Hi! If you’re in the Columbus area I’d love to see you at my next event! See below👇🏾☺️
Hi guys! I think I’ve mentioned I’ve been branching out in my writing more. One of the ways I’ve been growing as a writer is by taking a poetry workshop. To celebrate the completion of our class we are having a poetry slam this Saturday! If you’re in the area I’d love for you to come! Details are below😊.
I realize that I am an “all in” type person. When it comes to relationships, work, or any other project I dive in full force and do not loosen my reins until that thing comes to completion (go me). This character trait has helped me immensely in my career when in spite of 3 bouts with unemployment and an attempt from one company to sabotage my move to the next, I thrived (go Jesus). It has caused me to complete 2 college degrees regardless of the battle I faced in my academic endeavors. It allowed me to write 2 books in the midst of battling anxiety and depression. It has helped me to be one that endures.
Well as you may have guessed, there is a negative side to being an “all-inner”. Though my intentions have been good and sincere, I have a history of leaping blindly and foolishly into unhealthy relationships, giving my all when it wasn’t safe to do so. Thankfully Holy Spirit intervened and pulled me out of the cycle of dysfunction many never escape from. My ancestors never escaped from. But there have been consequences to my over-zealousness. Now I am in a place where I have to learn how to not be “so extra”. I have to learn balance and boundaries. I have to learn how to properly navigate a relationship that was so badly bruised that there seems to be no bandaid big enough to heal it.
I sat across from my good friend the other night. She shared her relationships woes. I encouraged her to believe God for His best. I feel very strongly He brought us together for me to share my story on waiting on His best. She looked at me with pain in her eyes, bit her lip and murmured what was on her heart. “But you did wait”, she said. You did know Him deeply and intimately and yet you are still waiting”. She is right. I am still waiting. I told her about how this world is passing away. I told her our relationship with Him has to be of the utmost importance. I rattled off the scriptures He put on my heart and even texted her a few. But I knew that the spiritual blessing of doing His will was not enough. I realized that He created the earth to reflect the heavens and that means the reward that we have in heaven must be manifested in the earth.
I have received the word about my reward coming 6 times thus far in a span of only a few weeks. God is being very loud and clear: for those who have waited, for those who have endured, you will REAP.
I told my friend this as we sat across the table over appetizers and drinks. It wasn’t enough to offer her encouragement about her spiritual reward. She needed to know that yes, we do get blessed this side of heaven.
I am in between my blessing. I have surrendered, I have endured, I have obeyed. I have yielded and agreed and walked by faith but I do not yet have the promise. I am learning how to live in between the demonstration of my faith through my works and the manifestation of HIs promise. It is a vulnerable place but I feel His grace to navigate this area of life.
In other news…
If you’re in the area I have exciting news! My book release party for HTOHB2 will be Saturday, March 11th which also happens to be the start of Purim! I hope you are able to make it!
And if you’re not in the area join the Twitter party for HTOHB2 Sunday, March 12th!
And if you have fallen behind on my Youtube videos feel free to visit my youtube site here.
Its an interesting thing when your relationship with God changes. Well maybe interesting isnt the most accurate word to describe it. At least not for me. As is my normal this transition/change in season was pretty traumatic/dramatic. I did not understand the silence and the still small voice. I did not understand how after nearly 15 years of the very loud voice could God switch to a whisper? How could it be that for so long we spoke face to face then all of a sudden it seemed He hid His face from me? But I came across an old journal entry that confirmed what I already knew.
This was a “dry season”.
Amos 8:11 NIV
“The days are coming,” declares the Sovereign LORD, “when I will send a famine through the land— not a famine of food or a thirst for water, but a famine of hearing the words of the LORD.”
I never even knew that scripture existed (except for the fact that I found it in an old journal) but it so captures this season for me. I feel He has been diligent to send His word indirectly to me through circumstances and people but not directly. This has been weird since there has been nothing indirect about my relationship with God since I surrendered to Him as a teenager.
Over and over I have struggled with believing in His presence when I cannot feel His presence. How can He be here if I do not feel Him? I kept wondering. And then this morning while listening to a favorite minister the Word of the Lord came (as it has so often) through him. He shared that when we think God is not there simply because we do not hear Him our thinking is rooted in pride. Ouch. He said that God’s response to this thinking was similar to when He responded to Job…
“Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it? On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone— while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy?”
I realized my struggle comes down to a false belief of knowing. So often our gift can also be a weakness. Because He has chosen to operate with me in “knowing” so often I have mistaken that to mean He has told me “all” when in fact it has only been some. We see in part and we know in part.
The dry season is not a “fun” season. It doesn’t have the emotional high of intimacy that I’m used to. It doesn’t have the spiritual songs birthed out of those quiet times or the prophetic dreams telling of things to come. But what it does have is the power to develop me mentally and make me more stable emotionally. And for that I am grateful.
In my journal 12 years ago I wrote that the dry season is a good season because things catch on fire when they are dry.
I look forward to being on fire…
In other news, if you’re struggling with communication in relationships and would like some tips check out my latest YouTube!
AND if you or someone you know is dealing with heartbreak I am now offering Skype calls! And the first 30 minutes are free! Simply email me for details…
It happens to the best of us: someone catches your eye or maybe you caught theirs. Perhaps there followed a nice stimulating conversation after that initial attraction. The atmosphere seemed perfect, the dialogue phenomenal, and you can’t help but think, “Hmmm, this may just lead to something”…
To read more check out my guest blog post at Single Roots “When You Like Them But They Dont Like You Back”!
