As I mentioned previously on this little blog things are moving quickly. Yesterday we did the inspection on the house and while there were several things brought to my attention I was assured by the professional (the inspector) that these items were a given for a house of this age. In fact, it was in good condition given its age.
An interesting phenomenon occurred yesterday. I found that while the inspector was highlighting certain things my eyes became open to them also, either while he was speaking and sometimes even before he spoke. I told him that just being around him was giving me “eyes to see”. It is an interesting occurrence that we can be influenced to that capacity by people around us, even those we have just met. I can see this as being symbolic of my spiritual journey. Being “around” Christ these 15 years has greatly influenced me and helped me to “see”.
Recently I had an interaction with a family member and I was greatly discouraged to find that they did not “see”. It had been a while since we had spoken and the reason for our disconnection was due to their own narcissism and selfishness. I felt that I was called to implement strong boundaries to focus on my own health and healing during a season of recovery. I had hopes that one day the relationship could be restored, so when they reached out I was surprised, but hopeful. Unfortunately upon interacting with them I soon learned that they had not grown.
They had not healed.
They were (still) toxic.
I did not understand why they were still in the same place. How could all this time have passed and they did not see? But I was reminded of the gift I have in community and the teaching I am under. I am surrounded by people who value healthy relationships. I am surrounded by people who desire to grow and change for the better. I am influenced by those around me.
Maybe one day that relationship will be restored but for now I must continue on my own path. The Father has given me all the tools needed to accomplish His purpose on this path and I am grateful for the greatest tool He has given:
Now I understand so much why He revealed Himself to me as He did. He told me years ago He would be anything that I needed and I so have needed Him as Father, Husband, & Family.
I pray that God brings forth His desires in the earth. As an intercessor I can’t help but to do so. But I also understand we all have choices. And I choose to value myself above someone else who will try to devalue me.
I choose to protect myself from others who may bring me harm.
I choose to see myself as He sees me.