I realize that I am an “all in” type person. When it comes to relationships, work, or any other project I dive in full force and do not loosen my reins until that thing comes to completion (go me). This character trait has helped me immensely in my career when in spite of 3 bouts with unemployment and an attempt from one company to sabotage my move to the next, I thrived (go Jesus). It has caused me to complete 2 college degrees regardless of the battle I faced in my academic endeavors. It allowed me to write 2 books in the midst of battling anxiety and depression. It has helped me to be one that endures.
Well as you may have guessed, there is a negative side to being an “all-inner”. Though my intentions have been good and sincere, I have a history of leaping blindly and foolishly into unhealthy relationships, giving my all when it wasn’t safe to do so. Thankfully Holy Spirit intervened and pulled me out of the cycle of dysfunction many never escape from. My ancestors never escaped from. But there have been consequences to my over-zealousness. Now I am in a place where I have to learn how to not be “so extra”. I have to learn balance and boundaries. I have to learn how to properly navigate a relationship that was so badly bruised that there seems to be no bandaid big enough to heal it.
I sat across from my good friend the other night. She shared her relationships woes. I encouraged her to believe God for His best. I feel very strongly He brought us together for me to share my story on waiting on His best. She looked at me with pain in her eyes, bit her lip and murmured what was on her heart. “But you did wait”, she said. You did know Him deeply and intimately and yet you are still waiting”. She is right. I am still waiting. I told her about how this world is passing away. I told her our relationship with Him has to be of the utmost importance. I rattled off the scriptures He put on my heart and even texted her a few. But I knew that the spiritual blessing of doing His will was not enough. I realized that He created the earth to reflect the heavens and that means the reward that we have in heaven must be manifested in the earth.
Mark 10:29-30 (NIV)
“Truly I tell you,” Jesus replied, “no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age: homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields—along with persecutions—and in the age to come eternal life.
I have received the word about my reward coming 6 times thus far in a span of only a few weeks. God is being very loud and clear: for those who have waited, for those who have endured, you will REAP.
I told my friend this as we sat across the table over appetizers and drinks. It wasn’t enough to offer her encouragement about her spiritual reward. She needed to know that yes, we do get blessed this side of heaven.
I am in between my blessing. I have surrendered, I have endured, I have obeyed. I have yielded and agreed and walked by faith but I do not yet have the promise. I am learning how to live in between the demonstration of my faith through my works and the manifestation of HIs promise. It is a vulnerable place but I feel His grace to navigate this area of life.
In other news…
If you’re in the area I have exciting news! My book release party for HTOHB2 will be Saturday, March 11th which also happens to be the start of Purim! I hope you are able to make it!
And if you’re not in the area join the Twitter party for HTOHB2 Sunday, March 12th!
And if you have fallen behind on my Youtube videos feel free to visit my youtube site here.