I’ve been watching “slave” shows lately. One of them was “Underground” and it was really good. Though I really appreciated the character development, storyline and creative writing it entailed I was let down by the lack of spirituality. There seemed to be no characters with really deep relationships with Christ. I think it has to do with the fact that people who have not had an encounter with Him cannot reconcile a God of love with suffering so they are unable to write about Him. I struggle with that too sometimes…
The latest show I’m watching now is “Glory”. It was actually made in the late 80s and maybe because I was just born I don’t recall seeing it growing up. “Glory” is a recounting of the civil war from the Union’s perspective. It tells the story of an all black regiment who are made up primarily of run-away slaves. As one character put it “We runaway slaves, but we come back fightin’ men.” Though many of them are run-away, there is one man who is free. He was born free and his father before him. He is well educated, speaks properly and has cheered on the freedom of his people in a sense from the sidelines. He was actually very close to the Captain of the army; they grew up together. But though the slaves had it so much worse then he, it turns out the other mens’ slavery actually better equipped them for the battle ahead.
The men who were slaves learned discipline, both physical and mental. They learned to control themselves in order to stay alive. They learned to take orders and they learned to endure monotonous grueling work for long periods of time. When the men are trained to be soldiers the freeman is targeted by the man training them because of his physical weaknesses. At one point the Captain intervenes on the freeman’s behalf telling the Trainer that they grew up together, to which the Trainer responds, “Then let him keep growing up”.
The freeman did not understand why the Trainer was so hard on him. He did not understand the training process, but the whole time I was watching the story unfold it was so heavy on my heart that he needed the training to be difficult. He needed the training to be difficult because the war would be difficult. The Captain knew that. He had fought in a previous battle where many men were lost and he was adamant that his men be trained to endure such a battle.
Spiritual battles and physical battles are so similar. I have always felt that we, as humans, were born into war. We were born into a war where there are casualties and there are soldiers and there are choices to be made on which one we will be. I believe Christ came so that we do not have to be casualties. I believe He came to show us that we too can have the victory.
But we will have to fight for it.
There is a process we are each called to. It can be difficult marriages or difficult children or poverty. It can be physical sickness, mental illness or tragedy. Whatever the process it is for refinement. There are seasons where I hate my process and there are seasons where I love it and there are seasons I feel both. There is an ebb and flow to my journey and for much of it I have fought the flow.
He has birthed out 2 books anyway. He has given me jobs and titles and degrees and positions and ministries. Even in spite of myself.
I believe the training we receive is not just for our battles here on earth but the positions we will hold in eternity. I hope to one day hear those words “Well done My good and faithful servant” but there are times where I wonder if He is pleased at all. Though I know His Word says otherwise…
I hope you will see that your process is not in vain. He is training you and the harder the training the greater the reward. The greater the harvest. The better the solder you will be. Soldiers are not born, they are made. You must go through the process to be made.
Months ago He said to me, “Who are you Nicole?” My reply was, “I’m a warrior”. He said, “Then fight!”
As warriors we must fight. As soldier we must train. As His, we have already won.
I was told good things come in 3’s. I’m not a superstitious person however I know that there are patterns and ways of God that we can become awakened to. Our change in the seasons in nature are an indication of that.
That being said, if such a thing exists then I am a recipient of the “3-rule blessing”. My first week at work went well. For three workdays in a row my employer treated me to lunch. The first day was actually with my former employer who will now be my current employer part time since I’m still helping him with his business. Someone tell me how you go from 0 to 4 jobs in one year??? Only God. Training is just what I needed too. I have had so many insecurities and fears concerning this calling in accounting. My undergrad experience was pretty shocking and I think my accounting prof would think it laughable I am actually considering my CPA. But God is our weakness where we are strong. He definitely has been my strength in this area…
It turns out I had nothing to fear as my Controller took his time training me and I was even able to help him in some areas. The overall feel of this position is one of “chill”. The atmosphere is void of the stress and anxiety my previous employers carried. The anxiety that I too previously carried…Maybe it is a prophetic picture. I can rest now.
So I’ve been worried for nothing (as is always the case). It is like the Father is holding my hand and walking me through the steps it takes to get to where We are going. I am overwhelmed with His good gifts to me in this season. One of those gifts is my new book How To Overcome Heartbreak: Stories That Heal. This book took me exactly 9 months to begin and publish. Earlier this year He gave me a dream showing me pregnant with a very large child. He showed me it would be an easy delivery. It was…
I never imagined I would be an author. That I would write about very personal things. That the place that used to be my hiding place as a child–the library–would now find my own writings in its aisles and on its shelves. I am in awe.
I was told more books would come and there would be a demand for them. I was told they would come without sorrow. I desire that. To not have to go through very hard things in order to write. I look forward to this next chapter of my life, which consists of my new accounting position, this new book, and a new grace…
To find out more about my new book How To Overcome Heartbreak: Stories That Heal click here.
Some really good times lately…
Seeing God's goodness in the unexpected path.
Where passion meets potential.
Testimonies of a Christian and lessons learned on the journey. Psalm 119:2
A saved single Mother pursuing Jesus
Gospel-Centered Resources For The Gospel-Driven Life
just about life.
A blog for Single Men and Women Who Desire to Marry
Becoming a Proverbs 31 wife...
... About Living Humbly and Loving Well
musings of a modern monk
Thoughts on Christ Centered Singleness and the Church
Expressing the love of Jesus through my personal reflections.
is now http://www.loveinwaiting.wordpress.com
Embarking on motherhood through the miracle of adoption.