Fly Girl

It’s funny how you can be oblivious to certain things in your culture. You’ve grown up in it, been immersed in it since birth and are pretty immune to certain occurrences.  The same goes for family culture. I am realizing in this season how much my family culture has shaped my identity. One particular way is the value I personally place on physical appearance. Now, I will admit, I have sadly over-valued physical appearance in the past, particularly when viewing interested parties of the opposite sex. And God is balancing me out with that. However, He is also showing me the importance of physical appearance. He is speaking my love language in a sense…

Physical appearance is not the end all be all. It’s not the sole reason one should use for deciding to partake in a committed relationship with someone. BUT, it definitely plays its role in the level of attraction we have with others. That being said, I find it quite touching that God, in His infinite wisdom and love for me, has been “upgrading” me in the physical appearance department. I would say this upgrade has been taking place over the last year…


As I’ve discussed on this blog before, I joined my Pastor’s healthy eating class and have since practiced a mostly clean-eating lifestyle (I try to eat healthy 70-80% of the time). The result has been a weight loss of about 25 lbs and dropping 2 pants sizes in less than a year. Unintentionally! Around the same time I transitioned from having a perm to being natural and am rapidly approaching my one-year anniversary since I did the B.C (woohoo!). These two physical changes have gone noticed by so many in my community that I am constantly being complimented. As if that were not enough, it’s like Jesus gave me some sort of new and improved “fashion sense”. Laugh at me all you want, but I now have a knack for clothing, accessories and fashion that I did not have before and I swear God gave it to me :-).

Even though my family culture taught me the importance of “being fly”, it wasn’t until this season that I have really consistently walked in that “flyness” and I am convinced it is due to God taking an interest in my “level of swag” (and thus raising it LOL). If Christ knows the number of heads on our heads, than surely He cares how those hairs are styled, right???…


God’s decision to “upgrade” me intrigues me. Western culture paints this portrait of Jesus as being blue-eyed with white skin and long hair. As an African American woman (dark skin, big hair, don’t care), who knows Jesus as her Daddy, I hardly relate to this image. Instead, the God I serve, is “fly”. And I am fly because my Daddy is fly :-).


The cool thing about this season is just as He is upgrading me physically, He is also upgrading me internally. Character growth and maturity have been running themes since I started this journey with Him and are lessons He has taught me in at an even more grueling pace this last year.

I can see God putting everything in order in my life and laying a good foundation. I can see Him honoring my family culture and using it to reveal more of Himself and who He really is.

How has your family culture helped to shape your identity?  How does God reveal Himself to you using your family culture? In what ways does He show His unique love for you and your personhood?


By Nicole D. Miller

Nicole D. Miller is an author and heartfelt writer, as expressed on her blog Better Than Wine. Her books are published at and on Amazon. She loves all things “old school” hip-hop and R&B, along with any outfit that involves cute boots and thick scarves. She even manages to run her own bookkeeping business ( when she’s not cuddling her cute cat she fondly calls, “Squeaks”.


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