There’s a woman’s blog I enjoy reading b/c she is a poet. In one of her posts she shared about serving so much at her church and being so drained from it. One of the leaders at the church told her that “Of course you are drained, you are a poet.” As a poet she was not made to continuously overextend herself. She needed to make sure she was getting ample alone time to replenish and pour back out. While I am not a poet, I am realizing that I am sensitive by nature. I have known this for a while but am now understanding that this sensitive nature requires me to have certain things in my life to function. While my tendency to be more introverted does require down time to replenish, my sensitivity to feelings and moods of others also requires downtime. Without me realizing it I will pick up on others’ feelings and take them on as my own. This is actually connected to my gift of intercession but like with all gifts has been affected by the fall of man. As I’m maturing I’m learning to separate other people’s personhoods from my own. I’m learning boundaries. But still, I’m sure the lines are blurred during times I am unaware. I was able to sit this morning in God’s presence and just BE. I realized during that time how much I needed that. I suspect I need that daily. No noise, no distraction, just Him. Connecting with Him Spirit to spirit and Presence to presence.
There is a constant anger I battle daily and I suspect if I am intentional to meet with Him consistently and calm my spirit, this anger will dissipate. I understand the anger stems from fear and the fear stems from a lack of love which was created through wounds. The anger and fear are the symptoms of my need for healing. I got to a place where I felt that I had come as far as I could go in my personal healing. I knew I needed outside assistance and as I was having those thoughts I received 3 methods of confirmation. I then made my first appointment for a counseling session. I am looking forward to it and probably unlike others do not feel embarrassed or ashamed to receive professional counseling. God has taught me how vital the gift of counseling is and I think everyone needs to take advantage of its benefits. One of my greatest desires in this season is to grow in the ability to receive love. I hear Holy Spirit tell me I have nothing to be afraid of yet fear has been a constant “go to” and as crazy as it sounds there is a fear of letting fear go.
Years ago I received a word that God loved my tender heart. That was affirming because years before that I was told I was “too sensitive”. It’s so important for family members to affirm their children. It’s important to see the gifts and qualities they have uniquely been given to expand the kingdom of God. Our gifts need to be cultivated, valued and protected. We need to understand how we are wired so that we can flourish.
I also understand I am still transitioning and there is going to be a higher level of sensitivity in this season of recovery than is normal for me. I’m encouraged to know that the Father is intimately acquainted with all of my ways. He has provided me with all of the resources and tools needed to reflect His intention regarding me. He is faithful and committed to completing His work in each one of us.