Tag Archive | patience

Building Slowly

I admit I can be an impatient person.  Even after all these years and all the tests God has used to develop patience w/in me, it is not my preference to wait.  But in the world of getting to know new people and developing relationships, I have come to value a person that takes their time.


This summer has allotted me with several occasions to meet new people but no matter the person, the outcome was the same: things moved fast.  There were frequent phone calls and text messages and connections made, but always a tone of urgency and even insincerity.  This time however I am intrigued to have a different experience.  In the short time of our meeting, he takes his time.  There is careful balance of showing interest, but not diving in too deep.  It is nice when someone can correctly match the emotions and physical boundaries of a relationship with its developmental stage.  I have been in so many situations where that was not the case and for that reason I appreciate it all the more.

I heard it said recently that women lose their mystery quickly these days.  As Christian women that can be easy to fall into because many of us do not get pursued often so when it happens we can get so excited that we give away too much too fast (I have always struggled in that area).  Then afterwards, often the man does not feel the need to earn what has already been given.  He does not feel the need to rise to the occasion, because instead we lowered ourselves to it.

I’m trying to learn from my past mistakes.  All things are redeemable with God and He makes all things new.  I want to use this new opportunity to value myself better, stay true to my identity, and enjoy the slow building in the hopes that taking our time will produce something a little bit more longstanding.

SHALOM

 

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These Things Take Time

As many of you know I finally have an open door in my career (hallelujiah). That open door did not look at ALL the way I expected it to and yet it still met so many desires of my heart! For years I wondered about my calling in business, particularly Accounting. My past is laced with insecurity, doubt and even trauma when it comes to crunching numbers 😫. It took a huge leap of faith for me to get an advanced degree in this field but leap I did! As a result I fully expected the outcome to be an overflow! I fully expected the doors to FLY open with promotions and financial reward! Instead they were firmly shut (womp womp).

For 3 years. 

3 long years. And in their place was humility, and waiting, and grace. A lot of grace. But also in their place was a blog—this blog to be exact! And, oh yeah, a book. 

This book to be exact!😉 So looking back I can see the intent and why God (once again) wanted me to wait. I can see His hand weaving and working and creating a story where the protagonist doesn’t soar her way to the top. Instead she slowly, painfully, relies on Him to get her there.

These last 3 months I have worked long and hard to get my boss’ books together. It has been a tedious task and yet I have loved every minute of it because I was FINALLY getting the experience I craved. But that goal of reconciling the numbers was ever before me and even seemed distant at times. Then all of a sudden yesterday, I reached it. It happened so quietly that I almost missed it! I had to say, “Nicole, you’re there. This is it!” 

My boss shared this week he was hoping to have this done sooner and I too agreed. But in our discussion I realized that some things take time. They take time because of the work involved. When things are underdeveloped or overlooked the one in charge has to work hard to get them together.

God is working hard on me. On us. There are areas of our lives we have been ignorant of but He has seen it all, and He has set out to complete that work, no matter how long it takes!

And when He does there will be a sweet satisfaction in knowing you endured the process and that you made it through exactly the way He wanted you to!  Not necessarily the way you envisioned–but the way He did.

This is me working on my new book project!  
SHALOM

At the Car Wash

Yesterday. I waited 40 minutes to get my car washed. 40 minutes. But it seriously was not that big of a deal to me. I have waited much longer for greater desires of my heart. 40 minutes is a drop in the bucket!  In the midst of my wait I posted my status on social media and a friend informed me there was another available car wash close by. This one was automatic and would be faster than the hand wash I was waiting for. I debated. Should I leave and go to the other spot? I’ll be honest and say the biggest reason I chose to stay where I was at was because I simply HATE changing my plans! Once I’m in motion with plan A please do not bring plan B to the table! It causes me anxiety thinking about something different happening. Thankfully God has brought good people in my life who are “plan B” people. They are perfectly fine with switching up life at any given moment and have caused me to be far more flexible then I normally would be. But anyways, I digress…

So I decide to stay where I’m at because I dont like changing plans (even if the new plan is better) and also because, as I told my friend online, “waiting is good for me”. I have become accustomed to waiting. Working in Customer Service has helped with that. I understand the business side of things when it comes to servicing customers and I understand businesses are doing their best (usually) when providing that service. Its not the car wash’s fault everybody and their momma showed up at 4:15pm on Monday afternoon for a wash.  While waiting I realized one of the reasons the Lord has had me wait so much in this journey is to show me that, are you ready for this???

I’M.

NOT.

IN.

CONTROL.

There. I said it. Now you know my deep dark secret. I’m a planner and as a planner I like to control things. That is actually a gift. But a while back Jesus told me, “Nicole, there are some things I have delegated for you to plan. There are others that are in My realm of control“. Jobs, living arrangements, relationships, these are all “Jesus-control-items”.  The small details of life, those are up to me.

At one point while trying to decide if I should visit another car wash I wondered if I was making myself wait unnecessarily longer than what was needed. But I simply did not have the gusto to get out of line and try to find this other random car wash I had never been to.  

Instead I felt more comfortable waiting. 
Who would have thought I would ever choose waiting?

SHALOM