The Emotionally Healthy Leader

I just finished listening to this podcast on being an Emotionally Healthy Leader. I listened to it 2x it was so good! The man shared his experience of pastoring a church and everything breaking down in his life. He almost lost his marriage b/c he was so unhealthy emotionally. He realized spiritual maturity and emotional health cannot be separated. I couldn’t have said it better myself! He shared that his children have reaped the benefits of he and his wife getting healthy emotionally. All of his daughters have experienced super-fast promotions due to their “emotional intelligence” in the workplace. Often that characteristic can be of more value than any degree. Whew! Now that hit home! I know w/o a doubt the Lord has had me in a “holding period” in my career due to my own pride and selfish ambition. I know His purpose in this season for me is 2-fold b/c He is also using this time for me to connect with those around me and be a light. Still, I can’t help but think it is b/c of my emotional immaturity that He has to plan my life this way…

Other characteristics the pastor shared in being emotionally unhealthy:

1) Over extending yourself and not getting your needs met b/c you are so focused on meeting others’ needs.

2) Not including rest, and Sabbath time in your relationship with the Lord, always busy serving and not being.

I don’t relate as much with these 2 items but have seen them demonstrated up close and personal in those around me. I know when we function in those ways we easily give and love others out of ourselves instead of out of the “overflow” of the Father’s love. We then are depleted and have nothing left to offer b/c of our lack of boundaries. I’m encouraged God is showing me how unhealthy I have been, though it is so much work getting to where I want to be!

Last night I was really struggling with this single season. I met with Him and asked Him to meet me where I am. He showed me how I default to being “backwards” or “unbalanced” in my thinking and desires. I will default to trying to fill my needs and desires with temporary things/people. I realized I need to know Him as Companion so very much in this season. I need His companionship to be cultivated on the inside of me, so that regardless of life circumstances, I will never feel alone.

I have a legitimate desire for companionship. He has blessed me with so many loved ones who spend time with me but I have been used to having a “life partner” the last 10 years. In this season, He wants to show me, He is my life partner before any person fills that role. I know He is doing that so that when a life partner does come along, they will be in the right place in my heart.

Christ will be the Source of fulfillment, and everyone else will simply be for enjoyment.  His GRACE.



By Nicole D. Miller

Nicole D. Miller is an author and heartfelt writer, as expressed on her blog Better Than Wine. Her books are published at and on Amazon. She loves all things “old school” hip-hop and R&B, along with any outfit that involves cute boots and thick scarves. She even manages to run her own bookkeeping business ( when she’s not cuddling her cute cat she fondly calls, “Squeaks”.

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