A Single Girl’s Guide to Dating (Well)

Ever see that movie “He’s Just Not that Into You”? Well if you haven’t, I’m sure you’ve experienced, or know someone who’s experienced any of the types of relationships that were occurring in that movie. And most of the relationships were, well, dysfunctional.

*Spoiler Alert*

There’s a married couple who got married because they were “supposed” to, not because the guy actually wanted to (red flag right there for a passive guy).   The husband has this secret addiction to cigarettes (that means he’s a liar people) which is eventually rivaled by his secret affair. His mistress has her own emotional affair she’s been stringing along on the side. He’s kind of her “go to” whenever her main relationship doesn’t work out. The poor guy has the hots for her but doesn’t see that he is just being used. He’s there for her emotionally, and gives her the attention and adoration she needs to appease that inner voice that’s telling her “the guy you’re sleeping with doesn’t love you because he’s married!”

There’s another couple who’s been living together for 7 years but the boyfriend is deathly afraid of marriage so doesn’t propose until he realizes how much he loves her once she’s gone (there’s no way I’m waiting 7 years for the ring… just saying…). And then there’s the girl who has her hand in a variety of social media pots, in an attempt at connecting with the love of her life (she connects but doesn’t meet any of these guys face to face). 

But all of these scenarios fail in comparison to one of the characters who over and over (and over) again sets her sights on the man who doesn’t want her. She desperately stalks, hounds and chases after any man showing an ounce of interest to the point that, well, they run for dear life from her existence. From her perspective, it would seem like these men are just dogs. They take her out, enjoy her conversation, but then never call again. She’s cute, she’s successful, she wants love. What’s the deal? Well, as she discovers later on in the movie, “the deal” is that she is attracted to the wrong type of guy. She thrives off of the chase. She loves the risky nature of “will he call or won’t he?” She loves the drama. So, it’s not really these guys with the issues (of course indeed they have issues) but in order for her to really find love, she needs to change herself. She needs to look internally and see that she is attracted to the wrong kind of guy: the kind of guy who wines and dines her and blows her off. She needs someone respectable. Dependable. Safe.

It’s this last character that I can relate to the most (as embarrassing as that is to admit). She is desperate and pitiful and overly emotional. When it comes to relationships I too have exhibited these tendencies and I too have been attracted to the wrong kind of guy. Over and over (and over) again. I finally realize that yea, these guys have issues, but what is it inside of me that is drawn to their issues?

As a 30-something God is calling me to a higher level of maturity. It’s time to put on the big girl panties and throw away the training shorts. No more choosing the less mature, less intelligent, self-oriented guy who speaks in half-truths and dabbles in substance abuse. And no more being needy, desperate, and fearful of abandonment. Here’s to growing, learning and dating well. And dating safe.


By Nicole D. Miller

Nicole D. Miller is an author and heartfelt writer, as expressed on her blog Better Than Wine. Her books are published at nicoledmiller.com and on Amazon. She loves all things “old school” hip-hop and R&B, along with any outfit that involves cute boots and thick scarves. She even manages to run her own bookkeeping business (www.abnbookkeepingllc.com) when she’s not cuddling her cute cat she fondly calls, “Squeaks”.

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