Several years ago I had the opportunity to apply for a new position. It would be a promotion and my manager was eagerly encouraging me to apply. I had missed out on a previous position and really was ok with that b/c I was being sensitive to Holy Spirit. I figured that since I had missed the opportunity the first time it just wasn’t time and the opportunity would present itself again. I was right. But this time when it came back around I heard the Lord said “No”.
“No.” “Why???” And that was really the best question I could have asked Him. I’m learning that when God says “no” we should ask “why” He wants us to understand His ways. He wants us to ask for wisdom. So that evening after work I went home. I laid in the upstairs attic prostrate and sought Him. I presented Him with my heart. I believed He had given me this desire for this promotion and had given me favor with management. Why was He saying no? He reminded me that my spiritual assignment in my current position was that of an intercessor. I was interceding for the people on my team and yet there was one person I had offended and whom had offended me. As a result, I had stopped interceding for her. As a result, I had not fulfilled my spiritual assignment. I knew I needed to apologize to her for me to be “released”. The next day, I apologized, with tears in my eyes for offending her. Long story short, I received the promotion. I was released.
I sent an email to some friends yesterday, sharing about my struggle in my current job position. Not understanding God’s plan. Confused about His ways. One friend sent me a few videos of encouragement. One specifically really ministered to me, “Resolving the Unresolved”. Funny thing is I had previously listened to the sermon and had even “liked” it on Youtube but clearly I needed to hear this message again. Touré Roberts shared that there can be unresolved issues in our lives that can hinder promotions or progress from being made. He encouraged listeners to humble themselves, go to those whom they have offended, and repent. As many times as necessary. This was confirmation for me that I was on the right track.
Recently I wrote a letter to a friend I deeply offended. I owned up to my mistakes. I apologized for the wounds I created and deepened in her heart. I did this for my own healing but even more for hers. I realize looking back on my life I like to end things well. If seasons change, that is fine, but I don’t want them left unresolved. Sometimes we can’t resolve things in the timing we desire, b/c we can’t control another’s response. But we can take ownership of our stuff, and we can apologize for our stuff and we can make peace with ourselves, regardless of their response.
After listening to Toure’s sermon I could see that often I compartmentalize, but that is not God’s way. The personal part of my life can easily influence God’s movement in the career part of my life. I’m so blessed that in 2015 God has been resolving unresolved issues. There were some deep wounds that had been there for years in very close relationships in my life, and this year He has brought healing to them.
It feels like daily I am becoming more aware of myself and my thoughts and my ways and when they do not line up with His. And I am learning that those whom I viewed as against me are actually for me. And those whom I felt were out to get me, actually love me. I know this is my healing and it is only coming through taking the more narrow way.
Sometimes the narrow way involves giving up unhealthy relationships. Sometimes it involves writing a letter of repentance. And sometimes it looks totally different. I’m learning that everyone’s path is different.
This is just my path.
This is just what is best for me.
This is me at work yesterday….#WIP