It is Not Good For Man to Be Alone

Gen 2:18 The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

Another version says: “Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper as his complement.”

Often singles use this scripture to justify this belief that they should not be single.  They say they should be in a relationship b/c God Himself said it: it is not good for man to be alone.  But does alone mean single?  If that were the case than wouldn’t Jesus have been called to an earthly marriage?  Or Paul?  Or so many others who have lived amazing lives for Christ while single?  

I have always felt the Lord’s definition of alone in this passage did not pertain necessarily to singleness, but to community.  Christ has used community in my single season to keep me from “being alone”.  I truly believe the Father is all about relationship.  The Father, Son and Holy Spirit have the perfect balance of an intra-relationship (if that’s  a real word).  He, within Himself, IS relationship.  But our culture exalts romantic love over non-romantic love.  Therefore we tend to think this passage solely means that we must be in a romantic relationship to “be good”.  Now it’s true the Lord did give man community through the woman, and clearly He was revealing a mystery by putting man and woman together.

Eph 5:31-32 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

But this mystery was for the revealing of an even greater mystery.  The mystery between Christ and His own Bride: the Ecclesia.  Hence the original intention of earthly marriage was always to point toward the establishment of the eternal marriage.

What stands out to me at this time in this passage is the word “complement”.  For me, when something complements something else (let’s take clothes for example) it makes that something better.  So if I have on a blue pencil skirt, light blue-collar shirt and nude shoes, and I add to it a gray cardigan, than bam, the cardigan gives the outfit a little “something extra”.  The outfit was good by itself, but the cardigan just set it off and “upgraded” it.  That is how I view the message of a woman complementing a man in this passage (work with me people, I like clothes).  

The man has it all together by himself but Elohim sees he could be taken to another level, so He brings forth the woman (out of the man no less!)The key is that the man himself does not feel lonely or needy.  The man is good.  He is focused on his assignment to work in his garden and be in relationship with his Father.  He is fully sustained.  So when the woman comes along she does not distract him from his purpose.  In fact, she adds to it.  She helps him fulfill it in a way he wasn’t able to by himself. Because she was comparable to him, she too was walking in wholeness.  

Before the fall of mankind Adam and Eve were sinless.  They were not broken individuals, struggling to find their identity and worth.  They knew who they were, who they belonged to and did not use one another to find that validation.  There was no abuse, no mistreatment, no insecurity or fear.  They were walking in wholeness.  You and I, on the other hand, do not have that luxury.  I’m learning in this season, wholeness does not come easily.  Brokenness will prevail unless one intentionally chooses to keep moving forward and healing.  Men love darkness and darkness will keep man from seeing His own dysfunction; his own brokenness.  He will stay hidden from freedom but believe that he is free.  We are living in a war with a worthy adversary.  Thankfully it is a war in which God’s Beloved was already given the victory.

Still, just like the Israelites fought for the promise land that was promised to them, we must fight.  We must fight to manifest our wholeness.  

It has been 10 years of fighting for me and most of it has felt like an uphill battle. I thought I needed someone to complete me, and therefore I kept functioning from my own brokenness.  Now I see, wholeness can only attract wholeness.  And Christ has been making me whole these 10 years of choosing Him.  I had no idea it would take such time and work to manifest freedom.  And had I known I probably never would have chosen to do it because I would have been overwhelmed by the process.  But I do see that doing the hard work on this side, in this season, is wisdom and so much better in the long run.

It’s not good that man is alone.  But man should only receive his “purpose mate” once he has experienced the level of wholeness the Father desires.  That way he is not distracted from his purpose.  Same goes for the woman.  Same goes for me.

I’ve come across some really good teaching on this topic that you can view below.  If only I had learned this stuff 10 years ago!  But, I know, I am learning it right on time.




By Nicole D. Miller

Nicole D. Miller is an author and heartfelt writer, as expressed on her blog Better Than Wine. Her books are published at and on Amazon. She loves all things “old school” hip-hop and R&B, along with any outfit that involves cute boots and thick scarves. She even manages to run her own bookkeeping business ( when she’s not cuddling her cute cat she fondly calls, “Squeaks”.


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