Can I share something with you? I tend to get “stuck”. This is something I didn’t realize about myself until this season but it’s true. I get stuck on songs. My roommate can attest to this as I will put a song on repeat in a minute! I LOVE listening to the same song over and over! I’m doing it now. I’m having a hard time getting through the whole Hillsong United album because I’m stuck on “Prince of Peace” & “Scandal of Grace”. But in general getting stuck on a song is not necessarily a bad thing. It actually can serve as great background music when you’re studying for an exam or writing a book. That’s my experience anyway. But getting stuck on thoughts, well, that’s another story. You see I tend to get stuck on thoughts too. And maybe if they were super happy memories like my grandmother taking me to the amusement park or my best friends showering their love on me during a road trip or other excursion that would be great. But no, these thoughts tend to be negative and even dark. They are a constant temptation that I give into more often than I resist and before this season I just lived with it. I barely recognized it. Then God said it was time to address those negative thoughts.
“You need resilience”, He said. I remember years ago He said I needed endurance. Then I waited several years for a spouse, ran a half marathon and waited years to move on in my career. I’m pretty sure I have that endurance now. Then I remember He said He was giving me discipline. I obtained that Masters degree in Accounting and that involved a lot of discipline. It involved a lot of faith too because I was really bad at Accounting in undergrad! But now He says I need resilience. I need resilience not just in recovering from toxic thinking but recovering from toxic relationships.
My friend was sharing with me a little while ago about a sermon she heard about David. The minister shared that while David’s child was ill David prayed and fasted and wept before the Lord. He cried out and interceded and pleaded that his child would live. But then his child died. And instead of continuing in mourning, David got up and ordered his servants to feed him. They marveled because others would now grieve but David did the opposite.
David understood something. He understood the times to weep and the times to count your losses and move forward.
I have not understood that. I have wept and wept and wept. I have grieved and grieved and grieved. But now I am learning, there is a time to move on.
There is a time to realize that the past is the past and though it was good, the present and the future can actually be even better.
I am learning resilience. I am learning to count my losses and keep it moving. I am learning to believe that the future is full of prosperity and peace and beauty.
I am learning that my present is full of all those things too.
My friend and I at a family gathering…