Tag Archive | dysfunction

Back To The Beginning

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through Him and without Him nothing was made. In Him was life and the life was the light of men.”- John 1: 1-4
“In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and void and darkness was on the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters. Then God said, “Let there be light”; and there was light. Genesis 1:1-4

My pastor has a saying he’s been sharing for years now, “God’s original intent is His eternal intent”. I appreciate that revelation because often I get distracted by what is not God’s original intent. I get caught up in the dysfunction and the temporary.  As an intercessor it is my call to stand in the gap so that the eternal is manifested in the natural. So that the original intent is demonstrated instead of the dysfunction. For several years now I have been in training to more effectively use this gift of intercession yet my own dysfunction has caused me frustration with the training. The good news is, there is grace and God equips the called.

So many times things happen in life and we are caught off guard. We are shook to our core as we repeat the same negative experiences. We don’t understand why they keep happening. I am learning one great bit of wisdom in this season if that is the case.  

Look back to the beginning.  

What was the foundation of your relationship before it ended? Where were you emotionally, mentally, spiritually, when it started? Where were they? That will give you insight into why it ended. It has given me insight.  

Even more insight has come into looking at the family of origin. We are all born needy people. In the beginning the first man and woman were privileged to have their needs met by the Father. The Source. The only One who can possibly meet all of their needs. He designed the family to be a community united with Him to tend to the needs of children. Clearly, since the fall of man that has not happened. We all had unmet needs. And therefore, we all began choosing relationships and trying to get our needs met in those relationships that were not met from the family structure.

We were made “image bearers” of the Creator. The Creator is Light and Love. We were made to reflect light and love but often we reflect pain and selfishness and pride. We look at false images of the world to sustain ourselves and to fill the emptiness, but they never do. So we run an endless rat race toward emptiness until we find that all is vanity.

I am in a precious season of stillness. The Father has sat me down and turned my face to look upon His so that again I can be reminded of who I am. So that I can remember I am the apple of His eye and the desire of his heart. The passion of His cross.

I am favored and graced to have this experience in spite of not wanting to be still. I am blessed He once again carved out space and time so that I can look back not only to the family structure but even further to the Source of the family. To the Original Image that I was created in. The Image of Light and Love.  

Here is a sermon that speaks on man remembering who we are.  



Higher Ground

We met at a local restaurant that I hadn’t been to in a while. I had been putting off the meeting simply b/c our last meeting left me burdened. But God was going to surprise me and reiterate that this connection was indeed a very important assignment from Him. I remember early on in our relationship He told me that this woman and I had very similar “issues”. Back then I had very little self-awareness but took Him at His word. I couldn’t have guessed how accurate that word was and just how many issues we had in common. I took a chance and ordered roast beef and fries. I haven’t had beef in a while and decided that b/c we were heading into the weekend I would indulge. Also the fall weather always makes heavier foods more appealing. We dug right into the meat of things (pun intended) and started catching one another up on our love lives. Or lack thereof. We talked about the exes, how crazy they all were and how crazy we were to want to be with them. Why is it that we chose the same type of men over and over again? Finally I had an answer. I let her in on a secret I had recently learned. Most people will choose a person with both negative and positive traits of their parents. They will do this more than likely to get the needs met that they did not get met in their childhood. If only I had understood that truth 5, 10, 15 years ago. My friend reflected on that information and shared about her daughter choosing the same unhealthy relationship she had experienced in her own marriage. “Of course, because that is what is familiar to her” I shared with my newfound wisdom. We consumed our meal and dished more on all we were learning in the area of mental and emotional health. I was so blessed by the meeting, I couldn’t help but think of my initial apprehensions about it and how they were clearly not from the Lord. God was confirming my call. He was reiterating that He was going to use all of my failures in relationships. Just as He used me to share on my heartbreak He would use me to share with others about getting healthier.Before we parted ways my friend, 20 years my senior, commented about how awesome it was that I was learning this stuff so “young”. I briefly thought about it and responded “I know its b/c of my family. They knew they wanted me to have better opportunities. They knew they did not want me to repeat their same mistakes. Even if they didn’t have the verbiage to say, ‘I want her to be healthier emotionally or have healthier relationships’. They knew how to pray for better. This is my better”. 


Often the path feels fierce. It feels like I’m climbing uphill, alone, struggling to take the next shaky step forward in my fight for healing and recovery. But there are times I remember, I’m not alone. My ancestors take these steps with me. And b/c of them, I get to experience life even more abundantly.