Where I’m at These Days

I’ve found myself in recovery from the removal of codependent relationships. Some have lasted more than a decade. And though it is now freeing to experience life in this new and healthier way, it is also scary and makes me feel extremely vulnerable. But I guess that is how anyone feels when they’ve been addicted to something other than Christ and then all of a sudden they have to give up that something. If only there were a class for Dependents’ Anonymous…

Funny thing is I didn’t even know what the term “codependent” meant until I Googled it last week. BTW I love that Google is such a huge company we now coin their name to mean searching the internet on their web page. Kind of like Xeorox back in the day. You know, people would say they were going to Xerox something when really they were going to photocopy it. Same thing with the company Kleenex. Anyways, I digress…

So now I walk without leaning on others to hold me up. When I search for their existence I find only Christ and reach for Him instead. And it is quite the experience reaching for an invisible hand. One that is challenging me to imagine that He is nearer than He seems. It challenges me to awaken to His presence in a way I’ve never had to before. I was too afraid before. That’s why I kept stuffing people in His place in my heart, so that I would not have to fully rely on Him. But people do what they always do. They let you down. Unintentionally of course.

They were never meant to be your savior.

Daily I feel my insides being restructured by my Maker. There seems to be new revelations about areas in need of healing and correcting. This restructuring is affecting my outlook on life and the people in my life. Interestingly enough, a lot of the people in my inner circle are going through the same transformations. There are others I see Him calling to experience these changes but they are being resistant. I think it is only in His timing that they will finally submit to Him.

For now, I’m quickly scribing what the Teacher is saying. He says I need to have all of my needs met by Him. I stand in wonder that I wasn’t already functioning in this truth. I repent and ask Him to show me what that looks like. He says I need to understand the true purpose of marriage. He reveals the selflessness, maturity and character that is vital for this and other healthy relationships. He says I need to continue healing from parental heartbreak. I become intentional about reaching out and practicing unconditional love.

I remind myself I’m not perfect, nor will I ever be. I have this tendency to strive for perfection but Holy Spirit exposes the self-righteousness in that thinking and gently leads me to strive for Him instead. In that striving I become utterly dependent on the only One who will never fail me. The only One who will always fulfill me. The only One who can meet my needs.

His grace is sufficient. His strength is made perfect in our weakness.

SHALOM

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