Tag Archive | healing

The Light & Darkness

This season has been full of high highs and low lows.  Similar to Dicken’s “A Tale of Two Cities” I can see the best and worst. I can see both the light and the dark.  They somehow coexist.  The beauty is that Christ is the same, no matter how tumultuous life gets.  He peaks at me through the people who love me, through their desire to connect with me.  He hides behind the open doors I know only He has the power to unlock.  I glimpse Him but He does not bombard me with His heart and presence and power the way He has in the past.  The way I was so used to.  No, He is maturing me.  Have you ever had a season like that?  Where you are being matured but you don’t really want to be?  He is developing the weak things in me…

Hebrews 12:12

Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees…

My roommate moved in last week!  She is such a blessing.  I know she is one of the many gifts the Father has given me in this season.  Her smile, her laugh, they are life.  It’s amazing how similar we are in temperament.  It’s amazing we met through this little blog.  God is an amazing connector!

I got to have dinner with an old friend.  She wanted to buy my book and actually bought 2.  She said she could have bought it a year ago but she needed it now.  God is using it in her healing.  I am blessed.  The next day I met a woman at a friend’s party.  She bought my book too.  God keeps selling them…

He is near, even when I can’t feel Him.  He protects me when my heart is in anguish.  When I’m sitting next to someone who was at one time the fabric of my life, my being, and yet we do not utter a word.  We are like two passersby, when once we were like Siamese twins.  I know the separation had to happen and I’m glad it did.  Still, some things in life are not easy to recover from.

I just received my manuscript back from my editor!  I began reviewing the changes last night, sitting on the couch with a cup of tea in my hand and my roomie not too far away.  I love this season.  I love Fall.  I look forward to seeing how the Father will manifest His will in this new year of Rosh Shoshanna…

 

I really like this song right now..

SHALOM

 

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Healing in Layers

About a week ago I accidentally knocked my hand against my book shelf.  I was sort of in a rush as my friend and I were packing for a road trip (shout out to Ji!) and then all of a sudden BAM I was slowed down.  Intense pain followed and I looked down to see what the issue was.  The skin was split open on my finger and blood was running profusely.  I apologize for those of you with queesy stomachs!  Its about to get a little real here on this post!

I rushed to the sink, ran my finger under the faucet and applied a towel and some Peroxide before looking for a bandaid.  The cut looked kind of deep but I had plans for the weekend and no insurance to cover that kind of injury so I kept it moving.  Over the course of the trip I applied new bandaids and kept an eye on the cut.  I knew I could have used a stitch or two when I saw the white meat appear after the  bleeding stopped.  But again, I was going to have to be a “G” in the situation and let my body do its natural healing thing.  My friend was great and gave me tips as she has suffered her own self inflicted injuries recently.  After the trip I’m not gonna lie, I started getting concerned.  It was such a deep cut and I was wondering how in the world the skin would ever close up.  My friend asked if it scabbed over yet and I shared it had not.  At her recommendation I added some Neosporin which I do feel helped.

Within days I noticed extra layers forming over the white part of the cut and I felt a sense of relief.  It was healing!  The skin was growing back!

At this point I am reminded of a scripture God gave me earlier this year:

Mark‬ ‭8:22-25‬ 

“Then He came to Bethsaida; and they brought a blind man to Him, and begged Him to touch him. So He took the blind man by the hand and led him out of the town. And when He had spit on his eyes and put His hands on him, He asked him if he saw anything. And he looked up and said, “I see men like trees, walking.” Then He put His hands on his eyes again and made him look up. And he was restored and saw everyone clearly.”

So you’re probably wondering, “Nicole, what does this have to do with you cutting your finger???” Well, my friend I will tell you!  In this passage Christ heals a man but the healing is not instant.  Initially the man sees a little but his vision isn’t 💯. Instead it takes another time for Christ to touch the man.  And its not like this is some imperfect being who doesn’t “have enough faith” to heal someone!  We are talking about Jesus here folks!  So it must be that some wounds are so deep they need to be healed in layers (see the connection now?)😉.  Some wounds need to have the bandages changed a few times, have some antibiotic cream applied, need to have a closer eye kept on them to prevent infection.  As much as you may want you cannot just slap a bandaid on it and keep it moving.  Though there are times God does allow for that!  There was a time a man was lame and all Christ said was “Take up your bed and walk ” and the guy walked!  Those are the times I personally like best!  Instant healing!

