Yesterday evening I had every intention of spending some time in worship with the Lord via dance. I realize He has gifted me to dance but rarely am I inspired to do so on a personal level. I usually will dance in a corporate setting. But early that morning on my way to work I was thinking that I really needed to dance one-on-one with Him. Well, He had other plans because before I could pour out to Him, He needed to pour into me. I found myself laying on my bed, sprawled out on my stomach, face in my pillow. His intimacy surrounded me and wooed me to a place I hadn’t visited in a while.
We stayed there for hours.
That is the benefit I have in this season: time. Time to BE.
And so I WAS.
He poured into me His love and I likewise. He asked me for some important things and I gave them to Him. I’m at the place now in this journey where I realize there is no point in me fighting Him. I gave Him my life years ago and this path is a reflection of that. The intimate places of my heart were laid wide open for His assessment and as always He was careful and gentle with its contents. He truly is the Lover of my soul.
As much as I enjoy these times with Him I struggle with fear during them. I struggle with the voice in my head telling me that if I delight in Him, if I give Him my whole heart, if I dive too deeply into these waves of love, then I will not have the desire of my heart met. Clearly this is the opposite of scripture. Clearly His word says “delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart”. But fear always seems so real. That is the deception of fear. I’ve feared that giving God my all will cause me to miss out. I know His Spirit is saying, delighting in Him is actually propelling me forward into my destiny. Into His promises.
During this time of worship He revealed Himself as my family. Both the Father and the Son. He confirmed His adoption of me, that I am grafted in. This revelation instantly satisfied a deep longing I did not even know that I had. I was longing for a family. I now know Him as my family. I now see Him as being for me and not against me. I now see that He is trustworthy and can be trusted with my heart. It has taken some time, but we are finally making progress in my thinking and my view of Him.
Truly there is no better lover than Christ! His love is unconditional. His intimacy indescribable. His joy never-ending. I’m so glad it’s finally Springtime…
Songs of Solomon 2:10-12
My beloved spoke, and said to me:
“Rise up, my love, my fair one,
And come away.
For lo, the winter is past,
The rain is over and gone.
The flowers appear on the earth;
The time of singing has come,
And the voice of the turtledove
Is heard in our land.