Life is interesting these days. You pray and pray and pray for work and then it comes and then you pray for rest. Or better yet you pray, “Lord, help me get through this week!” We are never satisfied :-). Good news is I have grown in more confidence with this calling I feel in my profession. It has been a LONG journey and yet there is still much further to go. I am only seeing glimpses of what I hope will one day be, but I guess that is all I need for now. For a while there I grew into discouragement/hopelessness. I finally admitted out loud to my friend “I am unhappy here”. I was in tears. She was sympathetic. I realized I had been too afraid (for years) to voice my feelings because I wanted to obey God. I wanted to be faithful and grateful for His gifts. I wanted to trust Him and endure the path He called me too. I felt silly and immature and selfish stating my feelings: “I am unhappy”. But I also felt…FREE. A burden had been lifted. Nothing had changed. My circumstances had not changed. My feelings had not changed. But I was being honest with God. I realize that by being honest with Him, the burden I was feeling was shifted to Him. By not being honest, I subconsciously was trying to endure His path in my own strength. I was not leaning upon Him. I do this often. I’ve been learning so much about character, and growth in this season and how foolish it is to allow your emotions to lead you. I have been led so many times by them. This is one of my greatest weaknesses. But now I am learning to let them be indicators to me. The fact that I feel unhappy should not be the sole reason for me doing something drastic to change my situation, however it should let me know that God has more for me. Instead of feeling hopeless that I will forever be stuck in my current situation, I can have hope that God has put these desires in me to learn and grow professionally and has every intention of meeting those desires. My BFF asked me a great question when I was discussing the topic with her. “Does God want you to be happy?” I took a moment before answering. “I think He does but that is not His first intention toward me. I think He is first and foremost concerned about my character. I think happiness is more of the icing on the cake but not the cake itself.” Thankfully there have been other professional outlets this week that have brought me happiness. And there are so many other areas in my life where I am overwhelmed with happiness. “Where there is no vision, the people cast off restraint; but he that keepeth the law, happy is he” Proverbs 29:18 9 (ASV). I have heard ministers encourage people to dream and have vision and goals for their lives. That has not been my issue. I have no problem having vision and goals and dreams. But I’m learning to yield those dreams to Him so that He is getting the glory. And whenever I think of Him being pleased with me walking out His path, well, that in and of itself makes me happy. SHALOM
By Nicole D. Miller
Nicole D. Miller is an author and heartfelt writer, as expressed on her blog www.betterthanwine.net. Her books are published at nicoledmiller.com and on Amazon. She loves all things “old school” hip-hop and R&B, along with any outfit that involves cute boots and thick scarves. She even manages to run her own bookkeeping business (www.abnbookkeepingllc.com) when she’s not cuddling her cute cat she fondly calls, “Squeaks”.View all of Nicole D. Miller's posts.