Tag Archive | reconciliation

Like Father, Like Daughter

Being an only child has its pluses and minuses. Plus: You learn to play on your own. Minus: You usually hate to share. Plus: You usually have your physical needs met. Minus: You can be (maybe a little 🤣) spoiled/self centered. Plus: You have a strong sense of self. Minus: You can be stubborn/bossy. (And some of these characteristics may not describe a typical only child, instead they may just be describing me LOL).

I was talking to a friend recently about growing up an only child and not having that experience of sitting at the dinner table together to share a meal with a family. Growing up in a single parent home my mother was more concerned about me having food on the table over us eating it together. Many evenings she was working when in fact I ate. My friend felt bad for me but even when I myself started feeling bad I was quickly reminded of how she and I shared all of our meals together some 4 months ago when the shut down hit.

Me and Dee❤️

And so in that case I could see God giving me that experience of eating with my sister. Similarly I found myself having another redeeming familial experience yesterday when visiting my dad for the Fourth of July weekend. (Side note, there are many in the black community who are not celebrating the fourth and I totally get it. Why should we celebrate the Independence of a nation that enslaved us? And so while we did gather during this holiday my heart personally is not to be affiliated with the “liberty” of slave owners.) For the first time in my whole life I partook in a holiday celebration with my father. This was a huge deal and I had to send out for backup prayer requests to my trusted intercessors who, thankfully, reminded me that I was not alone and that they were with me.

I made the trip physically on my own, trusting God all the way. I knew He was ordering my steps and that even though there had been so much warfare against my relationship with my father much of my life, the Father’s heart was that it be healed and restored.

I went and stood with these people who look like me: dark brown skin and musical. They sang for hours doing karaoke and relived the time when my father was a star in an all male group. He actually went to California to make it big. They had a cd recorded, of which I have the digital copy. You can find it on iTunes 😁. It was heartwarming to see my relatives gathered at the back porch as if it were a stage and watch my father and his old group members perform. I knew God was giving me the desire of my heart.

So many were happy to see me and over and over I heard about how much I look like my dad. I wrestled with my emotions and am still processing but it is not missed by me that the Father is healing.

Sometimes we miss things in our childhood. The enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy. And sometimes God gives us those things later in life.

I never grew up in a household of people who looked like me. My love of music was shared for sure but they were not performers. In my youth I had loved performing and seeing my father’s relatives do so showed me where I got it from. DNA is a powerful thing. We can end up just like the people we were conceived from even when we are not raised by them.

In this season I long. I long for so many things. The thing I have longed for the most and for the longest time is to have a family of my own. The Father has given me His family and that has been a blessing but it has never replaced the longing to have my own. I think that Mary would agree, she still missed Jesus, even after He gave her John.

“When Jesus therefore saw His mother, and the disciple whom He loved standing by, He said to His mother, “Woman, behold your son!””
‭‭John‬ ‭19:26‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

How could she not? He came from her own womb.

But the love and belonging that my blood family has in their heart for me is evident. Even as I struggle with the lost years, I am in awww of the gained days. Being around people who are “mine” is a dream. And there are so many dreams God has made come true.

He is faithful.

Like father, like daughter ❤️

In other news stay tuned for a release of a new book I’m working on! I am so excited about this book project and what God wants to do through it! This book has offered me an opportunity to express both my spirituality and black culture. It adequately expresses where I have evolved in my faith at this point in my juncture. May He get all the glory ❤️.

SHALOM

Everything Has Changed

A friend of mine is walking through a really hard season right now. Her boyfriend is facing a terminal illness and she is his sole caregiver. She confided in me about how exhausted she was and how her body was growing weary from the daily grind of tending to him emotionally, mentally and physically. But she felt her own exhaustion failed greatly in comparison to his physical pain. How often do we do that? Compare our pain to someone else’s and belittle our own needs? I encouraged her to make sure she is taking care of herself in this season, otherwise how can she possibly be there to care for him? She nodded but was at a loss as to how that could possibly happen when it is just her and he is in need of so much. One thing she said in our conversation was that “life will never be the same with him again”. Regardless of the outcome of this diagnosis, their 15 year relationship will never be the same. It’s so odd to me how suddenly life can change things in that way. We can grow comfortable in our season because day in, day out, it is the same. And then something happens. And it is never the same again. It doesn’t matter if that something is good or bad, because we have grown accustomed to what was for so long, we will still need to transition to the new. We will still need to learn how to interact and function in this new.

I was spending time with a college friend last night. She and her hubby were in town and it had been years since we last connected. I was so blessed by their fellowship and their focus on me. They have a well-known ministry and I’m sure are used to so much of the focus being on them in their various settings and relationships. I could tell they were determined to make sure they did not consume our time together as they prayed over me and asked intentional questions about me. It confirmed so much to me that to the Lord I am a whole person. For so long I kept finding my identity in another person but now He is showing me, there is just Him. I said as much when the questions came about my love life. For some, relationships are a good thing, but for me, there is work that needs to be done.

I had flashbacks on the way to meeting my friends last night and I realized how much I had changed and grown in the various times we had met up. God has taken me from one place to the next in my awareness of my true self and in my character and emotional development. I’m grateful for His faithfulness. I was also encouraged to know that this very friend I was meeting was someone whom I had previously been distanced from, but God restored. In our immaturity we became divided, but God reconciled. I am reminded of other relationships He has done that with and I am encouraged that He could do it again. Even with relationships that had a very long season.

And then things happened.

And everything changed.

Life seems to be a process of brokenness, healing and recovery. I can see these patterns in my life and finally have understanding as to why they have occurred. It is like in the 2nd Hunger Games Movie when they realized the pattern and were then able to outsmart their enemy. I know that is why God has shown me the pattern. So I can be more effective in my warfare.

I also shared with my friends last night that periodically I check on my mom and ask her if she is ok with not having grandkids right now. We have done all the weddings and baby showers together and the only thing I could offer her friends was an invitation to my book signing earlier this year. But she has been so supportive and puts no pressure on me at all. I know that for her, being a single parent, I have already surpassed her dreams. Having an advanced degree and being a published author are pretty remarkable in her eyes. And I know, she just wants my next relationship to be healthy and healing for me.

I couldn’t agree more.

SHALOM