How many are walking around today who look perfectly normal? How many appear to have it all together when their internal world is falling apart? You would be surprised. Many are probably surprised at this post. I have shared in parts about my struggle with mental health issues before, but never to this degree. I hope that someone is encouraged that even though it can take a while, the pain does end.
Of course, it was still going to be a while before I would see some real progress in my healing journey. My mind, at this point, felt like it was being eaten alive by rats and like they were gnawing at my brain. I so desperately wanted relief.
What tools are you using in fighting your experience with mental health? Do you have someone or people in your life to confide in with your battle?
All of a sudden, I became afraid to make the next move. All of a sudden, I became afraid to make the wrong move. I had these thoughts in my mind that said, “What if I am outside of God’s will if I apply to this job? What if I am outside of the will of God if I apply to that job? What if, what if, what if…”Have you been there? Do you struggle with excessive, compulsive thoughts that have no rhyme, reason or even logic to them?
I have been blessed to have found an outlet for the current of life, in my friendships. These women have adopted me into their hearts and named me their sister. They say the word so effortlessly and fill it with a grace that smooths out my broken edges and difficult ways. They have been the very sponges to polish my jarring weaknesses. They have been God’s hands to uphold me in the midst of trauma, loss, heartbreak, and pain.
Living single during a pandemic is no easy task. Once upon a time you found your world bombarded with girl’s night outs, networking events, and maybe even “Netflix and chill” time with bae. Then suddenly, the girls were quarantining, zoom calls sabotaged the in-person wine/coffee meet-ups, and how do you meet bae when there’s no social events to meet him/her at?
Is it better to wait knowingly, when it’s hard and the anxiety and uncertainty of the future is your companion, but the fruit of the waiting is that your desire is adequately fulfilled in the very best possible way?
I reflected back on the last 20 years, which were far from horrible. I felt that most of my greatest experiences were actually happening now, in my 30s. I realized that, though life has been far from easy, the experiences and opportunities I’ve had are probably very unique from many outside of my community, and academic acquaintances.
As soon as we landed I felt different. A long awaited smile broke through under my mask and I’m sure the sunshine reflected the gleam in my eyes easily. In just 6 hours I was transported from 30 degrees with snow to 80 degrees with sand. It’s kind of miraculous when you think about it,… Continue reading Christmas In The Sand
Sometimes God is just funny. Like, I normally think about Him in terms of being loving, and gracious, and kind. Caring, and gentle, and intimate…but not really funny. Today, I had to literally laugh out loud though, because I realized, He really does have a sense of humor. The Guy is a straight up comedian.… Continue reading Do You Want a Cat?
Before this season I knew next to nothing about getting a book publishing deal. And can I tell you a secret? Even with two self-published books under my belt, I still didn’t consider myself “a real writer”. I mean, I’m a good writer (in my opinion) but I did not study writing or major in… Continue reading A Real Writer