This week has been an adventure as every morning I woke up earlier than my normal, peaked outside through my blinds and assessed just how much snow had invaded my street. And every morning I prayed for the Lord to “not let me get stuck” in my parking spot as the snow was often blocking many a car from making their way on their morning commute.
The first morning I didn’t even entertain the idea that I would get out easily. I knew I was going to have to shovel, so I started the car, cleaned it off and borrowed my landlord’s shovel. I worked and worked at that shovel and was reminded of Romans 5:3-4. I was sweating and tired but I knew from previous experience what to expect: shoveling is a workout! And probably this time last year I would have been upset with Jesus about it. I would have felt that I deserved to have someone
help me do this for me. Someone of the male persuasion of course. But that wasn’t even a thought, because I realize now just how unfair the world is and I’m not entitled to anything. So I kept on shoveling and then my very sweet, kind and thoughtful landlord joined me. Finally I was in the car making my first attempt at leaving and of course I was a no go. But then she got her hubby and together they rocked me forward and before I knew it I was on my way. I texted my mom “made it to work 😁” and all was well.
Day 2, the landlords were gone, which meant they were not available to assist me and neither was their trusty shovel. I was on my own. I saw a few folks outside attempting to leave their spots which were in front of me and behind me. I watched the woman push the man’s car trying to help him free (why was the man not helping her??? No comment). I wondered if I should get out there while they were there just in case I needed some help myself. Instead, by the time I was ready to go no one was in sight. “Lord, I need You to help me not get stuck”. I froze my butt off in the car in 6 degree weather after brushing it off and letting it run. I knew when I could no longer see my breath in the car, it was warm enough and time to go. I did not get stuck.
And again this morning, same routine, no one to help and no issues with me getting out of my parking spot, although the car down the street was struggling.
These may seem like very small items to some but for me it is another area of dependency upon the Lord. And I’m realizing how much this life really is just about me and Him.
My friend recently made reference to me being lonely. That didn’t sit well with me. When I think of myself I don’t think of myself as being lonely, but being the reflective, introverted person I am I pondered her statement. How could I be lonely when I’m surrounded by so many? When I have so many I can be with? But I think what Holy Spirit is showing me is that over the years I’ve developed some very unhealthy dependencies on others. Some of these dependencies have created unhealthy soul ties. For the most part I thought soul ties were only created in romantic relationships, but now I’m realizing they can be created in any unhealthy, dependent, relationship.
And He is freeing me from these false dependencies.
Much of my identity was lost and hidden w/in those dependencies and in this season He is removing the false and revealing the true. He is restoring who I really am and much of that is taking place in this experience of being single.
Christ has promised to never leave us alone. So even when there are no other human beings around, He is still there. I’m realizing I don’t need to be afraid of not having those false dependencies, because in their absence He is revealing Himself. He is revealing that I can depend on Him in any area of life. Even if it’s as minor as Him helping me drive my car out of a pile of snow.