Tag Archive | unbelief

Walking By Faith

I submitted two job applications this morning and that made me feel productive. At least I can say I’m trying. The interview I had Monday went really well. I felt the Lord was encouraging me that He is with me, regardless of the outcome. I’m still waiting to hear from the job I have been aiming for. It seems there is always waiting. I turn over and over the events of the past in my mind, remembering the path. Reminding myself how many times I have been here, and that every time the Lord was with me, and had a plan. My good friend reminds me of the same thing. He has never failed me. Truth be told this time of “rest” would be more enjoyable had I not had my own inner demons to fight. Fear, anxiety, doubt. They all surfaced their ugly heads and once again ruined my attempts at perfectionism. How I dread imperfections! But I do appreciate humility. It’s easy to start thinking your faith is so strong because there is something particularly special about you. At least, it was easy for me to feel that way. As others were unsteady and wayward, my heart overflowed with His goodness and presence. I found out these last couple of months, it was only His grace that I had faith during times of turmoil.  And even in the very mundane.

What has helped me the most when facing doubt is looking back. There have been so many supernatural experiences in my life and so many manifestations of His presence, how could I believe anything different? And the fact that I could just shows me how intense this spiritual battle is that we are in. It is a battle for our MINDS. Our beliefs will lead to what our hearts feel. Our feelings can easily mislead us if we have false beliefs.

I have learned I must cling to His word. His character is demonstrated in His word. No matter what it looks like in the natural, no matter what I feel, His word is true. My experience confirms His word.

Many wonder how we can believe in what we cannot see. Faith is the evidence of things unseen. There is evidence. I told my former boss this a while ago when he unexpectedly brought up faith. I told him I hear God in so many ways. I see Him in so many ways. Just because it doesn’t happen in the natural, does not mean there is not evidence. I have so much evidence in my life.

As I’ve struggled with doubt I’ve learned what it is that has brought me to living a lifestyle of faith. It is my experience. My experience confirms His word. His word says that if we seek Him we shall find Him. Anyone looking will have the eyes of their hearts opened and they will see Him. It is the eyes of our hearts that must be opened to see what is real and true.

I’m grateful the Father has opened my eyes. He has led me on a journey of demonstrating my faith by living the life He intended. He has given me grace to count the cost and choose to believe in the eternal over what is natural.

I hope He is doing the same for you.

In other news, please check out an article I had the blessing to be apart of writing for Shattered Magazine.  I interviewed Sherri Burgess regarding her upcoming book Bronner.  She writes about losing her 2 year old son and how God manifested Himself in such a way her loss is now a platform for His glory.

SHALOM

Lord Help My Unbelief

  

Faith can be a tricky thing. The world’s view of a Christian’s faith is that of a person declaring they believe in Christ as Lord as opposed to Allah or following the teachings of Buddha or the many other religions that are out there. Even some churches may hold the view that faith is a onetime profession that gets you into the pearly gates securing your afterlife of pure bliss. But I’m learning, faith is a journey. One that takes you from glory to glory. In my journey it has been evident that there is no onetime anything. It is day to day. Test to test. A flow of happenings eventually pieced together to paint a picture of His intention toward me. A good intention, but one that simply can’t be accomplished w/o the power of Holy Spirit. To my discouragement. As I typically, subconsciously will try to do the works of Holy Spirit myself only to learn it’s impossible w/o Him.  I need His faith (Gal 2:20).  Not just the faith that gave me salvation as a child and filled me with the power of the Holy Spirit at age 19. But a faith that is cultivated and deepened in an unashamed dependency on Him b/c where I am weak, He is strong. So when I found myself in the arms of a perfect stranger, letting him do what it is men do in those circumstances, I had to take a step back. How did I get in this position? Because these things don’t just happen. At least not with someone who has been intentionally single. Sure there is the typical issue of lust and human desire and even pride. But as I let Holy Spirit lead me in reflection of peeling back the layers there was one answer that was staring boldly at me.  
Unbelief.  

I fell due to unbelief. As the days turned into months and the months turned into years, His promises that were so clear to me last year faded away. I became once again self-reliant and my self-reliance puffed me up and my pride gave way to disbelief.

There is such a delicate balance waiting upon the Lord and living a life of fullness and purpose. How do you fully engage in your present and still have expectation of your future? That is always my struggle and I’m not sure if anyone has the answer. Everyone’s story seems to be so different. As much as I desire there is no one else I can go to. I have to walk this out.  

My friend told me no one wants a perfect story. Others can relate to failure. In my head I know that’s true but my heart still doesn’t get it. I hate being messy. I hate flaws. I hate failing.  

I want the perfect story.

But even today I keep hearing Him say, “I don’t see your weaknesses the way that you see them. I see your weaknesses as opportunity.”

It is in this opportunity He is being glorified. Through my story. The one that is so not perfect.

He is faithful.  

I came across a pretty good discussion on singles and sexuality you can check out here if you’re interested.

 SHALOM