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This New Season

He comes over to my desk and updates me on things to do. I realize quickly I need to take notes but there isn’t time so I take notes in my head. I think about waitresses and how you know the really good ones are the ones who don’t need to write anything down. I focus intently on his words concentrating with all my mental capacity to be equivalent to one of those stellar waitresses. It must work because I successfully remember all the important things.

Afterward I ask about his meeting yesterday. He was out of the office all day at a work conference. His eyes light up as he discusses the agenda and what he took away from it. He is the visionary functiong in his identity. I am the administrator come to help bring the vision to pass.

He says he learned about branding and that each of us, the 3 current employees of the company, will be developing our individual brand. I love it. Once again I am reminded of how there is opportunity for growth here. The package this blessing has come in really caught me off guard and even some of the grunt work that first week was difficult to deal with, but now we are getting somewhere.

All week I have poured over numbers, diligently working to get things in order and catch him up for the last 3 years. This week I have been in my element.  It is slowly coming together.  There have been days I have been in the office all by my lonesome, there is so much autonomy and freedom. A far cry from the office gossip and micro-managing I was under. Even when I am not alone in the office each person is so busy studying their own project, no one is paying attention to me. It is a place of rest. It is a place of recovery and healing.

I have battled and warred in this season. The war has been within me but God has kindly and graciously kept me from losing my sanity. He has opened doors unexpected and is teaching me wholeness in a way I didn’t know existed.  A way I didnt know that I needed.  Mental health is so needed.

Each night I leave that he is still there working he thanks me. As if he isn’t paying me to do this job. As if I don’t need him just as much as he needs me. It is just his heart.

So humble and kind. I have never before experienced such leadership.

I am being restored.

SHALOM

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Downtown Girl

She wakes up in the morning to sunshine. Of course there’s sunshine, it’s her first official day of work! It’s going to be a great day!

She selects a pencil skirt, top and scarf. Today she puts on her flats and carries her heels in a bag. She learned her lesson at orientation yesterday; flats are vital for walking downtown. Although she is only a 10 minute drive from work she forgot to factor in rush hour traffic. Apparently everyone works downtown!

 But the 20 minute delay does not deter her. It only makes her feel apart of the hustle and bustle of this city she has grown to love ❤️.  She makes it to the parking lot and successfully uses her badge to swipe in. She remembers to take the backway into the office building and types in the code correctly the first time. Of course she does, because it’s going to be a great day! She takes the elevator and uses the key to the office only to find its already unlocked. Her boss had his meeting moved and he was there after all. They greet and smile and all is pleasant. She sets into her desk and quickly a load of files are laid out to be sorted. After 4 hours they are still in need of sorting.

 She chooses a local market from lunch and enjoys the short walk up the street. A salad, chips and snacks for later find their way into her hand. She is surrounded by suits and skirts; other downtown people who have the privilege of working in swanky offices and well to do atmospheres. Her atmosphere may not be as wealthy but it is surely blessed. In many ways it is the desire of her heart. It is the Father opening an unexpected door.

The rest of the day is productive and the job is taking shape. She is needed. Her gifts and talents are adding to the betterment of this business and as with all her other jobs there is purpose here.

It is a relaxing atmosphere and very flexible. She is taken care of and looked out for once again.

She is loved.

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In other news, I am now available for speaking engagements!! Book me 😉

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Also my friends and I were featured in Essence Magazine! Click here and make sure to check out #12 😆.

SHALOM

When Your Job is Downstairs

 I sat across from them in their living room, cup of tea in hand, and spilled out my story. I told them I had been laid off 5 months prior and although I had a seasonal job, I had yet to lock in longterm employment.  I told them that even though the company I worked for had struggled for 3 years, I didn’t see the layoff coming. But even though it was unexpected, it was still a blessing. I shared all the stuff I had not wanted to share with them because I didnt want them to worry. They were my landlords and I wanted them to be secure in receiving rent. But now I had to come clean because my savings was dwindling, I had no job prospects and the tax season was coming to an end. I had a little over a month and my lease would end. I wanted to let them know I wouldn’t be renewing if nothing changed.

