I have other friends who do not have close families, and so we have been intentional to connect during these times, so that we have someone. For the last three Christmases, one of my besties and I have taken trips that have been phenomenal. There have been some sad moments of course, but the comfort of sharing these moments with someone who gets it, is invaluable. I understand that the road I am called to walk is definitely rocky, but there are several around me who are walking it with me, and that brings its own joy.
What? I’m able to walk? I should be walking? This was news to me! I had been hobbling, rolling, crawling and hopping around for the last 6 weeks, but no walking. I had been doing everything BUT walking! Now, I can just walk?!
As soon as I heard the Hawaiian people’s native calls echoing in the atmosphere, chills caressed my arms and my mind flashed back to a time where I didn’t even exist when African tribal groups released a similar sound. I knew in that moment, we were all the same. So many cultures have that same history of tribal people groups, navigating the land God gave them, being good to it, and reaping from the benefit of those nurturing acts. The land was good to them and in return, it flourished.
How many Christians and church people are conducting their faith out of fear? I’m sure there are too many. What I learned through this experience, is that, just as scripture says, nothing can separate us from His love. After my healing, I learned to be more free in my faith, and I was released from feeling like I always needed to make the right choice.
How many are walking around today who look perfectly normal? How many appear to have it all together when their internal world is falling apart? You would be surprised. Many are probably surprised at this post. I have shared in parts about my struggle with mental health issues before, but never to this degree. I hope that someone is encouraged that even though it can take a while, the pain does end.
Of course, it was still going to be a while before I would see some real progress in my healing journey. My mind, at this point, felt like it was being eaten alive by rats and like they were gnawing at my brain. I so desperately wanted relief.
What tools are you using in fighting your experience with mental health? Do you have someone or people in your life to confide in with your battle?
All of a sudden, I became afraid to make the next move. All of a sudden, I became afraid to make the wrong move. I had these thoughts in my mind that said, “What if I am outside of God’s will if I apply to this job? What if I am outside of the will of God if I apply to that job? What if, what if, what if…”Have you been there? Do you struggle with excessive, compulsive thoughts that have no rhyme, reason or even logic to them?
I have been blessed to have found an outlet for the current of life, in my friendships. These women have adopted me into their hearts and named me their sister. They say the word so effortlessly and fill it with a grace that smooths out my broken edges and difficult ways. They have been the very sponges to polish my jarring weaknesses. They have been God’s hands to uphold me in the midst of trauma, loss, heartbreak, and pain.
Living single during a pandemic is no easy task. Once upon a time you found your world bombarded with girl’s night outs, networking events, and maybe even “Netflix and chill” time with bae. Then suddenly, the girls were quarantining, zoom calls sabotaged the in-person wine/coffee meet-ups, and how do you meet bae when there’s no social events to meet him/her at?
Is it better to wait knowingly, when it’s hard and the anxiety and uncertainty of the future is your companion, but the fruit of the waiting is that your desire is adequately fulfilled in the very best possible way?