It’s been 2 years but it feels more like one. Every day I think about you and since that day life hasn’t been the same. Things moved swiftly foreword yet at the same time stood still. So many days I thought the pain would never end.
It hasn’t ended but it’s dimmed.
I see you at the store, on tv, while running errands. You are everywhere and anything can trigger a memory; a time when we were together in the physical. I realize how quickly my childhood passed and how you and gramma were the bulk of it.
And its over.
Somehow God saw fit to surround me with so many who are not blood related but who love me just as fiercely. Sisters who are steadfast, spiritual parents who fill the gap, brothers who care… I still yearn for my own but I so appreciate that they are there. I never would have made it if they weren’t there.
Just a few moments this past year…
I moved. And moving was bitter sweet. I laid in your bed for as long as I could before I had to pack it and relocate. I kept the mattress. It’s like laying in your arms. And literally this home is hugging me with its warmth and comfort.
God is the best comforter.
He comforted me these last 2 years for sure. Using people and circumstances and financial blessings. I have been so blessed. But there has been so much emptiness and loss. It feels like the holes are just now being filled.
And now we are struggling with a virus. The whole world is struggling. They call it a pandemic. And it’s kind of crazy to me its a virus that is related to the illness that you yourself battled some 20 something years. Those last few days were horrible. I don’t even like to think about them. And some would say you lost the battle, but I know better.
I saw you in your glorified body in a dream I had right before your passing. I had no idea what was to come, but the dream has been one of many comforts.
Thank you for being great. I would not be who I am without you. I wouldn’t have made it this far. I’m so grateful for your sacrifices and how you poured out your life for me. Even when things were rough between us, you were always for me. I appreciate that now. I didn’t know our time would be so short and the only regret is that I didn’t know.
But even in the not knowing we knew. And spent those last few months together. And I will forever treasure them. It is a gift of the Father who knows when we don’t know. Who sees when we don’t see. And who is always for us.
Thank You Father for providing these 2 years. For keeping my mind and teaching me mental strength. For being with me even when I felt alone. For being the net when I jumped by faith. For catching me when I fell. Over and over again.
Your love is miraculous. And it is that love I pray that somehow others will experience in the midst of such uncertainty. Such difficult things happen in this life and yet You are the hope.
You are the light in the midst of darkness.
And now we are the light.
Forever and always Alayna Miller, you are loved.