When i was 17 years old I gave away something very precious to a boy who wasn’t worth it. He never took me on a date. He never met my family. I never even received a bouquet of flowers. Still, I called him my boyfriend. I was so desperate to be loved that I gave myself away very quickly because I knew that if I didn’t then I would lose him.
I lost him anyway.
Like many women I was trying to hold on to a man the best way that I knew how. By offering him sex. The 1st problem with this reasoning is that I wasn’t a woman.
I was a child.
I thought I was a woman because society told me I was. Teenagers are supposed to be sexually active right? Wrong. Teenagers are supposed to be enjoying their youth and discovering their true selves. You can’t possibly know your true self when both body and soul are entangled with someone else’s. These years are formative years and will be even more confusing when soul ties are created. If only I had known.
But looking back I can honestly say there was no other path for me to walk out. The issues and pain I was facing at 17 years old put me on a path of destruction. So even when God kept trying to stop me from making this permanent decision, I ignored His attempts. I ignored His phone calls. I did it anyway. And in His mercy He kept me from experiencing the devastating effects of my decision upon my psyche. He walked with me on that path of destruction, and instead led me to the path of life.
I’ve been walking on this path of life now for 12 years. I wish I could say there was an instant understanding of my worth, and maybe some people do experience that. But my journey has been more slow and steady. It is only now in my early 30s that I am beginning to see this beautiful woman who is accepted and loved and desired. It is only now that I have glimpsed the royal princess Abba Father perceived from the womb.
Rejection and neediness were sown deep into my story even in the womb. The enemy attempted to direct my path based on his lies but God intervened and used it for my good. He exposed the lies for what they were and revealed the real story that was written. A woman fearfully and wonderfully made. A woman to be valued and cared for.
A woman like me.