Tag Archive | forgiveness

The Trade (Poem)

Can I trust you with my mess?

The bruised brokenness of smelly sweat?

The scarred woundedness that oozes green gross disgusting stuff?

The pores on my skin open with it and no matter how many bandages I try to cover them with, there just never seem to be enough

Enough

I’ve had–enough

I’ve come–to the end

And hang on this rope by a thread

I loosely dangle over a pool of grace

But I am afraid

If I fully let go You’ll flee from me

The blood and gook and ooze will be too much for You

My lust

My shame

My feelings of inadequacy caused me to hide in the comfort of another

Lose my sanity for a while

Even all the while–You were there

My blood

My sweat

My tears

You traded them for peace

You nailed them to a cross and they oozed out of Your feet

Your hands

Your sides

You became my mess

A bloody mess

On a cross not fit for a King

And now I am a Queen

Beauty is more than skin deep

And still you made this brown skin beautiful

And still you clothed me in royal clothes

Still You attracted me to an attraction that was more than just physical

Intimacy is more than just physical

And now I know, because it never sustained me

And now I know, only You can sustain me

Me and my mess

You are my mess

And I am your Queen

Wednesday Reflection

This morning on the drive into work I was reminded by Holy Spirit how important relationship is to Him. He is all about it. That is difficult for me b/c I am all about the formula. Without me realizing it I fall into the formula. A + B = C. It gets tricky b/c the formula is a works-based approach to life. If I do this then I get this. If I do that than I get that. But that is not how God is. He is relationship. That means the goal is really to engage with Him in this life experience and out of that engaging we bear fruit. Often I drift away from the engaging and I start thinking the blessings are coming b/c of my works. Though I do believe in the principle of sowing and reaping, I know there is a fine line.  I love to accumulate knowledge. I love to learn. But with an increase in knowledge comes with it the danger of pride. On the contrary relationship heals and offers love. Love covers a multitude of sins. Over and over again. That is the beauty in relationship.

I am reminded that before the world began I was called. That means in spite of all of my weaknesses and issues He chose me. I did not choose Him. Pride leads me into thinking I chose Him. Pride leads me into believing that somehow I can earn my way into the calling He has on my life. Until I fall. And realize the burden must be on Him to complete that work He started in me. He gets glory in my weakness and makes it His strength.

There are so many blessings in my life in this season. This year He has done exceedingly, abundantly above all I could ask or think. He has given me the desires of my heart. He has kept me. He has made His heart known toward me on a daily basis. He has hedged me in. And even though I have a record of His faithfulness in my life to look back on, anxiety brings torment.

I trust Him that in this relationship He will bring victory over torment as He has done so many times in the past. Maybe it will take a while. Like so many other things have taken a while. But I’m sure it will come.

A formula cannot possibly be applicable to this life journey with Him when we are all so different. What works for one cannot work for another. No one else has my personality and life experience or world outlook. No one else relates to the Father in exactly the way I do. And no one else can speak into me or my calling accurately unless the Holy Spirit gives that person insight into me and His plans for me. Instead the Potter who is intimately acquainted with all of our ways tailor makes the journey to fit His intended end in each of us. If nothing else gives us security, that should.  

The Potter molding and shaping and teaching.  

The One who knows us best leading us.  

(Psalm 23) “He makes me to lie down in green pastures. He leads me besides the still waters…”

SHALOM.