There have been a lot of changes for me this year. I posted a collage of pictures from the summer with the title: “What a great summer!” My friend/old roommate commented, “Was it really a great summer?!” 😳 She reminded me that we moved out of our old home this summer and we submitted to the move, both resigned 😑 . “Oh yea, I forgot about that,” I said, but went on to explain that I was only thinking about the highlights.
Contentment is a difficult thing to practice and I have had my bouts with it. God has put me through certain spiritual obstacle courses to develop me in this area but it seems like my humanity continues to oppose that particular fruit of the Spirit. It takes some real effort to focus on the positive when the negative is still present. I think even though social media can be abused/misused it does allow for us to celebrate the positives and the highlights of life. I can honestly say that even though I find this season very difficult with its changes (and with its lack of change), God has given me many desires of my heart.
And even when I have thwarted his gifts and misused his presents He replaced them with more gifts. More presents. The love He demonstrates is a love I do not understand. I simply can’t fathom His mercyand graceand lovebut I have glimpsed it so much in this season that I feel I’m gaining some knowledge.
This weekend I’ll get to promote the books He gave me. Writings that show how He used very difficult times and made purpose out of them. I’ll also get to visit with some dear sisters who I have been on this journey with for 15 years now. I’ll have more opportunities to experience His love and goodness in the form of community and social events. These are things I have desired but did not know that He would so frequently lavish them upon me.
Even in the midst of heartbreak, pain, and suffering, there is His hand. Leading me and guiding me and ordering steps that have been difficult to take. My own testimony shows His faithfulness and how when we are weak, truly He is strong.
Tis the season for transition. For moving. For meeting new people. God is opening my heart. He is opening me like a flower that is blooming. The season is changing. There are lots of prophecies coming forth. Lots of confirming words. Lots of things to look forward to. I share my struggles with my sisters. With my roommate. With our cat. I’m going to miss him when I leave, but I’m grateful they will not be too far way.
After five years I’ll be saying goodbye to my landlords. The same ones who came to my 30th Zumba party and my first book release party and gave me a job when I was laid off. Such love. Such favor. Such family.
I’ll be saying hello to the woman who raised me. The woman who needs me in this hour. The tables have turned. I am honored to be there for her. I recognize the sacrifice that is shown on my part.
Sacrifice displays love.
There is a sacrifice of another sort in my belly. It has been there for quite a while. He has been there for quite a while. And even in the messy way I have responded to the sacrifice, He, like a loving Father moves towards and not away.
At His nudging, I practice opening my heart. I practice having conversations and being open and letting new people in. I do this because I realize the only way we can receive a gift is to open our hands to receive it. Open our hearts to receive it.
It is almost June. It is almost summer. The season for blooming is here…
Father give us grace and courage to be open. Give us grace to bloom.
Each morning I wake up to sunlight cascading into my bedroom window. Birds are singing songs of praise and everything is light and airy. Summer came swiftly and I found myself hurrying to catch up with the new season. I put away my sweaters and pulled out my sandals. Summer is here! Only a few weeks before we had snow! Such an odd occurence but a reminder to me that each day is new. I can’t remember a time when there was snow and then 80 degree weather in my city. God makes each day its own.
I scrubbed the house from top to bottom in preperation for a special visitor. All the windows are up and the back door is left open. I spend most mornings having quiet time on the porch. My Bible and journal wait in expectation.
It’s so much easier to feel joy when there is sun. It’s so freeing to not have on layers. But would I really appreciate this season if not for the cold?
I’ve grown to love Fall. I’ve grown to love layers. But I don’t know if Summer will ever be a bore. It is always a welcome refreshment from the times of hybernation.