Tis the season for transition. For moving. For meeting new people. God is opening my heart. He is opening me like a flower that is blooming. The season is changing. There are lots of prophecies coming forth. Lots of confirming words. Lots of things to look forward to. I share my struggles with my sisters. With my roommate. With our cat. I’m going to miss him when I leave, but I’m grateful they will not be too far way.
After five years I’ll be saying goodbye to my landlords. The same ones who came to my 30th Zumba party and my first book release party and gave me a job when I was laid off. Such love. Such favor. Such family.
I’ll be saying hello to the woman who raised me. The woman who needs me in this hour. The tables have turned. I am honored to be there for her. I recognize the sacrifice that is shown on my part.
Sacrifice displays love.
There is a sacrifice of another sort in my belly. It has been there for quite a while. He has been there for quite a while. And even in the messy way I have responded to the sacrifice, He, like a loving Father moves towards and not away.
At His nudging, I practice opening my heart. I practice having conversations and being open and letting new people in. I do this because I realize the only way we can receive a gift is to open our hands to receive it. Open our hearts to receive it.
It is almost June. It is almost summer. The season for blooming is here…
Father give us grace and courage to be open. Give us grace to bloom.
In just 2 months I’ll be moving back in with my mom.Whew.To say that I am shocked by this prospect is an understatement.The shock is probably only slightly overshadowed by my pushing my mid 30s and life looking exactly the opposite of what I pictured.But I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in this.My roomie has the same shock and she is 6 years my junior.My besties have the same shock and we are all the same age.
This weekend I drove around the new neighborhood which is not too far from the old one.I talked to old friends I have reconnected with in this season.So much of the new resembles the old.It’s weird.
I am reminded of a revelation God gave me a few years ago after a big test.He said my life was like a helix.It wasn’t that I was walking in circles over and over the way I felt I was.Instead, I was moving forward in a circular motion.It seems living with my mom again is a part of that same pattern.No matter how hard I tried to make choices that would position me in a certain place at this point in my life (husband, 2.5 kids and dog), I still ended up here.Back to the beginning.
We went to church for Easter (mom and I).I know this is a new beginning for her and I’m blessed to be a part of it, I just wish it hadn’t cost me so much.
On Easter I was reminded of why it costs.It costs us because it cost Him.We are not above the teacher.We are not above our Master.If He sacrificed, we too shall sacrifice.
My roommate gave me a card on Easter which read, “Nicole, just as Christ died and resurrected, I look forward to seeing the resurrection in your life”.That is what I too am desiring.To see the resurrection from all the death.To see the fruit from all the pruning.To see if the wait was really worth it…
A long time ago there were three men who were so full of faith they risked their lives to prove it. Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-Nego were thrown into a fiery furnace by King Nebuchadnezzar because they refused to bow down to his golden image. Even with the consequence of disobeying the King their belief that God could deliver them from the fiery furnace prevailed. This type of faith is definitely impressive! But what is even more remarkable is their belief that even if they were not delivered, even if God allowed them to suffer at the hands of this man, they refused to forsake Him! For months now I have sought the Lord to move on my behalf. I have asked Him to deliver and fight and heal. I have experienced His movement on my behalf so many times in these ways prior to this season. I did not understand why this deliverance was “taking so long” to manifest. It was during a moment of brokeness that instead of asking Him to deliver me I instead asked Him to walk with me through this season. Instantly I was reminded of the 3 Hebrew boys.
Sometimes the Lord will not remove our obstacles, even when they are very difficult. Sometimes He will not remove them because we as believer’s are not exempt from the trials of this life. Instead, He chooses to hold our hand and walk with us through the fire.
Years ago while I was in a similar transition season God gave me a word that I was going through the fire to be delivered of some baggage I had be carrying. I needed to be refined before my new season. God may not start the flame as was the case with the 3 Hebrew boys (Nebuchadnazzer took care of that) but He will certainly use it.
Sometimes God gets the glory from immediately delivering you from a situation so that you dont have to go through it. Other times He chooses to allow the situation and be with you in it, keeping you from being scarred by the flames.
In either case He is faithful to make you as pure as gold when your season of testing is over.
At the beginning of the year I made a list of things I wanted to accomplish this year and you know what? I met many of those goals. The Father honored my heart and desire to keep moving forward in passion and purpose and faith. He gave me a personal word that He was going to do a new thing and He did. I’m hesitant to jump on board with well known ministers coming up with promises and words for the New Year. Sometimes we think that just because there is a change in the calender year there is a change in season. Sometimes the year changes but the season does not. So the only reason I believed at the beginning of this year He would do a new thing was not because someone said it but because His Spirit did. And He said it to me about 4 times in one week. Still, that new thing was not what we would think in terms of those long awaited promises but instead was in terms of much needed healing, growth and reconcialiation.
Maybe its because I’m not one to jump on board with the latest slogan or word from the pulpit regarding the upcoming year. I am more apt to get on my knees, quiet my spirit and yield my ear to heaven to hear the still small voice. Maybe it is for that reason I have ironically found myself in transition right around the time of a new calendar year, in position for a change in season. And the word I am hearing is “open doors“. I am not quick to share this information. I have walked with Him for some time and have learned how easy it is to be deceived by my own heart and thinking. But maturity has its advantage and when you yield to His process you tend to hear and see better.
This has been a trying time of battling in my thought life. I have questioned what is true and I have faced great torment. Today I realized this is happening because I must manifest the greater level He is calling me to. And then His love came. And it removed the fear.
All of our circumstances and life experience and people in our lives are there to keep molding us and conforming us to His idea. They are working something in us to remove the false and unveil the true. The true is always there but it is hidden under the false. The love is there underneath the fear.
In this season I pray you yield to His process leaning not to your own understanding but in all your ways acknowleging Him. I agree that He who has begun a good work in you is faithful to complete it. And I pray that you are sensitive to His timing for your life. Be sensitive to His timing for your life.
These last few years He has been bulding something specific in me. He has been preparing me for healthy relationships. It has been a process and the thing about being in process is when you are in it, it looks confusing. It is still unformed and hasn’t taken shape yet. But I am taking shape and it is a sight to behold to my Maker.
Thank you all for your faithfulness to this blog and I wish you all the best in this upcoming year!