So Holy Spirit has been speaking to me about having a vision for my life. I find that a little difficult b/c my experience in this area has caused me to put so many dreams and goals on hold. In the area of relationships/family/living residence/career/and spirituality. Everything has been submitted to Him and every choice He has made has not been what I wanted. Or maybe I wanted it but way earlier than He allowed it. That being said, after reading “The Best Sex of My Life” and being challenged to write down my vision, I wrote the following:
Where do I want to be this time next year?: Feb 2016: I want to be in Elohim’s will, fulfilling all of His assignments in all areas of my life:
1. Relationship status: whether married or single I want to be in His will. I do not want to settle. If I am single I want to continue learning about marriage and developing a realistic expectation. I want to also be walking in wholeness as a single and continue discovering my purpose and identity apart from marriage. If married I want to be the godly wife Christ intended for me to be.
2. Career: I want more Accounting experience! It truly makes me nervous to say that b/c Accounting is my WEAKNESS!!! But where I am weak He is strong. By making this statement I am believing that He has truly called me to Accounting. At this point in my life I can’t really say that is the case. I have a degree I don’t use and a few small side hustles, but nothing full time.
3. Family/Friendships: I want to have healthy relationships with my loved ones that are balanced. This season I am seeing how dysfunctional my relationships have been. Clearly I am the one consistent variable in all of these relationships, so I have my role that I am playing in this unhealthiness. I pray to practice using boundaries, and continue walking free from this dysfunction.
4. International Travel: ah another one that is really scary for me to write down! 10 years ago I thought my life would be FULL of international travel! But that was not His plan. Definitely I was blessed by my trip to the Bahamas in 2014, but I still have the credit card bill to show for it. I hope to have FREE international open doors…or at least ones I don’t have to go into debt over. I desire these open doors not just be for pleasure but to be spiritual assignments.
5. Finances: I want to be in a better financial position. I’m called to business and money management but am not in the place financially I want to be in. That being said I think the Lord told me my expectations were not realistic (once again). As a 31-year-old, I’m financially independent (thank you Lord) own my own vehicle which means I have an asset and have paid off one student loan (thank You Lord). Now, my expectations for this season 10 years ago probably would have been to own my own home and have more than 1 loan paid off. Maybe that was not realistic. I def have no desire whatsoever at this point in my life to own a home. But I do want to have my credit card paid off by next year. I also want to continue having multiple streams of income (this has been NICE!) I also want to contribute to my 401-k again at some point in life. Whether I like it or not I’m getting older and retirement will be here before I know it!
6. Spirituality: I want to be manifesting more of my eternal identity in Christ. I want to walk in more freedom from worry (it would be great to not worry at all!). I desire to continue growing and maturing in Him and developing the fullness of His character (1 Peter:5-9 is my new life verse, MSG version!). I also need to have His expectations for my life and for life in general.
One thing I realize by writing out these things is that it may be that I became frustrated, hopeless and angry by the lack of fruit in these areas because: A. my expectations were unrealistic and B. I was not depending on the Lord to bring them forth in His timing. Maybe, just maybe it was my own immaturity that resulted in hope deferred. Maybe if I hold these desires/goals loosely, and continue on His path, I will see some long-time unrealized dreams realized.
Some people have to be motivated to dream and have goals and achieve them. I am not one of those people and my closest friends aren’t either. We are “go getters”. And so Holy Spirit has probably needed to slow me down on this path to make sure He was leading me and not my flesh. Especially in the area of my career! I know that the pride of life has been a consistent temptation. One He is making sure I do not succumb to by taking the “slow and steady”. I recognize that the above goals are not too specific. In the past I have been very specific, but I feel I need to be more open about how the Lord wants to move me into fulfilling the desires of my heart. Instead of putting Him in a box and wanting Him to move MY way. I suspect my past motives for functioning this way were rooted in control & fear. I realize my “type-A-ness” has probably caused me to have unrealistic high expectations of myself and of how my life was supposed to go which has resulted in discontentment and hope deferred. I pray to walk in freedom and peace from this way of functioning.