Tag Archive | type a

At the Car Wash

Yesterday. I waited 40 minutes to get my car washed. 40 minutes. But it seriously was not that big of a deal to me. I have waited much longer for greater desires of my heart. 40 minutes is a drop in the bucket!  In the midst of my wait I posted my status on social media and a friend informed me there was another available car wash close by. This one was automatic and would be faster than the hand wash I was waiting for. I debated. Should I leave and go to the other spot? I’ll be honest and say the biggest reason I chose to stay where I was at was because I simply HATE changing my plans! Once I’m in motion with plan A please do not bring plan B to the table! It causes me anxiety thinking about something different happening. Thankfully God has brought good people in my life who are “plan B” people. They are perfectly fine with switching up life at any given moment and have caused me to be far more flexible then I normally would be. But anyways, I digress…

So I decide to stay where I’m at because I dont like changing plans (even if the new plan is better) and also because, as I told my friend online, “waiting is good for me”. I have become accustomed to waiting. Working in Customer Service has helped with that. I understand the business side of things when it comes to servicing customers and I understand businesses are doing their best (usually) when providing that service. Its not the car wash’s fault everybody and their momma showed up at 4:15pm on Monday afternoon for a wash.  While waiting I realized one of the reasons the Lord has had me wait so much in this journey is to show me that, are you ready for this???

I’M.

NOT.

IN.

CONTROL.

There. I said it. Now you know my deep dark secret. I’m a planner and as a planner I like to control things. That is actually a gift. But a while back Jesus told me, “Nicole, there are some things I have delegated for you to plan. There are others that are in My realm of control“. Jobs, living arrangements, relationships, these are all “Jesus-control-items”.  The small details of life, those are up to me.

At one point while trying to decide if I should visit another car wash I wondered if I was making myself wait unnecessarily longer than what was needed. But I simply did not have the gusto to get out of line and try to find this other random car wash I had never been to.  

Instead I felt more comfortable waiting. 
Who would have thought I would ever choose waiting?

SHALOM

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Enjoying the Moment

I started making a power point of all of the highlights from this year. I know, I know, this is super Type A. But that’s what happens when you’re type A and come home every night with energy to spare. What can I say, I always need a project. Every year at the end of the year I do a blog post summarizing my life and what I learned from Jesus and Jesus’ hand on my life. This time I wanted to do something a little extra b/c I felt ridiculously overly blessed by all these experiences. I love love love to keep a record of life. Whether it’s through writing or taking pictures. There is something in me that wants to capture the moment. I am all too aware of how quickly life ends and therefore I want there to be some way to capture it. I also want to leave some type of legacy for those who will come behind me, whether its family or strangers. If in case they ask the questions, “What was important to Nicole or what was her purpose and what did she live for?” I want there to be something here, this side of eternity, that explains the answer.  The great thing about keeping a record is that you can relive those experiences over and over again. I simply pop open the photo album I made of my pics from Haiti and instantly I feel like I’m there all over again. 

  
 
 Haiti is forever in my heart.

Now, I have my little power point (half finished) that I’ll probably share with close loved ones sometime in December. And every time I play it I am there, living out those happy times with loved ones. Social media is great for keeping a record too. Facebook has these Facebook memories that I sometimes look at. Sometimes I don’t b/c there are some memories I would rather not remember. But in the case that there are those that I would, it’s there.  

I guess that’s the downside of capturing memories. Sometimes there are pictures that remind you of a different time and a different life that is now no longer. But even then, I’m learning as I get older, that is just a part of life. There is loss. And there is gain. And God is in the midst of it all.

I love music too. And I love that music can mark a time frame, like 90’s r&b. I listen to songs almost daily and it totally takes me back to my childhood. Music can capture a period of time and then remind you of that period years later. I’ll be incorporating music in my power point as well.

Life is a gift. There have been times that has not been my view and I’m sure there will be other times ahead where I’ll struggle with that view. But for now, I understand, there are times and seasons and like a wise man once said, there is a season for everything. And everything is for its season.  

To you my reader I say, find joy in this season. Find joy in this gift.  

Or at least in the Giver of gifts.  

Please check out my latest guest post at Abundantly You!

SHALOM

A New Perspective 

I was asked recently if I would prefer to be a full time writer. I toiled over that question for about 24 hours and came to the conclusion that “No, I would not want to be a full time writer”. No diss to all the writers out there, it’s just that I realize I am wired a certain way and that way causes me to NEED to use my left brain professionally. If I spent 8-10 hours a day using only my right brain and my right brain skills then I would be ACHING to crunch some numbers and think logically and analytically. That’s when I had an epiphany. Could it be that the Lord has given me this season so that I could have the best of both worlds? As PAINFUL as it has been for me to wait for movement in my career, I think the pain has come because of my own limited understanding of how I am even wired. Disappointment always comes from expectations not being met. Did I have unrealistic expectations because I have only a glimpse of who I even am? Could it be that I was putting myself in a box when really I am multifaceted and there is no label for me? I was told I am not only a writer but an entrepreneur, a young professional and a respectable and capable young woman. Wow. Those are descriptors I would not have used to describe myself and do you know why? Because for me, it is never enough. If I go for a run and I make my goal of 2 miles, at the end of those 2 miles it’s no big deal b/c I did not run very fast. If I get an advanced degree, it is no big deal b/c all of my friends have advanced degrees and some of them have more degrees than I do. If I write and publish a book it is no big deal b/c there are so many around me who do the same thing and have bigger platforms. I compare myself and I fall short. Even when I compare myself with myself, I fall short.

I was listening to a testimony of a married couple who almost threw in the towel. They were trying to keep up with the Jones’. They had multiple businesses, multiple children, a big house, several cars, and the list goes on and on. They were running the rat race of the American Dream until they burnt themselves out and divorce entered the conversation. I could not deny, that would have been me.

God has been merciful to me to slow me down and even as I type that sentence I know that some (my mom for 1) would look at my life and think it is anything but slow. But He did. He slowed it down. And in that slowness He cultivated some things needed in me and is still cultivating. I didn’t realize that it was unique to my personality to become involved in other outlets when I did not receive fulfilment in my career. I did not realize that other personality types would not have done such a thing. While waiting on the Lord it can feel like He is against us. At least, it has felt that way to me. But now I wonder if really what I thought was Him withholding was really Him blessing. Right now I have the best of both worlds. I have time to indulge in creativity and utilize a gift I never would have had I climbed the corporate ladder (think Accountant meets Writer). At the same time I get the perks that stable jobs offer. Having that perspective aligns more with a view that we do not serve a God who is against us. But instead, a loving Father who is always standing in our corner. Cheering us on. And creating a path that will bring out our very best.

SHALOM