This weekend one of my besties asked me along for a road trip. I of course said, “yes!” And off we went to Indiana to visit her fam. It has been go go go non stop full of extroverts and activities. Definitely an energy remover for this introvert but still enjoyable 😉.
Seeing her with her fam made me acutely aware of my own desire for family. That area of life has been a source of pain. At one point one very important woman made up the wholeness of family for me but then that season ended–10 years ago to be exact. She went to “be with the Lord” and though the teaching I’m under has helped me understand she still surrounds me along with the cloud of witnesses (Hebrews 11) most times that understanding isn’t enough.
Today is her birthday. If she were here we would rejoice about all the blessings I have as a result of her sacrifices. We would talk about the spiritual revelations we were having. How God was moving and all that He had done. This time I’d take her out for dinner because now I’m the adult and can do such things. We would talk about my love life and the waiting in it. She would tell me she was praying for the right person to come along and to trust God. She would look at me lovingly, beaming with pride.
Even though I don’t have her here in the natural to do those things, I have her daughter. Her daughter is just as proud if not more. She made just as many sacrifices so that I could have better opportunities. She loves me just as much.
These women have been the reason I am where I am today. And what they could not do in and of themselves God did through them. And when there was no man to help He became that man. He became all that I needed. He stepped in and filled the lack.
Now I am lacking nothing. Sometimes its easier to say those words than others but all the time they are still true.
Happy birthday to my dear grandmother who is cheering me on as I run this race of eternity. As I fight the good fight, carry my cross and head towards the finish line. She left such an example of how to win this race.
This weekend I had the pleasure of spending 48 hours with my goddaughter. Man that was a serious wake up call! I just want to say up front that I am HARDLY around children AND I’m an only child. You can imagine how unprepared I was to go from single with no children to being a full time mom! Sure I have had her and her siblings from time to time. I have taken them on outings and just took them tobagging last week but this little visit was something I had never before experienced. The following are a few insights I gained these last 48 hours:
1. You rarely have alone time. Everytime I was coming out of the restroom she was there.
2. Children are NEEDY. Every few minutes she needed something from me. She was simply not independent. Even if she wasn’t physically needy she was emotionally needy.
3. Sleep is a luxery. I was woken up this morning out of my sleep because she needed me.
4. Nothing goes by plan with kids. From the breakfast I slaved over to the bath she took, nothing went by plan.
My life is full of downtime and naps and rest. It is all about me. I dont have to wait for anyone or consider anyone but with a child that is all I was thinking about. I was always thinking about making sure she was ok. Making sure she was fed, bathed, entertained. And I even got a break when her dad came to pick her up yesterday! But still, I was tired. And that was just one child who is out of diapers! God’s grace and strength to all parents out there, ESPECIALLY to the single parents!
The one thing that stood out to me is the Father’s care for us. All the while I was caring for my goddaughter I kept being reminded that this is how the Lord is with us. I was convinced that all parents should never doubt the Lord’s provision and love. Just as they are so concerned to take care of their child they can rest assured the Father is the same way!
There were of course some rewarding moments and I love this little girl like my own. I pray for her and encourge her. I want her to know I am cheering her on every step of the way! Still I did not miss the message of this weekend and that is when you are single you have more time to focus on the Lord: So I am going to bide my time in this season, continue enjoying my naps and rest and me time. Until God says otherwise I’ll enjoy the gift of time!