This week my friend came over and we hung out twice. Even though the circumstances of this season are less than fortunate, I’m blessed to see my relationships with others growing in intimacy as a result. This particular friend has been a surprising source of blessing and encouragement. She and her husband have affirmed me when I have been hopeless and knee deep in sin. Now She affirms me as I navigate the future with His strength and His courage. I shared with her, I would not have displayed any kind of resiliency from my numerous falls had it not been for God’s body. Had it not been for the support network He put in place since my time of salvation. I so appreciate this support, even though I am in a place of aloneness. I know in my spirit this aloneness is necessary for me to be rid of those unhealthy dependencies that have characterized former seasons. I got away with certain things in those seasons b/c of a lack of knowledge but this lack of knowledge was a result of immaturity. God is calling for maturity and that means sole dependence on Him. I could have chosen to continue in my old state though that would have led to a path of ignorance. Learning has always been a highly-valued priority and that path never would have sat well with me, even though it would have been easier.
I wake up most mornings, put on a kettle of water for tea or lemon, and curl up in my Papa San chair to seek His face. My quiet time has not been this consistent in years, I only pray it will continue.
I finally see what my purpose is. I kept trying to find it in a promotion, in traveling, in marrying, but I finally remember that those things are temporary and pass away. So my purpose cannot be temporary, b/c I want to live for something greater than just temporary. And during one of those quiet moments while seeking the Lord, He told me what my purpose was. It is to do His will. It is to be obedient and faithful to Him. This revelation gave me peace. Whatever the Father’s will is for me, no matter how mundane it looks in my eyes, or how much pain/discomfort it causes me, that is my purpose. And me fulfilling that purpose brings Him joy. It makes Him smile. And that makes me smile.
My friends’ mom’s mom just passed and God put it on my heart to bake her her favorite dessert, apple pie. She really lucked out b/c that is currently one of 2 things I know how to bake (the other is apple crisp :-)). Last night I took her an apple pie and ice cream and we sat and laughed and drank wine. There are so many hard things happening right now. I’ll be going to a wake tonight and a funeral tomorrow. While I’m at the funeral another friend will be putting on her wedding dress, to meet her groom at the altar. That is the cycle of life. There are funerals and weddings. There are hard things that happen, but even in the midst of those things, we can have apple pie. We can drink wine. We can eat ice cream. We can celebrate life. Today.