Tag Archive | writing

A Company of Poets


I remember last year I was invited to an open mic night by a friend.  When I arrived I was asked if I was performing.  I’m sure I looked like a poet, with my retro hair and high waist pants (I love vintage style) but I let the woman down easy. “Nope,” I said with conviction,  “I’m not a poet!”  I made my entrance and met my friends.  After a few acts in the show I realized that much of the content people were sharing was anything but truth and light.  I grieved for my generation, praying for the Father to send someone up there with truth!  That’s when I knew.  It was me.

“What’s in your hand?” He said to my heart and I was reminded of Moses.  Well all I had was my first book on my kindle app.  My phone’s battery had been dying at the time and I didn’t even think the phone would last long enough for me to read from the first chapter.  But my friend gave me a charger and I courageously took the stage.  I read and felt the anointing and knew that though on the surface I was sharing about overcoming heartbreaking, in the Spirit I was releasing light, truth and hope.

I shared that experience with my (very prophetic) fellowship and one woman wrote on a pad, “Nicole, the poet”.  We talked about becoming all things to all men.  I tucked that little nugget in the back of my mind not thinking anything of it.

Fast forward about 6 months and I find myself signed up for a poetry workshop, writing short stories with poets in them and receiving a loud round of applause from experienced poets who heard my first poem.  I was shocked to find that my writing was not just confined to non fiction, but apparently…I was a poet.

I had my first poetry slam this weekend and shared the pieces He had given me.  Poetry has been a great way to express deep pain as well as deep desires.  Writing has been a vehicle to reveal the hidden things in my heart.  Funny thing is all of my short stories have manifested in multiple ways.  I actually keep meeting people in real life who have the same name and descriptions as my characters!  It’s been cool to see the Father confirm His hand in my writing in this way.


I want to encourage you not to limit yourself.  Don’t think because you haven’t done something yet or walked in something it is not meant to be.  Be open to how the Father wants to use you, your gifts, and all that He has put in you.

He is the Maker.  You are the clay.  And your story is still being revealed…

SHALOM

 

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Poetry Slam!

Hi guys! I think I’ve mentioned I’ve been branching out in my writing more. One of the ways I’ve been growing as a writer is by taking a poetry workshop. To celebrate the completion of our class we are having a poetry slam this Saturday!  If you’re in the area I’d love for you to come! Details are belowūüėä.


SHALOM

Writing, Family & Time


The mother and daughter sat across from each other in the small diner.¬† Both adults but as with every child-parent relationship the child is still the child to the parent‚Äďno matter how old they get.¬† The daughter took a sip of her latte and typed feverishly at her keyboard.¬† She had brought her laptop so both could handle some unfinished business.¬† The mother took her turn typing (although a little more slowly and a little¬†less confidently) and was pleased with the outcome.¬† They discussed their future plans to move in together.¬† They compared the properties they had looked at; some good, some not.¬† The deadline for moving was drawing to a close and both were walking by faith.¬† The daughter had been down this path many times so panic had not yet kicked in. ¬†It would take a little longer for that to happen, if it did at all.¬†¬†Though their meeting was about the future they reflected on the now.

“Can you believe I’m this old?” the daughter said.¬† The mother responded in equal amazement, “No.¬† It’s crazy!¬† I remember when you were in the womb…” and then as was their custom she reminisced about that time of pregnancy 30+ years ago.¬† Her eyes glazed over and she held a far off daze.¬† There were family members who had passed¬†and many who were distant.¬† “I never thought I would lose my whole immediate family”, the mother said.¬† “Well, you have me” I replied.¬†¬†We sat in silence for a moment.¬† It was just us.¬† I never wanted it to be that way.¬† I always wanted a family.¬† I told her just as much that day.¬† I told her¬†how grateful I was for a spiritual family, these spiritual sisters¬†that keep multiplying, but how I still desired blood relatives.¬† “I wanted that for¬†you too” she said.

I ran into a brother that day and teased him about being alone.¬† He explained his wife and children were at a party and he had just gotten off his 2nd job.¬† I was reminded of how different our lives were‚Äďhis full with mouths to feed‚Äďmy mouth sipping a latte.¬† It’s easy to covet what one doesn’t have, to see the gift each season holds.¬† Still, some seasons last too long…I told him about a writer’s class that I’m enjoying.¬† “It’s finishing up soon but I’ll keep you in mind for the next one!”¬† “Please do!” he said.¬† Then I teased him about not having room in his schedule.¬† He assured me he will make room.¬† Funny, even with all the things I have going on in this season,¬†I always seem to have room…

For the first time in my life I literally feel “older”.¬† I’ve been thinking about the past and wondering about the future.¬† I don’t have any goals set or big ticket items to check off my checklist.¬† There are responsibilities to carry out and finances to build.¬† There are a few trips I want to take and people I want to see.¬† But no goals.

I think reality is setting in.¬† Maybe that’s what happens in your mid 30’s.¬† You realize though you have much ahead you have a good chunk that is behind and for the first time I have found myself¬†second guessing past choices.¬† My dad assured me on my birthday I had made the right choices.¬† Then why do I not have what I want? I thought to myself.¬† I wrestled with that question for a while.

I’m still wrestling.

