Tag Archive | introvert

Thoughts of An Introvert

I am sitting in my living room on an overstuffed cream chair with a cup of green tea and a book on grief. The crackle of the candle on the window sill is almost drowned out by the ocean wave sounds coming from my speaker. I can smell the scent of pumpkin roll coming from said candle and wish once again that it would never run out. It’s the perfect setting to wind down to.

I had a networking event today of which another introvert called me out on being introverted. She voiced my inner thoughts on being grateful that I had made it out and yet I was simultaneously looking forward to when I would leave.

I did get involved in a few good conversations on travel and such and was encouraged enough that I only left a half hour early. But then, so also did the host…

I am becoming very aware of my introverted ways particularly when I compare myself to my more extroverted friends. When I receive lengthy texts flooding my phone with information I get overwhelmed. When I am invited to several events at once I feel the same. I even do not scroll often on social media because taking in so much information on a variety of people (most of which I never talk to in person) is too much for me. Normally I post. I post about me and the people in my direct sphere. I can handle that. But anything more, feels too much.

Still I love connecting. Usually it happens in small groups like this past weekend when I hosted a friend to share on Mary Kay products. I was able to offer appetizers and a warm and cozy space. I love hosting. Especially in this house which perfectly fits me.

This house has been such a comfort. It is cozy and warm and I feel like I am being hugged at all times. I finally got my bookcase up and tomorrow my loveseat will be delivered. The living room will be complete and all the furniture is now purchased. It is just a matter of wall decor…

I never dreamed I would so enjoy interior decorating or have such a knack for it. But God knew. I stand in awe that He had a place for me. I think about all the places I wanted before I found this house and they were not for me. But it was not because there wasn’t a home for me, there was. It was because they were not the right fit. There was one particular home I really really wanted. I had fallen in love with that house. It hurt me when it did not work out but there was a lesson in that. He was teaching me something even in it falling through.

He has purpose in all things.

Tomorrow I have a long day ahead and I know I will need to get as much rest as I can. I know myself. I know my energy levels. I know when I will reach my end and when I have the capacity for certain engagements.

There are so many joyous times in this season and still sad times. A friend said that watching my life is like reading a good book. I concur. I feel that way sometimes. Like when I go on amazing trips with friends or shopping and catch a good deal or meet with a new client for my business. It is a fabulous life indeed. But still not without its difficulties.

I realize the difficulties have made me more compassionate. I have such a heart for those who experience tragedy or loss or suffering in a way that I did not before.

Again, He has purpose in all things.

Even in the hard things.

Especially in those…

SHALOM

Thoughts on a Thursday

There’s a woman’s blog I enjoy reading b/c she is a poet. In one of her posts she shared about serving so much at her church and being so drained from it. One of the leaders at the church told her that “Of course you are drained, you are a poet.” As a poet she was not made to continuously overextend herself. She needed to make sure she was getting ample alone time to replenish and pour back out. While I am not a poet, I am realizing that I am sensitive by nature. I have known this for a while but am now understanding that this sensitive nature requires me to have certain things in my life to function. While my tendency to be more introverted does require down time to replenish, my sensitivity to feelings and moods of others also requires downtime. Without me realizing it I will pick up on others’ feelings and take them on as my own. This is actually connected to my gift of intercession but like with all gifts has been affected by the fall of man. As I’m maturing I’m learning to separate other people’s personhoods from my own. I’m learning boundaries. But still, I’m sure the lines are blurred during times I am unaware. I was able to sit this morning in God’s presence and just BE. I realized during that time how much I needed that. I suspect I need that daily. No noise, no distraction, just Him. Connecting with Him Spirit to spirit and Presence to presence.  
There is a constant anger I battle daily and I suspect if I am intentional to meet with Him consistently and calm my spirit, this anger will dissipate. I understand the anger stems from fear and the fear stems from a lack of love which was created through wounds. The anger and fear are the symptoms of my need for healing. I got to a place where I felt that I had come as far as I could go in my personal healing. I knew I needed outside assistance and as I was having those thoughts I received 3 methods of confirmation. I then made my first appointment for a counseling session. I am looking forward to it and probably unlike others do not feel embarrassed or ashamed to receive professional counseling. God has taught me how vital the gift of counseling is and I think everyone needs to take advantage of its benefits. One of my greatest desires in this season is to grow in the ability to receive love. I hear Holy Spirit tell me I have nothing to be afraid of yet fear has been a constant “go to” and as crazy as it sounds there is a fear of letting fear go.  

Years ago I received a word that God loved my tender heart. That was affirming because years before that I was told I was “too sensitive”. It’s so important for family members to affirm their children. It’s important to see the gifts and qualities they have uniquely been given to expand the kingdom of God. Our gifts need to be cultivated, valued and protected. We need to understand how we are wired so that we can flourish.  

I also understand I am still transitioning and there is going to be a higher level of sensitivity in this season of recovery than is normal for me. I’m encouraged to know that the Father is intimately acquainted with all of my ways. He has provided me with all of the resources and tools needed to reflect His intention regarding me. He is faithful and committed to completing His work in each one of us.

SHALOM