Archive | February 2016

The Art of Waiting

I have an interview today. It is the one I’ve been wanting for 3 months now. 3 very long months. When talking about it with a friend she mentioned how waiting is God’s way with me and how much better this time of waiting has went compared to the last time in my career (which took place some 9 years ago).  But even in my excitement at this potential movement in my career I sobered up when realizing the wait may be a little longer than I expected. There are a couple of components to the interview. Multiple individuals are involved and therefore multiple people’s schedules are involved. As a result there may be a longer time frame then I would prefer for closure with this particular opportunity (in all honesty it has already been longer than I preferred). I of course am not putting all of my eggs in one basket. I am keeping an open mind to other opportunities but it’s a little difficult when you feel there is divine intervention involved. When you feel the Lord has given you a word, a promise, and then circumstances cause you to wait for that promise.

My history with Christ has been that way. 9 years ago He gave me a word but then told me to wait on the fruition of that word. It took 5 months but it came to pass.

Lately as I scroll through my FB timeline there are baby pictures everywhere. If not pics then news of pregnancies. It seems amplified lately and I’m not sure why. Normally this type of thing doesn’t bother me but maybe its because of my own transition in this season and waiting for some things to be birthed in my own life, I’m feeling bothered. And maybe it’s because I’m quickly approaching my 33rd b day, I’m waiting once again in my career, still waiting in the area of relationships, and realizing how very little control I have in this life.

The one thing that is clear to me is, I am learning the art of waiting in order to learn the art of living eternal. I simply cannot live for this life. I simply cannot hold on to anything temporary.

I have been emptied out. There has been much fruit from this emptying out and there is much fruit to come but the harvest does not negate the pain from the sacrifice. The longevity of the path of surrender can be overwhelming at times but that is when the supernatural manifests. When you simply cannot do it in and of yourself He does it through you.

Christ in us, the hope of glory.

SHALOM

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Corporate Soul Winner

10 years ago I learned a valuable lesson in my career. I learned that God will not just put me anywhere. An open door in my career meant a spiritual assignment from Him. That spiritual assignment was also 2 fold:

1. It was to shape me into His image

2. It was to win souls to Him.

The first assignment was in such an unhealthy environment that He pre-warned me about it by giving me a dream. He also had me waiting in so much anticipation beforehand I was extra grateful for the work opportunity!  Even still, my gratefuleness lasted all but 3 months and I was soon petitioning Him for a QUICK release! The things I experienced at that place of unemployment were unheard of in a corporate setting but I endured and there was purpose there.

The 2nd assignment was “the reward”but first I had to face some spiritual warfare before that door opened. God fought for me, used it to develop me and still gave me His promise. But even in the promise land there is testing and 5 years later I moved into another testing period. Then after 3 years I overcame this test and was released (thank You Lord).  I had completed another assignment which resulted in both my own transformation and an addition of souls to the kingdom.

And now I am at my 3rd assignment. This assignment reminds me more of the first. Instead of savvy businessmen and woman I’m working with a different social class. Some have felonies, different baby daddies, need food stamps to make ends meet, but God loves them. He sent me there to tell them that. Me with my degrees from my prestigious universities and my fly pencil skirts and blazers. I seem like an unlikely candidate for this assignment, but have my own family history that qualifies me (as well as God’s leadership).

My associate and I talked yesterday about how you simply cannot judge another person by their outward appearance. But people do it all the time. If I would have judged Christ who was nothing exciting to look at, who was born in a manger and was a Carpenter for a living, well, I would haved missed the mark.

I reflect on this assignment and see its similarity to my very 1st assignment. God could have given me His promotion immediately after my release, but He chose not to. Instead I needed to be shaped even more.

And more souls needed saving.

As difficult as it has been to submit to His lordship Im grateful He chooses to keep removing the pride with these humbling assignments. Im glad He keeps reminding me of what is really important.

People are important.

They come in all different shapes, sizes, colors and social classes. And He has called me to them all.

He has called me to win the masses.

SHALOM

Sumbission & Control

Have you ever tried to control God? Not like blatantly tell Him what to do because you know that would be silly but instead you plan and plot and secretly put time limits on Him when it comes to occurrences of your life. So really its like you are trying to control your life but since He is the Author of your life it’s really Him you are trying to control.

And even though I’m  saying “you” I actually am speaking to myself here.

I heard a preacher recently say we have faith as long as we can see how God will move. We all have an expiration date to our faith. I agree with that statement. I had so much faith and thought my faith was limitless. Now I know it is the faith of the Son that is limitless. My own faith runs out eventually when the waiting gets too long. When I realize that God is not moving in my time frame or opening doors in my fashion or even opening the doors that I want opened. No matter how many times I pass these tests I seem to default to this false way of thinking and functioning.