The past cannot be changed, only our present.  Our now choices will create our future.  And as I told my friend last night, all we can do is walk in the light and understanding that we have today.  I believe we are only held accountable for that much.

SHALOM

 

 

Gifts, Parties & Sacrifice

This weekend I celebrated the release of my 2nd book How To Overcome Heartbreak: Stories That Heal. It took me exactly 9 months to start this book project and publish it. That’s probably pretty quick for most but that was the gift God has offered me in this season.

I have the gift of TIME.

The most touching moment of the party was sitting in a small group discussing the topics that I now am so passionate about: healing from emotional pain, walking out extended singleness and preparing for a healthy relationship. In the midst of me sharing my testimony on these areas I said that God had made His promise clear to me, however He did not reveal that I would need to be transformed to receive that promise. After my sharing an older woman in the faith said she heard the word “transparent”. I needed to be more transparent to receive the person…I felt that meant I needed to be more humble.

Sharing such intimate parts of my story always humbles me and really it is only my desire to please the Father and help heal others that motivates me.

I’ve been thinking a lot about Yeshua in the garden. That time was such a picture of His humility. He left glory and perfection to experience a darkness I can’t imagine.

And He did it for us.

Now as I walk out my own journey I relate to His suffering. Though mine could never compare to His I know it is meaningful because it is my whole heart that I have given Him. It is the very depths of me that I have offered.

I am surrounded by the faithful. I have sisters and brothers who understand the deep and the level of sacrifice He has called us to. That is another gift I have in this season:

I have community.


I can say this road is not easy.  There are many hard days and even hard seasons.  Just yesterday I shed tears on a call with a woman I’ve trusted for the last 15 years.  I shared about my deep desires and awaiting the fruit I felt I was called to.  But I guess that is the beauty in this life: in the midst of the tears there is love.  There are these people who God deeply values and who deeply value me who are rooting me on and listening quietly as I pour out my pain.

There is both loss and fullness on this path and often I feel them at the same time.

There is His hand weaving a story I never could have fathomed. 

And then there is me, imitating the Author of life and putting my hand to the keys of a computer to do the same.

Like Father, like daughter.

I hope He is pleased.

 

SHALOM

 

Being Asked the Question

“So are you seeing anyone?”, she asks as we sit across from one another in her marvolously decorated dining room and finish up supper. When I walked in I was instantly impressed and a little taken aback by the amazing interior design work that graced each space. She then let on that she herself was an interior designer (amongst many things) and her home was her own expression of that gift.

“No I’m not. And actually God has been doing such a work in me these 2 years in that very area”, I respond. I proceed to tell her about my last relationship. All the red flags I ignored and how I was willing to settle (hell bent on settling actually because that was where I was at). ¬†I talked about God’s lack of peace, Him calling me to a fast that helped me let it go and the immense revelation He flooded me with. ¬†Never before had I received such revelation. ¬†She interjected here and there with her own insights from her own story. An older woman in the faith, a mother of 3, she had been once divorced and now re-married. ¬†“You should always have peace when it’s God”, she said, and I agreed. ¬†

She knew me when.  When I was dealing with my first heartbreak. When I was a 22 year old mess, lacking identity and purpose and value. She is a witness to the work He has done.

And she smiles at that work.

I spent a good while sharing my story. The same story I will share in my upcoming book (which I hope to be released this fall). I surprise myself at the details I’m giving as I had no idea we would spend so much time talking about me. I wanted to hear about her‚Äďafter all, she was the one married! And we did talk about her, but there is power in my own story. ¬†There is glory He gets when I share on His Word being manifested in my life. ¬†So I shared.

And I keep sharing. ¬†The very next day I’m asked the same question (although worded slightly different) by a very unassuming individual. He is someone I’ve only spoken to occassionally and would have no obligation to explain my love life to. But I explain it because it gave me opportunity to share the gospel. I simply cannot explain my single status without explaining the story of Christ‚Äďthey are intertwined. ¬†There is no natural reason why I am single. ¬†It is simply God’s clear intention for me to be matched with a certain individual of whom I have yet to meet.

I talked to my associate for 2 hours and we were both surprised at the depth of the conversation. It is rare that one goes deep with an associate. ¬†I guess we are no longer associates…

I can think of 2 other occassions within the last week where I have been asked about my singleness.  And each time the response emanating from my lips is laced with wisdom and eternal truth.  It is the truth of the Holy Spirit.  It is wisdom one only gets from walking with Elohim.

Proverbs‬ ‭9:10‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

‚ÄúThe fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, And the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.‚ÄĚ

When we walk with the Source of life He leads us on the path of life.  That path is tailor made for us and compliments our gifts, talents, purpose and calling.  We have freedom of choice, but when we choose Him, we benefit by becoming who He originally designed us to be.

I can see now singleness looks good on me. Not because of singleness per se, but because it represents wholeness. It represents an alotted time for me to heal and learn my true identity.

I am still learning. ¬†But I can say that now when I’m asked the question, I don’t dread the answer so much. ¬†Especially when it gives God glory.

I’m getting comfortable in my own skin and singleness has helped me to do that.

Some highlights from this season…

hangin with the bestie!

me & my god daughter

my new mentee!!

SHALOM!