Tag Archive | spiritual journey

Someone Has To Be First

Its easy to take for granted the open doors in your life or the privileges you’ve been given when you never once worked for them. When you never faced the opposing forces behind those doors trying to keep you out or the closed handed fist holding tightly to those privileges which have the ability to unlock your dreams. Every once in a while after using a public water fountain and seeing a Caucasian person use it after me I’ll think about how 50+ years ago that would have been unheard of.  But there are so many times I’ll use that water fountain and never think about the history behind that privilege. Never think about the blood, sweat and tears that spilled on the ground just so I could take a sip after my workout at the gym. We all forget at times because we didn’t have to go through it ourselves. 

Its easy to forget.

I went to see “Hidden Figures” this weekend with friends; some older, some younger, but all impacted just the same. I marveled that the story told the lives of REAL women who took such a stand in their gifts and identity that the following generations could not help but be affected by their bravery and sacrifices. I marveled that these women all looked like me.


Often I grow weary in this spiritual journey. There seems to be so much opposition in these same areas, over and over again. I’ll compare my story to others who seem to have it together and get frustrated that it is so much easier for them. Then I was reminded after comparing: “You are first”.  

I am the first to yield and surrender and submit in these areas whereas my counterparts had generations before them as models. What God used their parents and families to do for them He did directly for me. He literally became a Dad and what my family couldn’t model His Spirit set out to teach me. But even with the gift of His Spirit there is extra opposition. There are opposing forces–both internally and externally that do not want to see these generational curses broken. They do not want to see the pattern of sin reversed. They do not want to see wholeness and sonship and the power of the Almighty displayed in earth as it is in heaven.

Seeing those 3 women doing the impossible in their day was awe-inspiring. But what if they had not persevered? What if they had not pushed   through the barriers that threatened to keep them boxed in with labels of being lesser than? Possibly I would not be a published author, or have an MBA in Accounting, or marry an incredible man who loves God and is faithful to his family and loved ones (just wait, its coming). That’s how powerful our choices are. We affect  the people around us and generations to come.

So remember when the road gets rocky and you keep finding yourself facing closed doors or closed fists or high walls that seem too tall to get over…”Someone has to be first”. Its not that you can’t do it. Its just that because you’re first its going to take more effort and grit than the ones coming behind you. And thats ok because the  ones who came before you are still with you cheering you on. And even though at times you may feel you are–you are never really alone.

My grandmother and I at my college graduation…


In other news if you’re in the area don’t miss this!!!


SHALOM

Level Two

What is interesting about this journey is how God works in patterns in our lives.  I feel like He has been so intentional to teach me in patterns.  Usually the patterns pertain to my career, living arrangements and relationships.  There have been seasons of intense pruning followed by seasons of overwhelming blessings.  But then something happened with the pattern.  It stopped.  I fully expected it to continue like it had for the last 13 years.  I fully expected the “promotion” or “blessing.  But instead, there was more humility.  More waiting.  More pruning.  I didn’t understand the hold up.  Why wasn’t the blessing coming?  Didn’t I pass the test?

At the end of last year I stood in victory having learned the lessons He was teaching once again.  I felt unstoppable.  I saw the pattern and felt like this faith walk was “cake”.  What I soon learned and what He showed me was that I had “mastered” level 1 of my journey with Him.  Now we are on level 2.

Level 2 threatened to take me out.  I wasn’t used to this level.  I wasn’t used to not having His presence or doubting His existence or feeling so utterly alone.  I wasn’t familiar with this lesson.  I had to stand on His manifest presence of the past. I had to stand on His faithfulness in my past.   I had to stand on the love of the current community that surrounded me.

I am still standing.

Each day has been a challenge to walk forward, but each day I choose to do so.  Even though I don’t feel His grace or strength, the fact that I am still standing is evidence that it is there.

I’m getting more revelation and understanding now of level 2.  I kept trying to use my old weapons of warfare at this level but they were not working.  I am having to learn to use new weapons and re-sharpen some of the old ones.  I’m also learning there are so many levels to wholeness. I have chosen to get to the highest level so that I will be most effective for this generation.  So that I may please my Father.

Even with its challenges level 2 offers so many blessings.  There are open doors at level 2.  There are new relationships, experiences and opportunities at level 2.  There is reaping at level 2.  I don’t have to try or strive, the open doors come to me.  All I have to do is BE.

Psalm 46:10.

He is faithful to complete the work He started in each of us.  And it will be His love, kindness, patience and grace to sustain us as we climb His mountain.

He is there, even when we do not feel Him.  Bringing us to victory…

  
SHALOM

 

One Month In

This week will be one month since the lay off. It has flown by. My how I have grown! 8 years ago when I faced unemployment I was ready to cash out my savings from fear that God would not provide and everyday that eeked by felt like eternity. I was so stressed I lost my hair and felt like God had abandoned me. Now my hair has been its own source of joy.
  When I first graduated college I was so worried about my lack of experience. I did not have the internships lined up like my peers or the savvy business connects. I felt like a fish out of water. All I had was a very expensive college degree and a call from God. Turns out that was all I needed. Actually, I didn’t even need the degree-He was enough. So now 10 years later I marvel at His hand. I marvel at His provision and how He is transforming me and writing a story I never knew I wanted written. He is now even using me to write other people’s stories. I tried so hard to box myself in. I felt boxed in that cube for 3 years and thought it would be the death of me. But I learned joy. I chose to make the best of that cube and that was what He was waiting for. So often we think we are waiting on Him. I bet you He’s waiting on you even more!

I met with my career coach and let her fine tune my resume, my cover letter and my Linked In profile. My business cards for both my professional endeavors as well as my book are on their way. It all looks so amazing and yet it doesn’t even cover all of the other professional experiences I am getting with writing in this season. Whatever God has for me is going to be phenomenal.

10 years ago I couldn’t see my future. I couldn’t see where I was going. I had a totally different view of how my life would look and who would be in it. I thought I knew myself. I had no clue I would keep changing. That much of what made me “me” back then was actually not me at all. It was brokenness, wounds, pain, and lies believed since childhood. There is still brokenness, and there is still pain, and lies, but He has made it His mission to keep making me better.

The pruning is worth it. It’s hard, but so worth it.

I finally see now that the path God creates for each of us is to bring out our best. He does not allow us to stay immature and selfish and needy. He keeps us walking by faith so that we are being developed into His image. This image for me has been long luscious locks of natural hair, a 25lb weight loss, clean eating life style, improved fashion style and a radiant dark chocolate skin tone. And that doesn’t even cover my improved character!

I thought I needed a man to make me worthy. I thought I needed a relationship to have value and be beautiful. Actually it was a relationship I needed to make me amazing. But it was a relationship with Christ.

If you are on Periscope please check out my guest spot on TriF.Y.R.E’s “Transparent Tuesdays”! I will be weighing in on the topic of “Christian Singles Being Sexy”.


SHALOM!