I default to control.

In this transition period it took me a while to realize that the open door I was waiting for was already open. It took me a while to see the work He put before me is the assignment to focus on and once again I needed to Be Present. I needed to live in the NOW. I needed to adjust my expectations, stop putting limits on Him, stop trying to control Him, and humble myself. When I asked Him why I always seem to be in this predicament of being tested through waiting and humility His response was that He is chastising me.

He chastises those He loves.

My good friend told me “God is trying to catch up our character with out gifts!” I think she is right. I see now this is a lifelong process. I am once again submitting to the process.

And relinquishing control.

SHALOM

THIS V DAY

We met for our first one on one.  It was magic.  We held hands while skating around the ice. He was light on his feet and ever so graceful, even though it was his first time.  We glided and danced as if it were a dream.  It was.  I was in awe of this man and his beauty.  How could this be when there had been 8 years of nothing?  We took breaks and warmed ourselves by the outside fire.  We made small talk with strangers and I was affirmed of my own beauty.  We made our way to the gallery and pretended to look at sculptures and paintings but really we were looking at each other.  Was this real?  I was swept off my feet and had no idea that such a thing was possible.  Over dinner we conversed for hours about the future and our plans and how similar they were.  The evening ended with the exchanging of gifts and a kiss.  Our first.

That is my experience 2 years ago on Valentines’ Day.  It was the epitome of romance and could have easily been written in a romance novel or a movie script.  But it was real.  What I did not know then and what I have since learned is that the reality is there are layers to people.  There are layers to this life and there is nothing “black and white”.  There are strongholds and generational curses and things much bigger than ourselves.  

We have callings much bigger than ourselves.

I have walked away from love a few times in my life.  I have laid it down and suffered heartbreak as a result.  But I have learned the heartbreak I have experienced from walking away only protected me from greater heartbreak.  I don’t know if I will experience another romantic date like that but in all honesty I don’t want one.  I would rather be protected and respected and loved.  Truly loved.  Not a misguided, selfish, immature love that doesn’t last as soon as the first storm hits.  But a deep, sturdy, selfless love, built on a foundation of character and wisdom.

I looked forward to fellowship today.  I looked forward to dialoguing about eternal things with people who love me with the Lord’s love.  I looked forward to wearing a cute outfit and drinking a cup of coffee and having a really good hair day, b/c that doesn’t always happen.  I  will probably go grocery shopping and make this soup I found on Pinterest.  I may stop at Marshalls to do some therapeutic shopping.  I will call one of my BFF’s who sent me a V Day gift in the mail b/c my friends are thoughtful that way.

This V day isn’t at all like the one 2 years ago.  Instead it’s quiet, at times stretching, and yet still fulfilling.  I’m learning life is complicated and people are complex.  I’m also learning the Father knows best.

My spiritual dad and I…  

 SHALOM

Walking Out, Taking Thoughts Captive

Ever have a time in life you feel lost?  You struggle with your identity?  Highlights of life and Jesus seem like distant memories and yet were only months ago?  I could not relate to people who did not feel His presence or experience a continuous expression of His reality.  I could not be there for my friend when she reacted to the perceived darkness and cried out for help in the only way she knew how; coldness and rejection and anger.  I could not relate b/c I did not know the darkness.  I have since experienced the darkness.

Now I know how to respond.

I know to respond in love and support and grace.  That is how my friends are responding to me in this season.  They are continuously there and once again, I am learning love through them.  Even when I can’t connect with Him I have their faces before me reminding me He is there b/c they are there.

He gave me them.

   
   
I walked out yesterday.  My emotions were high along with my insecurities and I walked out.  I had never done anything like that before.  I had never quit anything in my life but I was ready to change all that.  I was wounded from the past and the journey and I was overwhelmed with the constant stretching and testing and so I left.  But then I came back because God gave grace to do that.  And I apologized, because He gave grace for that too.

When I can’t connect and I don’t feel His presence and it feels like I’m lost, I remember the words He spoke over my life.  I remember His promises and His plans that have yet to come to past.  I remember that HE is eternal and the fact that HE sees the end from the beginning means the words He spoke over me must come to pass because He saw what has not yet manifested.  That means He is not done with me.  And that truth comforts me.

I was listening to a sermon today about taking captive your thoughts and meditating on what is true.  The preacher said to hold on to one thought that is true.  To just hold on.

My thought is “He is not done with me yet.  He will complete the work He started”.

That word is for you too.

SHALOM