I remember the last relationship I was in, God kept telling me “No”. At one point around this time I was doing laundry and found a mismatched pair of socks. The socks looked so similar to each other but they were not exact. I felt He was using it as a picture to show me that yes the person I wanted to be with was similar to who He had in mind, but not the same. It was not a good match.
These words were echoed by a friend recently. They observed that while this person may be good, they were not good for me. I find comfort in that observance because they know me well.
God knows me better.
He knows my insides and my outsides. He knows my tendencies to be attracted to the wrong type and the difficulty this 11 year journey of singleness has been for me. He knows how much I hate being bored at work, and how easy it is for me to take up a multitude of projects to stay busy. He knows these things and uses them all in the revealing of my true self.
I told my friend last night, I feel I have lost it all in this journey. On the outside there is much fruit and that is probably all people will see. But on the inside, I have nothing left I am holding on to. I have “counted it all as dung”. She understood. She has let it all go herself.
We keep letting it go. As our sisters continue to age without their dream being brought to fruition. As God moves in His very specific areas and has us waiting in others. As we lean not to our own understanding and follow Him…
When Adam saw Eve He knew that she was the compliment to him. No other species had existed that could be as compatible as she. There was something other worldly and supernatural that occurred between this couple when this realization occurred. I look forward to having my own experience of that sensation.
One day, there will be a good match and it will be evident to all those who know me.
It will not be an “almost” but it will be a “completely”.