Well now, 2014 has been a whirlwind of very unexpected activity. And as the winds blew, I eagerly raised my wings and sailed on every layer of exciting current that I could possibly make contact with. The experience of pursuit has been enlightening and also emotional. Fear and anxiety play tug of war in my heart with peace and shalom. Thankfully my Father did meet me with His peace and injected it like a needle full of blessed serum from His blood covered syringe. I raised my hands in praise at His goodness, needing His love like a fix for a drug addict.
So even in the midst of the double mindedness, the unclarity, the fear, He wakes me up each day with His new mercies, and loves on me relentlessly. He understands my heart better than even I do and does not hold my faults against me.
This is my season, my mother told me as we sat across from each other yesterday for lunch. 2014 is my year. I’m not sure what that could mean but I will say there are so many firsts that have come upon me in such a short amount of time. After
months, years of longing, it has been amazing to experience these firsts.
I am not sure what 2014 holds, but I can say that thus far it holds me being noticed. Everyday someone is noticing me. Complimenting me. Noticing my weight loss or stylish natural hair and having to express their approval in words. Some even just stare when I walk into a room. Now maybe they have always stared and I have just never noticed, but I doubt it.
And of course the most exciting factor is being noticed by him. He who has so much of what I’ve desired and waited for.
To see his eyes light up at the sight of me.
To share in his excitement each time we meet.
To know his desire for more.
All things I’ve waited for. All things happening NOW.
So Father, You know my heart and You know my weaknesses. Let Your light shine through me regardless of them. Let Your will be done regardless of them.
May You be noticed within me.
Not my beauty, but Yours Oh Lord. Not my will but Yours.