How many are walking around today who look perfectly normal? How many appear to have it all together when their internal world is falling apart? You would be surprised. Many are probably surprised at this post. I have shared in parts about my struggle with mental health issues before, but never to this degree. I hope that someone is encouraged that even though it can take a while, the pain does end.
I am not even going to get into how my mental health took a nose dive during this process. I am not even going to share the unfair racial treatment I know was at work in these medical professional’s responses. I am not even going to share the details of how I was never given any form of medication through this whole process. I am only going to say I hit my breaking point and cried out to the Lord.
Of course, it was still going to be a while before I would see some real progress in my healing journey. My mind, at this point, felt like it was being eaten alive by rats and like they were gnawing at my brain. I so desperately wanted relief.
What tools are you using in fighting your experience with mental health? Do you have someone or people in your life to confide in with your battle?
All of a sudden, I became afraid to make the next move. All of a sudden, I became afraid to make the wrong move. I had these thoughts in my mind that said, “What if I am outside of God’s will if I apply to this job? What if I am outside of the will of God if I apply to that job? What if, what if, what if…”Have you been there? Do you struggle with excessive, compulsive thoughts that have no rhyme, reason or even logic to them?
I have been blessed to have found an outlet for the current of life, in my friendships. These women have adopted me into their hearts and named me their sister. They say the word so effortlessly and fill it with a grace that smooths out my broken edges and difficult ways. They have been the very sponges to polish my jarring weaknesses. They have been God’s hands to uphold me in the midst of trauma, loss, heartbreak, and pain.
Today I got to spend the day with a woman who has been used greatly in my family. Decades ago she became one of my grandmother’s very best friends. When my grandmother passed away, she was there, standing in the gap. She and my own mother grew closer and I knew she was like a… Continue reading Thoughts on Suffering
I’m in Arizona right now visiting friends. The same friend I was maid of honor to just last year. The same friend who has relentlessly pursued me in the course of my grief and devastation. When I learned my mom passed away she flew in from Haiti within days. 1,633 miles. She was on a… Continue reading The Beautiful Challenge
Job 8 Then Bildad the Shuhite replied: 2 “How long will you say such things? Your words are a blustering wind. 3 Does God pervert justice? Does the Almighty pervert what is right? 4 When your children sinned against him, he gave them over to the penalty of their sin. 5 But if you will seek God earnestly and… Continue reading Nothing Like Job’s Friends
10 months of bliss came to a sudden halt as a few turn of events made it clear I had to walk away. God is funny in that way, making His presence known so mightily even when He is speaking so quietly. I did the hard thing once again. But this was hard for so… Continue reading Tis Better to Have Loved and Lost
Have you ever done something you regret? Like really regret? But even though you regret it in time you do it again. And again. And again… Romans 7:15, 19 “For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I… Continue reading The Webs We Weave