It’s funny how long you can go living in a state that is less than ideal. Your life has been that way for so long you don’t know any better. It is your normal, even when it is abnormal. Who are you if that thing changes? What will your life look like in this new state?
A couple of years ago I had a great awakening of unhealthy ways I was functioning in in my relationships. I realized I was hurting my loved ones and they were hurting me. Thankfully I was in enough pain to choose change.
Often we must be in enough pain before we choose change.
That experience was more enjoyable than the current season I have been in where once again unhealthy things surfaced and God was calling me to change.
This time darkness surrounded me and confusion set in when I confronted the dysfunction. This particular battle would not be quick. No, this would be a fight like none I had ever faced because I wasn’t fighting against an external opponent as in times past. The real battle was against myself.
I pulled out the old weapons but they weren’t working. I had to learn how to use better tools for this greater level of warfare.
I’m taught that fear is a learned behavior. Science proves our bodies are naturally wired for love. Fear only comes in when we learn it. That means fear is something natural and not eternal. Every natural thing has an end. But how many allow fear to dictate their lives? How many are comfortable with fear being a steady companion? Too many.
I wrestled and wrestled but my foe would not be vanquished. I was so afraid. I felt this giant must be bigger than I. Maybe bigger than God. Then one day I had a question in my heart:
“Who are you Nicole?” And I knew the answer, “I’m a warrior”. Then He said, “Then fight!”
The truth is I wasn’t fighting with all my might. I was holding back waiting for Him to rescue me. So I obeyed His command. And do you know what happened? I wrestled the negative thoughts to the ground and won! The fear was gone. For the first time. It wasn’t “managed” or ” redirected”. It was gone.
This new life, the one without fear, is still taking some getting used to. I still must be intentional about my thoughts and focusing on truth. But the victory I’ve had is motivation enough to see what other victories I can accumulate.