Bittersweet

This morning I woke up, spent time with Jesus and made it to work early enough to do a scope while I walked to get my morning coffee (decaf). Its unlike me to do a scope that isn’t teaching about something I’m learning or to do it in the morning but it was a freeing experience. 

Being disciplined and routine is great but without balance we are all prone to wear ourselves out. Even if we really like the routine. That scope showed me how fabulous life can be and really how fabulous life is. There are so many things to be thankful for in my life and I never want to be ungrateful for how far God has brought me and what He’s given me. That being said, every day is still a struggle. I struggle to control my thoughts/moods and to receive love. I struggle to believe that one day (soon) this struggle will end.

I told my friend on the phone last night I grew prideful in the way God related to me and moved with me in the past. I thought it would always be that way. 

It is not that way in this season. 

I can only deduct that He is trying to teach me a new lesson. I must have learned all the old ones enough. Or maybe He is just taking a break from that pattern…

I know what I am experiencing is not common to man. I know it is not His will or original intention. Yet I still search for and desire the solution. The one that will open my heart once again to His love and presence and intimacy.  

Oh how I miss His intimacy.

At least there are really great people in this season and a great book to write and a great job to do. So many great things. 

Such a bittersweet season…

SHALOM

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