So I sat there with this couple who has been in my life these 4 years. They came to my book release party, purchased multiple books, came to my end of the year gathering and supported many of my endevors. It didn’t dawn on me I had made it into their hearts. It didn’t dawn on me they deeply cared for me.

But when I shared about my unemployment their care became quickly evident. The wife shared about her own recent layoff and the husband, well, he offerred me a job. He explained he’d been looking for an assistant, someone to help him get his books in order and my skill set qualified me for the position.

So while it took courage for me to have that conversation and I was battling fear on my way to have it, it was proven to me that once again fear is the lie.

I met with him and we laid out our resumes. Who did I have before me? I marveled at his accomplishments. You never know who’s in your circle of connections.

The very thing I had been waiting on this whole time was right in front of me. But I had to change to see it. The process I’ve been in these 5 months has been so necessary to go through. There were so many toxic and unhealthy mindets I needed to be purged from. A very large toxin was fear. Even now I still practice overcoming it, but the greatest deliverance has already taken place.

The thing about fear is it seems so real. But its not. God is real. And love is real. And if you’re bold enough to push through the fear you just may find your blessing is right downstairs.

SHALOM

Turning Points

I had a bittersweet conversation with a friend today. Bitter because her boyfriend is dying from cancer. Sweet b/c God is in the midst.

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I have known this woman for some time and she has been instrumental in my career. God has used her as an advocate for me and used her to keep doors open for me. In return He has used me to minister the gospel to her, over nearly a 10-year period.

She came to faith quietly, in the day-to-day grind and sometimes hours of monotony; in her own way. Not in the over the top, zealous way I experienced as a teenager in college, but as a woman who had been through a lot, walked through a lot, and learned she had a Savior she could lean on. When her companion was diagnosed, I knew she would get to know that Savior in more ways than she ever had before. What better way to know the Man of Sorrows than when He holds your hand as you yourself walk through sorrow?

She was a mentor before she was a friend, but eventually our 20-year difference morphed into a relationship that lacked description, though once she told me I was like the daughter she never had. That daughter only lived a few hours and died prematurely. I’m honored she would compare me to her.

She called to tell me the job I’ve been waiting for, the job I felt was promised to me, called her for a reference. “I think you got it”, she said. Revelation flooded me. My mind found its way back to 10 years ago, when another door in my career threatened to shut; when God’s promises were being opposed by forces of darkness. Back then He used her to keep that door open and 2 months later I received what was mine.

Again, the door has been open, waiting for me…

“Those who wait on the Lord shall not be ashamed”.

“Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint”.

May God receive all the glory from my life.

And from yours.

SHALOM

The Art of Waiting

I have an interview today. It is the one I’ve been wanting for 3 months now. 3 very long months. When talking about it with a friend she mentioned how waiting is God’s way with me and how much better this time of waiting has went compared to the last time in my career (which took place some 9 years ago).  But even in my excitement at this potential movement in my career I sobered up when realizing the wait may be a little longer than I expected. There are a couple of components to the interview. Multiple individuals are involved and therefore multiple people’s schedules are involved. As a result there may be a longer time frame then I would prefer for closure with this particular opportunity (in all honesty it has already been longer than I preferred). I of course am not putting all of my eggs in one basket. I am keeping an open mind to other opportunities but it’s a little difficult when you feel there is divine intervention involved. When you feel the Lord has given you a word, a promise, and then circumstances cause you to wait for that promise.

My history with Christ has been that way. 9 years ago He gave me a word but then told me to wait on the fruition of that word. It took 5 months but it came to pass.

Lately as I scroll through my FB timeline there are baby pictures everywhere. If not pics then news of pregnancies. It seems amplified lately and I’m not sure why. Normally this type of thing doesn’t bother me but maybe its because of my own transition in this season and waiting for some things to be birthed in my own life, I’m feeling bothered. And maybe it’s because I’m quickly approaching my 33rd b day, I’m waiting once again in my career, still waiting in the area of relationships, and realizing how very little control I have in this life.

