A little over a year ago I was in a predicament. A close friend gave me her word and broke it in half. I felt betrayed. Unloved. Disrespected and discarded. Pain raged in my heart and emotions blinded my view of the figure standing before me. The one who had betrayed me. The problem is, her betrayal was not the only betrayal I was feeling at that moment. I was experiencing the betrayal of another in my past and I was projecting all of that pain and trauma and broken heartedness into the current situation.
Have you ever done that? Have you ever projected your past into your present or even your future? I’ve done that more times than I can count. Rarely are we aware of our “triggers” of pain. It could be the slightest comment. The slightest look. Or the biggest event. I thought I had fully healed from heartbreak. It had been nearly 10 years after all. But people have so many layers to their hearts. If only they took the time to peel back the layers. They would be surprised at how much is stored up that could cause them to make unwise choices in their present. And in their future.
The heart really is the source of life. If we allow bitterness, jealousy, hatred, unforgiveness, etc… to fester in our hearts, it won’t take long for these feelings which stem from thoughts, to turn into actions. It won’t be long until we are inflicting pain on others simply because, we are in pain.
Hurting people hurt people. It’s inevitable.
In times past I have functioned in unhealthy ways of dealing with pain. I fell into addictive behaviors, I hid behind dysfunctional relationships. I reacted instead of responded. My responses were that of a child. But now I am no longer a child and it is time to put away those childish things.
In my opinion being self-aware is one of the greatest characteristics a person can have. Conflict is inevitable. We are all different and will not always see eye-to-eye. I admit, that is difficult for me. I want everyone to see things my way. But even as I write that sentence, I hear Holy Spirit showing me, that too is a childish way of thinking. It is rooted in pride and selfishness. Even if I am correct in my understanding, it really is about my response that will help others see this truth.
In my journey, pain has driven me into greater intimacy with the Lord. It is when those closest to me have left, that I see, He is still there. There have been days I did not think I could get through the pain. Days I was crawling on my knees but still moving forward. But the great thing about pain is that it does not last. It is like in the natural when we hurt ourselves, eventually we heal, and sometimes there is a scar. That scar is proof that at one time there was a bloody, gaping, open wound. But even that wound did not stay. It closed. It healed. And we healed with it.
Healing people heal people. It’s inevitable.