’s best and desire not to settle in their relationship choice?

Kandis: My advice would be to enjoy life, travel, serve others, listen, learn something new, find you, remember God has a plan for your life! Listen for HIS voice. Don’t settle, God is preparing HIS best for you!

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Kandis Taylor is a wife, mom, sister, lover of God and faithful friend.  She enjoys serving with her husband and making sure her daughter has a good chance at running for president one day!

Blog Series: Encouragement From Marrieds To Singles (Kelly Evans)

Me: How long were you single?

Kelly: I got married when I was 34, so 34 years!

Me: When you think back on your time of singleness what is one word you would use to describe that time and why?

Kelly: One word: mine. I want to say “adventurous” because I did enjoy being on the go and doing things that were out of the box and a little risky.  I want to say “free” because I could go wherever, whenever I wanted, the way the world views “free”.  I chose the word “mine” because those other adjectives describe marriage too. Singleness was mine because that’s just it, it was mine.  It didn’t belong to anyone else, it belonged to me.  Views that were mine, my walk with God, what God wanted to do through me, the enjoyments that were mine, friendships that were mine, the family that was mine, time that was mine, decisions that were mine, the adventures that were mine, etc.  It was all mine!

Me: What were some of the hard times of your singleness?  What were some of the great times?

Kelly: A hard time of singleness for me was when God revealed whom He wanted me to marry and then having to wait (5 years to date, 2 more until marriage) for that time to come.  Within that time it was the hardest to be single!  I would go through ups and downs in the trusting and waiting.  I would believe some days and not others.  I would pity myself some days and be excited about this revelation other days. Some great times were in college, never dating anyone and pouring out my time and life for reaching high school kids with the gospel and living in community with some girlfriends in the city (“Daisy Girls”) while intentionally seeking God and relationships with our neighbors!  So many significant memories in those times!

Me: Why do you think God incorporated a longer season of singleness in your story than some of your peers?

Kelly: Hmmm, I’m not sure.  I read in a book years ago now, (quite paraphrased) that it’s easy to string a single person along and say there must be something God is working out in you and so you must surrender, etc.… that kind of encouragement, or once you let go of the thought of marriage you’ll meet the one! The book went on to say that, “No. Marriage is designed by God and so is singleness.  One isn’t in preparation for the other, they just are.  You’re single because God has it for you to be single.  You’re married because God has it for you to be married.”  Having that understanding helped me to embrace being single and gain a better idea of the purpose of each season.  Both, no matter where you are, single or not, are purposeful and intentional simply because that’s where God has you.  Both are wonderfully good. Outside of that thought though, I think both my husband and I would say we needed to grow relationally, personally, emotionally…but then I think about when I had our son and I remember thinking more holistically, maybe it was more about the timing of our son’s life?  Maybe it had nothing to do with us and what we may have been waiting on/for, but more about the legacy God wanted to use us to put into motion and He had the whole picture in mind.

Me: What advice would you give to those who are waiting on God’s best and desire not to settle in their relationship choice?

Kelly: I would say, while it’s easy, like super easy, to compare and want what another has, waiting is the best.  You’re single because that’s what God has for you.  Your friend is married because that’s what God has for them.  When you release the comparison, freedom comes.  Freedom to be you, in the circumstance He created you to be in for that time.  Don’t settle for anything but what God wants for you.  He’s made you a certain way.  Be patient for the one God will use to refine the crap out of you and bring out the best in you.  Pray for that someone to see you as God sees you and pray the same for yourself, that you’d see them as God sees them.

 

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Kelly Evans has been married for a little over 2 years and has a son who is 1.5 years old.  She is owner and operator of KRA Photography.  She is from Monterey, CA but has called Cleveland home for the past 9 years.  She loves spending time with others and exploring new places!

This Is Us


Hi guys! Check out my guest post “This Is Us” on authorofmyfaith.com! This is my first guest post on Afi’s site and I’m so honored to have this opportunity! I met her through a fellow blogger and mutual friend.

The connections writing has created has been overwhelming in the BEST way!

Thanks for your support!!
SHALOM

Blog Series: Encouragement from Marrieds to Singles (Tierra Moore)

Me: How long were you single?

Tierra: 6 years (from my last serious relationship to the time I married).

Me: When you think back on your time of singleness what is one word you would use to describe that time and why?

Tierra: Radical!  Because my encounters with God were so extraordinary, I was wrapped up in Him!  I was very content because of my hunger and appetite to serve Him and those who were lost and broken. I was enthralled by the prophetic ministry I was apart of. I was living rapidly for Him. I wanted to see growth in others and I was unashamed to minister. I had a zeal for God that was so fulfilling!

Me: What were some of the hard times of your singleness?  What were some of the great times?

Tierra: The hard times were not getting male attention. I also dealt with insecurities and struggles with my weight. There was temptation to go back to false comforts such as pornography, trying to find ways to get male attention, and using dating sites (when I didn’t feel the Lord wanted me to).  Dating was not the season I was supposed to be in but I was thirsty. The great times were having freedom to be with friends at all hours of the night and talk about dreams and aspirations. I loved to spontaneously go to places just because and to travel! I even once ran a triathlon! There was always something to do while being single; it was never boring for me. There was always an open door policy somewhere.

Me: Why do you think God incorporated a longer season of singleness in your story than some of your peers?

Tierra: I really believe it was because of the “Nazerite calling” on my life that I didn’t understand until the later portion of my singleness. The Nazerites were separated on purpose for God and they couldn’t do what everybody else could because God had a specific mission for them. I needed that season to know who I am and to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit. I wouldn’t go to concerts or listen to certain music during that season. I once even fasted for a year from secular music! I had different idols in my heart that were hidden and God was breaking things off of me. He wanted to help me see that I am a daughter and that there was a specific call on my life. I knew that because of my calling my path would always look different from everyone else’s.  Even when I was a child, I didn’t understand why I didn’t feel like I fit in. Often friends were seasonal because of this call.

Me: What advice would you give to those who are waiting on God’s best and desire not to settle in their relationship choice?

Tierra: Discover a relationship with Christ and His intimacy. Create a devotion to Him. Get to know Him; that was the only way I did not settle. If I settled I would have ended up with someone who I couldn’t share my passion or spiritual concerns with; we couldn’t worship together and pray together. Now I can come home and talk to someone who understands my burdens and knows how to affirm me with God’s Word and give me hope in Christ. My husband will encourage me even when I don’t want to hear it. I grew up in a household seeing marriage as being unequally yoked and I knew I didn’t want to go through that fight; it wouldn’t be worth it. When you discover who you are you will want to share your encounters, but if you come home to someone who can’t get it, it’s disheartening because they don’t. You are changing and evolving and they can’t relate. You can influence them but who knows when that change will come.

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Tierra Moore is a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, business woman, fashion coordinator, writer and lover of Jesus. Her tender heart exudes His love and demonstrates His affection for His bride. She faithfully serves her family and still makes time for travel and loved ones.