2 days ago I celebrated my 32nd b day. 2 days ago I also had my book release party for How To Overcome Heartbreak. It was perfect. Perfection is impossible to achieve for us mere mortals but Christ made it happen. I was stressed and on an emotional roller coaster ride during the process of preparing for this big event. It seemed so many I considered “key” people were initially able to attend and then for one reason or another were not. They either did not communicate with me their change in plans or communicated them last minute. Every time someone shared their inability to attend it was like a dagger going into my heart. It got to the point where I just wanted people to stop telling me. Just don’t show up, I thought. I even started anticipating people telling me they wouldn’t show and developed a fear about it. I knew God was trying to teach me something and I was right. He reminded me of Isaiah 26:3 and I practiced focusing on Him. My BFF gave me that scripture 10 years ago when I was facing heartbreak and I never forgot it. That same woman was by my side every step of the way as I planned for my party. She was one of my main encouragements to even have the party as I really struggled with that decision. She is also a writer and understands the importance of celebrating a finished project. Since we do not have children, the books we write are our children. We do not have wedding showers or baby showers to throw, so throwing this party was an opportunity for me to celebrate a milestone. To honor the “child” God gave me.
I woke up on my b day to my friend serenading me with cracked vocal cords due to the early morning hour. I opened her present and was in awe of the thoughtfulness of her gift. It was perfect.
I spent 5 hours in the hair salon in eager anticipation of the “look” I wanted. I was a little disappointed initially at the outcome but pressed on through the days’ events. I battled the fear that kept trying to overwhelm me that “no one” would show at my party. I noticed the balloons in my backseat were deflating. I didn’t realize that ordering them a day early would do such a thing. It felt like my heart was deflating right along with those balloons.
After lunch with my friend I went to pick up the photos I ordered at Walgreens. But Walgreens gave me the wrong pics and couldn’t find my pics. I sighed and left, only for them to call 5 min later and say they found the pics. At that point I didn’t have time to pick them up myself. My makeup artist would be by my house in the next hour and I had to get ready. My friend agreed to make the run for me. I took my shower and patiently waited for my makeup artist who didn’t show. For whatever reason she wasn’t going to make it in time and I ended up doing my makeup myself. I wasn’t overly freaking out as I had already prepared for this possible scenario. As I got dressed I noticed a run in my stocking. I had to ask for help (again), which is something I struggle with. But again, my bestie was there. I couldn’t find the ipod charger I would need for the party and was frantically texting others to see if they could provide one. A friend agreed to pick one up from Target. It was raining by now and I was stressing about the set up process. We were going to have to run back and forth from car to building to set up. In the rain. Which means my hair and dress would be soaked. We also did not have enough people to help as no one was able to when I sent out a request via text.
Isaiah 26:3. “Lord keep me in perfect peace!”
I really battled with feeling as if I could not depend on people. That is a reoccurring thing for me. For most of my life I have not been able to depend on others in various ways. Not everyone is reliable, that is a fact. But God is. He is faithful. And He will use those we may not expect to be used. He sent family members to the venue an hour early as well as another friend who assisted with the set up. In the process I found my ipod charger and things were falling into place. Really, as soon as I put on my dress, I knew everything was going to be okay. I looked GOOD.
And everything was okay. The vision He put in my heart came to pass and people showed up! Some who I thought wouldn’t make it, did. I was so blessed and encouraged by the turnout. It was exactly what He promised me and tailor made for me. He is intimately acquainted with all of our ways. The gifts He gives speaks to each of His children’s identities and what they mean to Him. My party was a celebration of being an overcomer. It was on Passover and Good Friday, which I knew was confirmation that I was to celebrate His deliverance in this area of my life. I received so many thoughtful gifts from loved ones and felt overwhelmed with His blessings.
I was able to spend time with my girls and bond. I was able to minister the gospel to non-believers who attended my party. I was able to give God glory in my area of weakness.
I’m making a lot of new friends in this season and learning to trust people I never trusted before. He is taking me to a new level of intimacy and oneness with Him and I’m finally seeing the fruit of years of waiting and surrender. The season is changing and I’m excited to see the “new” that is in store.
Above all, I’m excited to be 32 and fabulous.