But there is something to be learned and appreciated when your healing takes time.  You develop in perseverance, self control, and the like.  You adjust your expectations of who God is and who you are.  God is not a genie in a bottle ready to give you everything you want when you want it and you are not a needy, insecure person who needs His manifestation to feel loved (though I’m saying “you” I’m talking to myself folks).

Instead you learn He sometimes chooses to build your character and faith through the wait.  He sometimes handles you with care and heals you in layers.  And although at times you wonder if the healing will ever come, you realize it is coming but–quietly. 

Slowly. 

And over time.

SHALOM 
‭‭

Thank You Black Man

I was heading to the bathroom in a fancy restaurant that I was having brunch with my friends at. I don’t normally do fancy restaurants but since my friend was visiting from out of town I understood the importance of enjoying our brunch on the patio with mimosas. Only fancy restaurants offer such accomidations.  At least, in my city…Then he says what I think he’s thinking but I’m still shocked at his boldness.  “You are so beautiful.”  I turn in the direction of the voice and match it to a young, black man standing behind the register dressed in chef’s attire.  I offer a small smile, a little embarrassed, and mumble “Thank you” before continuing my journey to the ladies’ room.  But as soon as I turn my back to him I’m beaming. Though I felt his attraction to me when I had walked by him earlier I hadn’t fathomed he would think I was “So beautiful”.  Cute maybe, but beautiful was a few steps up from cute.  At least 3 steps…So I pass him on my way back and know he is talking about me to the waitress who doesn’t seem to be too happy he is attracted to another female.  She had given me attitude earlier around the same time I felt his attraction.  I didn’t sweat it.  That’s her issue.

Throughout brunch I am meditating on his compliment and reflecting on the way black men consistently and respectfully compliment me in this season.  I have had men stop their cars just to affirm me. They do not ask me for my number, they do not say anything inappropriate. They just want to let me know I have something going on that they appreciate.

Coming from a backround where there were no strong, black men to affirm or protect me, I grew up missing some things and as you can imagine I looked for those things in all the wrong places.  I have had plenty of negative experiences with men from my race which have done some damage and so I see God undoing that damage with these positive experiences.

There is a great breakdown in relationships between black men and women which go back as far as slavery days.  Black men were not allowed to even protect their wives from rape and violence when they were slaves and I believe that did a great deal to their psyche, but we won’t go there in this post.  I have dated outside of my race and even felt for a long time I would marry out of my race, and maybe I still will.  But I can see how God has created me to attract the black man.  The way He has shaped my figure, tweaked my style and brought out my natural locks.

I sat across from my friend, another affirming black male. A good man, with a good heart and a strong faith.  We enjoyed our meal and company and the soul music that was unexpectedly playing in this middle eastern restaurant.  He was a gentlemen and honored me and that blessed me so much.  I was once again being healed in places I didn’t even know were hurting.  God was anwering my prayer.

In a time where society is painting such an ugly picture of young black men and ending their lives prematurely, I see God using them.  I see His hope for them.  His heart is near them and I believe for their true identity to be made manifest.

I just want to say thank you black man for your appreciation of my beauty and your respect in showing it.

SHALOM

Starting Off At A Deficit

Social media is one of those things that it is what you make it.  It can be a great way to celebrate life or a reminder of what you do not have.  For the most part I enjoy seeing the celebrations shared but sometimes I could go without seeing them. Sometimes I get a little discouraged by the gifts of others.

Like pictures that show women and girls with close knit families. Pictures of daughters who have fathers to affirm them and men in their lives who know their worth. They were not birthed into “complicated” situations. There was no trauma, drama, addiction or abuse in their bloodline. Their family isn’t perfect (no family is) and they have other challenges that’s for certain, but these are not their challenges and that fact, is their gift.

These girls don’t have to overcome generational strongholds, or fight an uphill battle in the areas that I have. When you start off at a deficit that’s what has to happen: you have to fight. 

You have to fight to recover from self inflicted pain, misguided love, broken covenants, etc… You have to fight for peace and soundness of mind and wholeness. For sure, everyone has to discover their true identity which takes work, but some have to do more work then others.

