Have you ever done something you regret? Like really regret? But even though you regret it in time you do it again. And again. And again…
Romans 7:15, 19
“For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do…
For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice.”
The thing is I tend to enjoy the thing I’m not supposed to do. And not even just because it has that forbidden enticing appeal to it, but part of the appeal is that it actually plays off of my natural desires. My natural desires that are not being met that I’ve had to practice dying to for 11 years.
But anytime I give in, and allow myself to get a “fix” or feel good, or ease the pain, you know what happens? Hurt happens. And more pain happens. And it never ends up the way I want it to.
And years go by and the same thing happens and I wonder when the ending of this cycle will be? How much work needs to be done in my life to where I will not be faced with this issue? I realize I cannot in and of myself do this work. I cannot muster up enough strength.
It must be that I have to glory in my weakness. It must be that I have to admit my predispositions and insecurities. We all have them you know–insecurities. So maybe your struggle isn’t like mine, but maybe you struggle with something.
Maybe there is a web that keeps being weaved through reoccurring struggles that happen this side of life. One thing that is for sure, the web is too entangled for me to untangle all by myself. I have my sisters there helping me. I have my spiritual community. I have my family: those who are here and the ones who have gone to glory.
And O I have a Father who called me before I was in my mother’s womb. He promised me He would work it all out for my good. He promised to be my strength where I am weak. And He promised to complete the work He started. And Oh what a work…
A masterpiece in the place of a web.
Grace and forgiveness in the place of sin and selfishness.
Here is a link to a podcast on generational curses if you’re interested.
In other news, I found out recently my book is available in the local Library! Proof He is not done with me yet😉.