We met for our first one on one. It was magic. We held hands while skating around the ice. He was light on his feet and ever so graceful, even though it was his first time. We glided and danced as if it were a dream. It was. I was in awe of this man and his beauty. How could this be when there had been 8 years of nothing? We took breaks and warmed ourselves by the outside fire. We made small talk with strangers and I was affirmed of my own beauty. We made our way to the gallery and pretended to look at sculptures and paintings but really we were looking at each other. Was this real? I was swept off my feet and had no idea that such a thing was possible. Over dinner we conversed for hours about the future and our plans and how similar they were. The evening ended with the exchanging of gifts and a kiss. Our first.
That is my experience 2 years ago on Valentines’ Day. It was the epitome of romance and could have easily been written in a romance novel or a movie script. But it was real. What I did not know then and what I have since learned is that the reality is there are layers to people. There are layers to this life and there is nothing “black and white”. There are strongholds and generational curses and things much bigger than ourselves.
We have callings much bigger than ourselves.
I have walked away from love a few times in my life. I have laid it down and suffered heartbreak as a result. But I have learned the heartbreak I have experienced from walking away only protected me from greater heartbreak. I don’t know if I will experience another romantic date like that but in all honesty I don’t want one. I would rather be protected and respected and loved. Truly loved. Not a misguided, selfish, immature love that doesn’t last as soon as the first storm hits. But a deep, sturdy, selfless love, built on a foundation of character and wisdom.
I looked forward to fellowship today. I looked forward to dialoguing about eternal things with people who love me with the Lord’s love. I looked forward to wearing a cute outfit and drinking a cup of coffee and having a really good hair day, b/c that doesn’t always happen. I will probably go grocery shopping and make this soup I found on Pinterest. I may stop at Marshalls to do some therapeutic shopping. I will call one of my BFF’s who sent me a V Day gift in the mail b/c my friends are thoughtful that way.
This V day isn’t at all like the one 2 years ago. Instead it’s quiet, at times stretching, and yet still fulfilling. I’m learning life is complicated and people are complex. I’m also learning the Father knows best.
My spiritual dad and I…