It will be 3 months this week since I got “the news”. I found myself today thinking about my dwindling time period of locking something in so that I don’t have a gap in pay. I found myself driving to Panera so that I could use the internet and apply for more jobs. I’m sitting at Panera now. Right by the fire with a cup of Hazel Nut coffee and Taylor Swift in my ear buds. But after about 2 applications I gave in to what my heart really wanted to do: I started writing.
In my writing I verbalized what the Spirit of the Lord was stirring in my heart: I don’t need to look for a job, it will come to me.
It will come to me the way it always has in my career. The door will open by a supernatural hand the way it has always opened. The real work isn’t in getting my degrees or work experience or applying (though I have done all those things). The real work is my obedience. I wrestled with my frustration with this path of waiting.
“Why can’t I just have a smooth transition Jesus?!” I thought. “Why can’t I just be BLESSED?”. But I am blessed, that’s the thing. The truth is I was wrestling with the desire to be blessed the WAY I wanted to be blessed.
I was wrestling with control.
While writing I understood that the Father has me on this path because He is teaching me to walk by the spirit. He does not want me to get comfortable in this life. He does not want me to go about a natural way of functioning like others do. It is because of my calling to break the strongholds and release this generation from darkness. But first I myself must walk out of the darkness.
Yesterday I had the honor of speaking on my book. I stood at the podium in front of 30+ woman sharing on my story and how God met me and how I overcame. I encouraged them that they too can overcome. I did not “feel” the words I said. I did not “feel” Him in the way I have so many times, but I spoke those words by faith. I knew that they were true and I’m learning to not let my feelings lead me.
So even though I’m “waiting” for an open door, there are other open doors that I am walking through. Doors that were not on my radar.
But they were on His.
To check out my speech click here.