The one thing that is clear to me is, I am learning the art of waiting in order to learn the art of living eternal. I simply cannot live for this life. I simply cannot hold on to anything temporary.

I have been emptied out. There has been much fruit from this emptying out and there is much fruit to come but the harvest does not negate the pain from the sacrifice. The longevity of the path of surrender can be overwhelming at times but that is when the supernatural manifests. When you simply cannot do it in and of yourself He does it through you.

Christ in us, the hope of glory.

SHALOM

Corporate Soul Winner

10 years ago I learned a valuable lesson in my career. I learned that God will not just put me anywhere. An open door in my career meant a spiritual assignment from Him. That spiritual assignment was also 2 fold:

1. It was to shape me into His image

2. It was to win souls to Him.

The first assignment was in such an unhealthy environment that He pre-warned me about it by giving me a dream. He also had me waiting in so much anticipation beforehand I was extra grateful for the work opportunity!  Even still, my gratefuleness lasted all but 3 months and I was soon petitioning Him for a QUICK release! The things I experienced at that place of unemployment were unheard of in a corporate setting but I endured and there was purpose there.

The 2nd assignment was “the reward”but first I had to face some spiritual warfare before that door opened. God fought for me, used it to develop me and still gave me His promise. But even in the promise land there is testing and 5 years later I moved into another testing period. Then after 3 years I overcame this test and was released (thank You Lord).  I had completed another assignment which resulted in both my own transformation and an addition of souls to the kingdom.

And now I am at my 3rd assignment. This assignment reminds me more of the first. Instead of savvy businessmen and woman I’m working with a different social class. Some have felonies, different baby daddies, need food stamps to make ends meet, but God loves them. He sent me there to tell them that. Me with my degrees from my prestigious universities and my fly pencil skirts and blazers. I seem like an unlikely candidate for this assignment, but have my own family history that qualifies me (as well as God’s leadership).

My associate and I talked yesterday about how you simply cannot judge another person by their outward appearance. But people do it all the time. If I would have judged Christ who was nothing exciting to look at, who was born in a manger and was a Carpenter for a living, well, I would haved missed the mark.

I reflect on this assignment and see its similarity to my very 1st assignment. God could have given me His promotion immediately after my release, but He chose not to. Instead I needed to be shaped even more.

And more souls needed saving.

As difficult as it has been to submit to His lordship Im grateful He chooses to keep removing the pride with these humbling assignments. Im glad He keeps reminding me of what is really important.

People are important.

They come in all different shapes, sizes, colors and social classes. And He has called me to them all.

He has called me to win the masses.

SHALOM

Sumbission & Control

Have you ever tried to control God? Not like blatantly tell Him what to do because you know that would be silly but instead you plan and plot and secretly put time limits on Him when it comes to occurrences of your life. So really its like you are trying to control your life but since He is the Author of your life it’s really Him you are trying to control.

And even though I’m  saying “you” I actually am speaking to myself here.

I heard a preacher recently say we have faith as long as we can see how God will move. We all have an expiration date to our faith. I agree with that statement. I had so much faith and thought my faith was limitless. Now I know it is the faith of the Son that is limitless. My own faith runs out eventually when the waiting gets too long. When I realize that God is not moving in my time frame or opening doors in my fashion or even opening the doors that I want opened. No matter how many times I pass these tests I seem to default to this false way of thinking and functioning.

I default to control.

In this transition period it took me a while to realize that the open door I was waiting for was already open. It took me a while to see the work He put before me is the assignment to focus on and once again I needed to Be Present. I needed to live in the NOW. I needed to adjust my expectations, stop putting limits on Him, stop trying to control Him, and humble myself. When I asked Him why I always seem to be in this predicament of being tested through waiting and humility His response was that He is chastising me.

He chastises those He loves.

My good friend told me “God is trying to catch up our character with out gifts!” I think she is right. I see now this is a lifelong process. I am once again submitting to the process.

And relinquishing control.

SHALOM