Several years ago, I was spiritually released from my previous employer. I had been through the “woo” at that company and my mom often joked about the possibility of them being exposed on the news due to their corruption (she even threatened to call the news a few times). But it was God’s will that I stay b/c He was using my position there to work some stuff out of me. And then came the day I could leave. I chose to write letters to the managers and owners of the company honoring them for their leadership and mentorship. Even though they were a hot mess and hardly mentored me (and actually tried to sabotage my career but that is neither here nor there). That being said I realize I am just the type of person that likes to end things well.
When my ex and I broke up, I wrote him a 4 page letter and mailed it with the rings he had bought me (one of them being an engagement ring). I followed up that letter with a 2-hour long conversation. I needed that as much for me, as to honor him. This is the same ex who cheated on me and was a hot mess throughout the course of our relationship. But again, I simply like to ends things well. I had him “on hold” emotionally for a good year and wanted to give him that closure that we both needed. I wanted to end one season before starting a new one.
Another time I had to end an unhealthy relationship with a male friend. This time I wrote a letter and read the letter over the phone, basically sharing with him the unhealthy stuff God was showing me about our relationship. He was supposed to respond with his thoughts and said he would call me back but never did. He was not a person who valued ending things well.
Communication is very important to me. Words are very important to me. I am a words person. So when I find myself on the receiving end of being put on hold, I need a resolution. Simply not talking is not a resolution for me. I need words. I need you to say “I am not talking to you b/c in my mind I have ended the relationship and we are over”. This is something good for me to know about myself so that in future relationships I can say about myself, “Hey I know I’m the type of person who needs words so if we ever find ourselves in conflict (which I’m sure we will b/c that’s life) then please keep in mind that I need you to share your words and if there is ever a point in question on the ending of our relationship, then hey, I need you to share your words relaying that message as well.”
It’s only in this season that not only am I growing in self-awareness and how I function and process and what my needs are, but I am also seeing how different everyone else seems to be. At least, those closest to me. I can look around my inner circle and not find one person who is “wired” the way I am. And I suspect Jesus did that on purpose. I can theoretically see how God will intentionally pair you with someone in a marriage who is wired totally different, and all the hurdles involved in communicating with one another and seeing from the other person’s viewpoint. I can’t imagine the WORK that requires and how weary one can get from the day in, day out work exerted over a decade plus of marriage.
God help us all.
Because for some crazy reason I still have this desire. And even after all the trauma and pain I have experienced and caused in several relationships/friendships, I still have this desire to do life with someone. And that someone will probably be wired so differently than me. But at least now I can tell them up front, “Hey I need words. Words may be difficult for you to formulate. You may not be as easily acquainted with them as I am and I will work my hardest to give you what you need as well. But this is a nonnegotiable. Please try your hardest to communicate your emotions and thoughts to me. Otherwise I fear there will be a breakdown that we can never recover from.”
I simply need words.
And I desire to end things well.