My story isn’t having the proper foundation. There were a lot of deficits. But thankfully there were people there who overcame their own deficits. And even when they didn’t they prayed that I would be able to.

My family doesn’t look like the typical family. Instead it is a hodgepodge of people mostly not blood related.  These people genuinely love me.

And where there was no father, no man to affirm me and teach me my value, there was The Father. He came in, revealed Himself and called me His own.

Some days its hard appreciating my gift and wishing I could have had that better foundation, but I am reminded even as I type these words that “Suffering produces perseverance, perseverance character and character hope”-Romans 5:4.

How can one be called resilient lest they persevere through the difficulty? How can one be an overcomer lest they have something to overcome?

So even when there is a deficit, a weakness, a perceived area of lack, God becomes the surpluss. He becomes the strength where we are weak. And He gets all the glory for helping us to overcome.

Here are just a few of the people in my life who love me dearly…

  
SHALOM

This New Season

He comes over to my desk and updates me on things to do. I realize quickly I need to take notes but there isn’t time so I take notes in my head. I think about waitresses and how you know the really good ones are the ones who don’t need to write anything down. I focus intently on his words concentrating with all my mental capacity to be equivalent to one of those stellar waitresses. It must work because I successfully remember all the important things.

Afterward I ask about his meeting yesterday. He was out of the office all day at a work conference. His eyes light up as he discusses the agenda and what he took away from it. He is the visionary functiong in his identity. I am the administrator come to help bring the vision to pass.

He says he learned about branding and that each of us, the 3 current employees of the company, will be developing our individual brand. I love it. Once again I am reminded of how there is opportunity for growth here. The package this blessing has come in really caught me off guard and even some of the grunt work that first week was difficult to deal with, but now we are getting somewhere.

All week I have poured over numbers, diligently working to get things in order and catch him up for the last 3 years. This week I have been in my element.  It is slowly coming together.  There have been days I have been in the office all by my lonesome, there is so much autonomy and freedom. A far cry from the office gossip and micro-managing I was under. Even when I am not alone in the office each person is so busy studying their own project, no one is paying attention to me. It is a place of rest. It is a place of recovery and healing.

I have battled and warred in this season. The war has been within me but God has kindly and graciously kept me from losing my sanity. He has opened doors unexpected and is teaching me wholeness in a way I didn’t know existed.  A way I didnt know that I needed.  Mental health is so needed.

Each night I leave that he is still there working he thanks me. As if he isn’t paying me to do this job. As if I don’t need him just as much as he needs me. It is just his heart.

So humble and kind. I have never before experienced such leadership.

I am being restored.

SHALOM

Walking Through The Fire

A long time ago there were three men who were so full of faith they risked their lives to prove it. Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-Nego were thrown into a fiery furnace by King Nebuchadnezzar because they refused to bow down to his golden image. Even with the consequence of disobeying the King their belief that God could deliver them from the fiery furnace prevailed.  This type of faith is definitely impressive! But what is even more remarkable is their belief that even if they were not delivered, even if God allowed them to suffer at the hands of this man, they refused to forsake Him!  For months now I have sought the Lord to move on my behalf. I have asked Him to deliver and fight and heal. I have experienced His movement on my behalf so many times in these ways prior to this season. I did not understand why this deliverance was “taking so long” to manifest. It was during a moment of brokeness that instead of asking Him to deliver me I instead asked Him to walk with me through this season. Instantly I was reminded of the 3 Hebrew boys.

Sometimes the Lord will not remove our obstacles, even when they are very difficult. Sometimes He will not remove them because we as believer’s are not exempt from the trials of this life. Instead, He chooses to hold our hand and walk with us through the fire.

Years ago while I was in a similar transition season God gave me a word that I was going through the fire to be delivered of some baggage I had be carrying. I needed to be refined before my new season. God may not start the flame as was the case with the 3 Hebrew boys (Nebuchadnazzer took care of that) but He will certainly use it.

Sometimes God gets the glory from immediately delivering you from a situation so that you dont have to go through it. Other times He chooses to allow the situation and be with you in it, keeping you from being scarred by the flames.

In either case He is faithful to make you as pure as gold when your season of testing is over.

SHALOM